Why do people feel like abortion is so wrong but adoption is so right?

Question

I think that everyone has their own rights. Yes they say give the baby a chance to live but they arent the ones who will be their for you when the time gets rough. I understand that people should take responsibilty for their actions. But I would rather not give my child away because you are going to really going to wonder where the baby is and whats the baby like. Even if you get to visit the baby you will oneday get on your feet and want to take the baby from the adopted parent. What do you all think? Abortion or Adoption?

Answer 1

People think abortion is wrong because they think it's murder. If you think a fetus is a baby, then of course you are going to think abortion is wrong.

Adoption, on the other hand... people seem to think THAT is right because they've been told to believe that. And because they have the mistaken impression that adoption saves babies from abortion. It doesn't, but people don't seem to understand that.

When I got pregnant I made two separate choices at two different points in time.

Quick rundown: Found out I was pregnant. First thoughts--CRAP, I am NOT ready to be pregnant. Now what? Ummm. I could abort. Maybe? Ugh. Can't stomach the thought. But maybe? Ugh. Really don't want to. Doesn't feel right. But what am I going to do with a baby?

Next, biological father brought up abortion. Thoughts (and spoken words) at that point--NO WAY. Sorry, you're going to have to deal. I'm not getting an abortion. Period. And that solved that. Note that I did NOT have any clue what I'd do beyond staying pregnant... I just knew I couldn't abort my baby. NO MATTER WHAT, I couldn't abort my baby. There was zero resolution on my part as to what I WOULD do, I just knew I couldn't abort.

Next, started considering adoption. Thoughts for the next nine months--too complicated to get into, but never once revisited the abortion option. Not once. Waffled between parenting and adoption. Again, never once revisited abortion and never regretted not getting one. Eventually, "chose" adoption.

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Do you see it? Two different decisions, two different points in time. Women who choose AGAINST aborting are women who have a strong personal reaction against it. There's no need to present adoption to these women, because it doesn't matter WHAT happens in the end, they just know they can't go through with an abortion.

The women who choose FOR abortion, on the other hand, already know they can legally give their babies up for adoption... (seriously, has anyone EVER met a teen or adult woman in the U.S. who doesn't know they can give their kid up?)... but why on earth would they? If they have no strong, personal, visceral reaction against abortion, then why on earth would they go through the agony (yes, agony) of an unintended pregnancy for nine months and the pure TORTURE of giving their babies up... followed by a lifetime of h e l l living as a disenfranchised mother? If a woman's comfortable with abortion, there's absolutely no reason she'd choose the harder path of adoption when she could just abort.

So presenting adoption as an alternative to abortion just makes no sense. Literally, none. The women who would be willing to entertain adoption are already the ones who are NOT going to have an abortion.

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And yet the industry continues to present adoption as an alternative to abortion. This is a serious problem, for numerous reasons:

(1) Adoptees get told over and over that they should be grateful for having been "given life." GAG. As if they should have to feel any more grateful than anyone else for being alive!

(2) It stereotypes us first moms. I NEVER seriously considered abortion--my flirtatious thoughts with it lasted about two days, and they were VERY fleeting thoughts, I mean it popped into my head maybe twice on my own... and when the bio father brought it up, that was it, I knew I couldn't and that was the end of it. It is stereotyping and demeaning for people to assume that I ever seriously considered it. Do people thank EVERY mother they meet for not having an abortion? No? Why not? Then why do they thank ME? It's a backhanded compliment, at best. Don't they ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I loved my daughter as much as any other woman--and that I never considered aborting a baby I loved? Or that maybe I had just as much morals as anyone else--and that I never considered aborting, because of that? How dare someone assume I entertained abortion, just because I was single and young!

(3) It leads the general public, infertile people, potential adoptive parents, and (less educated) adoptive parents to believe that adoption is WONDERFUL, period... because after all, it is saving babies from abortion. This sort of blanket endorsement of adoption, predicated on the MYTH that those babies have been saved from abortion, makes it extremely difficult for the general public, p-aparents, and aparents to see the complexities of adoption. If people believe that adoption is wonderful because it saves babies from abortion, they are less likely to look hard at all the ethical issues in adoption... because after all, what do those matter by comparison, if a baby's life is saved?

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Plain and simple, it's a marketing tactic to present adoption as an alternative to abortion. A marketing tactic started by the adoption industry and pro-life groups who never bothered to take the time to find out if their assumption--that adoption saves babies from abortion--was even true. And in fact... their assumption is NOT true.

So all those groups are doing is: stereotyping first moms; making adoptees feel they should be extra grateful; and whitewashing the complexities and difficulties in adoption. They are NOT actually saving any babies from abortion by presenting adoption as an alternative, because that is just NOT how women experience the decision-making process.

Think about it: you can't decide WHAT to do with your baby until you have first decided to HAVE your baby. Even if the decisions seem simultaneous ("Okay I'm pregnant, what do I do?, abortion parenting or adoption... okay, adoption")... even if the decisions SEEM simultaneous, there is still the simple, logical fact that a woman can't decide to relinquish or parent until she's already decided to carry the baby to term. So abortion and adoption are two distinct decisions, one made prior to another.

So.... point in all of this... if people want to decrease the number of abortions in the U.S.? The solution is not--and never will be--pushing adoption. You've only got two effective options: (1) outlaw abortion; and/or (2) HELP MOTHERS IN CRISIS PREGNANCIES. Help them with finances. Help them with insurance. Help them with housing. Help them with time off work. Help them with childcare. HELP THEM. Make the prospect of parenting less overwhelming! Make it POSSIBLE for them to choose parenting!

Answer 2

The "abortion vs. adoption" argument goes against logic and common sense. Women have abortions because of an unwanted pregnancy. Women who do not have abortions then choose whether or not to parent. Completely separate issues and, as someone else said, completely different timing.

As for abortion being "murder," more and more research is bringing to light the fact that a fetus is not a living being. It has already been proven that, until 8 weeks, a fetus is exactly the same as a cancer tumor - the cells are identical and collectively act as a cancer tumor.

Other research is beginning to show us that the consciousness and spirit of a potential newborn exist outside the fetal body and only enter the body moments before birth. Until then, abortion is merely removing a growth.

If the consciousness and spirit of the woman or man who will eventually discover a cure for AIDS needs to get here, it will find and enter a body being born. The only chance of that consciousness being squashed is if the mother it chose then relinquishes that child to another - another who may not provide the right environment for that person to carry out her/his mission.

I really really wish we would all do away with the ridiculous "adoption vs. abortion" argument. They are completely unrelated.

Answer 3

You have to do what is best for you. I've never had an abortion so can't say how I would have felt afterwards, but if you think it is the right thing to do at the time, then so be it. I am sure it is not an easy decision to decide to abort or not.

If you decide not to abort, then the next question is whether to parent or not. I have personally experienced losing a child to adoption. I don't recommend it. It is a life time of pain for 2 people - mom and baby/child/adult adoptee. I don't think that separating families creates a healthy society.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

It's not for me to decide. This type of thing is a Personal decision that cannot be generally spread across the board like that. Every woman has her own circumstances, history, fears, inside and outside influences that come into play in such a heavy decision.
The world is not an ideal place. Saying that having an abortion would stop you from thinking about the baby is not so. You will STILL think about the baby. Daily. What s/he would look like now, how old, what interests, how smart, who would they resemble? etc etc.
Saying that giving up your baby for adoption is also not that simple. There are many many children in our affluent countries that sit in foster care waiting, waiting sometimes until they are full grown adults - for a family to take them. That family does NOT always come. The family that does come is not always loving, caring, and perfect. These children are often NOT welcomed into someones home with open loving arms.
These are fairy tales people say to help them get over the guilt.
The same way people say that having a child as a teenager is 'just fine', maybe a bit 'tough' but really hasn't affected their future at all.

All three choices, are impossibly hard.
And that is why it must be the womans decision. Because she is the one that has to live with what's decided. No escaping it.

Answer 5

Um Noodles this was a very personal attack and yeah I gave you a huge thumbs down and I reported you. Just saying.. Might want to tone it down a bit. Telling a cancer survivor you wish she had died and that she should have been sterilized is pretty personal and it is against the TOS of Yahoo Answers

Abortion is better than adoption and personally having made both choices, I feel no regret over the abortion, but I feel plenty of grief and anger over the adoption!

and yeah this is the answer I had written up before I got angry and had to stop in the middle of things..


Ya know Noodles you almost had an answer I could agree with, up until the part where you started calling names and trying to kick ****. I agree with your stance on abortion in so far as no man has a right to tell me what to do with my body, after that you just lost me.


As for abortion and adoption, personally having done both, I can say without doubt that abortion is much easier and less painful. Today I have no pang of regret, no unresolved grief, no PTSD from my choice. (yes it was a choice and one I made knowing exactly what I was doing, unlike adoption when I had no clue what was really going to happen to me and to my child) I can state with a certainty that abortion was the right choice when I chose it and adoption for ME was the worst thing I could ever have done. I was lied to, made to feel less than, made to feel as if I were not worthy of parenting my child, when clearly I was the perfect mother for my child. If there had been any one who spoke up and said "Don't do this crazy thing" ( and it was crazy) I would never have signed anything, no matter what was said to me. If a single person had given me just a little support I would today be the mother of four raised children instead of a mother to three raised children!

I wonder every day why people even equate these two things. Women who will abort, will abort, women who lose children to adoption, will still lose children to adoption. These two topics do not even belong on the same page. The issues behind both of these things are completely different.

Ummm Lucy C. I hate to break it to you, but some of us do not wonder every day what the child would have looked like. I don't wonder about it, I rarely think about it, and honestly I am not sorry I made that choice. It was the right thing to do at the time.

Answer 6

I agree with Heather H. These are two different things. I think it was Heather H. who said in a previous answer that abortion is about ending a pregnancy; adoption is about ending parenthood. I agree with her 110%.

Abortion and adoption are both personal choices that only you can make and decide what is right for you and your unborn child. I personally believe that abortion is murder - and not just because I am adoptive parent - but I also believe that it is the woman's right to choose.

Answer 7

The adoption industry and the religious right wingers have tried to connect adoption and abortion since Roe v Wade. They try to force feed women the idea of adoption to prevent abortion. In the case of the adoption industry it is to get more women to breed for their customers. In the case of the religious right wingers, it is an "easy" answer (easy for them, that is) when they are challenged on how they address unplanned pregnancies.

The only effective way to reduce abortions is support programs that help women to parent their children. The adoption industry is not going to do that for sure. The right wingers won't do that either. First, they preach that unmarried women are unfit to parent. Second, that would take too much work and commitment on their part.

What do I think? It is not either or. Most women who do not choose abortion, choose parenting. And, yes, before you ask, my family does actively support a successful teen parenting program in our city. The organization discourages adoption.

Answer 8

Adoption- The only way I would ever have an abortion would be if it was for a serious medical condition, in which I would likely die. If that happened I would be responsible and get my tubes tied afterwards. If I couldn’t provide or give my child the best life I would place him or her for adoption. I’d rather know he or she was alive then to have to live the rest of my life knowing that I snuffed his or her life out. Perhaps the person who would find the cure for Aids has been aborted.

I realize the world is over populated but if we didn’t have some families that have 7+ biological children. Instead if they desire a very large family have some biological children and if able adopt some children as well. There are other ways to try and control population. Other then killing the unborn.

I do agree that if someone is for adoption and against abortion they should be willing to eventually adopt themselves if they are cable of doing so. I do plan to one day adopt if I am able.

Answer 9

This for each person to think carefully about in their own heart if they are in the situation. I don't believe in judging others unless you have also been there - people have different values and are in different situations, and in some cases abortion is right for them, in some adoption, and in some keeping the baby.

If you aren't prepared to become a parent (the biggest undertaking of your life), I would hope that you'd consider that there are thousands of couples out there who can't have children who could raise the child well. This is a very unselfish choice - you have to put the good of the baby ahead of your own wants. But that's what it means to be a parent.

I am quite close to two open adoptions, and although the birth mothers do come visit and do have a special relationship with the children, we all know they weren't ready at the time to be parents, and when they are ready, they will have their own families. They will always have a special link to the child they gave birth to, but they are not going to want to "take the baby back" at any point. Once the child is old enough, their parental relationship is with the adoptive parent, and it's plain to see. No one with a heart would take a child away from their family and a loving home.

Answer 10

I don't personally judge either decision. I think it's a very personal thing, and each woman in that situation much make the decision based on what she thinks is best. Afterall, as you pointed out,SHE s the one who has to live with that decision....not the rest of us. I will say, as an adoptee, I appreciate the fact that my own bio mother didn't abort me although that was probably illegal in Korea back then. While I know it may have caused her a great deal of heartache, I appreciate the fact that she chose to give me life & to give me a chance at life. Because of her, I've had the opportunity to have a wonderful childhood, great parents who love me, lots of friends through the years, a typical college experience, and finding my one true love.

Answer 11

I call myself pro-choice because I really am pro-choice. If a woman wants to raise her child, that's fine; if she wants to give it away, that's fine; if she wants to abort, that's fine. It's her life, and her choice is nobody else's damned business.

I don't want children. Nor could I give a kid up for adoption. These are my personal choices and I couldn't care less what anyone thinks about them. Stats tell us up to 43 per cent of US women will have an abortion during their childbearing years, so I don't know why we scapegoat the women who'll admit to it, as if it weren't a common practice. Most abortions are done in the first trimester. I don't see the sin, I don't see the moral dilemma, I don't see the problem.

Interestingly, Susan Faludi claims Operation Rescue started when Randall Terry's infertile wife started picketing clinics with a sign that said "Don't Kill Your Baby--Give It To Me." So adoption and abortion have been conflated by some since Roe v Wade was passed.

They're not the same thing, and they never will be the same thing. A twenty-minute medical procedure is not carrying baby for nine months, falling in love with it, and then giving it to someone else to raise. I know which option I felt would have done more physical and psychological damage to me, and I chose the other one. Many women have made different choices. I don't tell them what to do and I don't publicly shame them for their decisions.