You will die an unhappy, miserable, lonely person if you decide to continue down this path you have taken. And you have to stop looking to your brother to do everything for you. He has a family, which is his number one priority, that he needs to take care of and look after.
I have been so grieved and sick about you, your lifestyle, and the choices you have made. You talk so foolish; you lie constantly; I can’t ask you anything and get a straight answer in return. You tell me one thing, and contradict yourself all the time. You talk big, but inside, you’re a scared little boy. You need to get help or your life will always be messed up and you will live a miserable existence.
I am telling you all this for your own good. Please help yourself and call me - when you really want to see me - not because you need or want something. I don’t want to see you this way. It is time you stop using people, and start showing respect. This is called tough love as they tell me.
2007-12-14 13:25:54 · 10 answers · asked by Inou 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I did not get to read the beginning of the letter, but if your description of your brother is accurate, then as painful as it will be for you - I believe you should send it.
Qualifying question to you: Do you and/or your family have a positive Christian background? Without it - the letter will probably come across-ed as cutting and condemning, which is not going to bring about the results of reconciliation and responsible behavior from your brother that you want to accomplish.
Along with asking opinions from us, please prayerfully take this matter to God and ask for His wisdom.
I will be praying for your brother and for you.
2007-12-14 13:42:51 · answer #1 · answered by Leonard D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him exactly what you expect of him. Instead of 'You need to get help' say something like 'I will continue to support you, but you have to help yourself in the following ways: attending AA every week, applying for at least three jobs a week until you find something, and staying away from Friend 1 and Friend 2 who are a bad influence'
Also let him know:
1) You love him and always will.
2) Because you love him, you can't stand to see him harming himself.
3)To protect yourself and the rest of the family, you must set boundries, even though you will never stop loving him.
4) What those boundries will be (for example if you are using drugs/alcohol you will not be welcome here, not providing $ when he isn't working or trying to work, whatever you need him to know)
5) How eager you are to accept him back and help him clean himself up.
6) How determined you are to no longer enable him hurting himself.
I don't know how old your son is, but if he is underage I know of some good programs that have some sponsorship places.
Also talk to the rest of the family and make sure they know your boundries so they don't invite him where you are if he isn't clean etc.
2007-12-14 13:47:07 · answer #2 · answered by Truth 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I covered this further in your previous Q, but saying "You will die an unhappy, miserable, lonely person if you decide to continue down this path you have taken." will do more harm than good.
Express your hurt and concern, but don't nag him.
*EDIT* Thinking about this further, I'd like to add that by using laguage like "your life is in the gutter" and "you will die unhappy" might make him feel unworthy of your help. Use positive language. I know you are going for the tough love angle, and you can accomplish that through your actions and strict self-discipline when helping him, but your words need to convey that you love him, he is worthy of your love and help, you will have patience with him, that he is deep down a great guy, he is a beautiful person. How often do you think person in trouble hears that he is worthy and is a beutiful person. That there are people in life rooting for them, people that believe in him? Answer: far less often then they hear that people are disappointed in him and he's not doing well in life.
Again, I'm sensitive to the position you're in, wits end so to speak. But your original approach might do more harm than good. Seek support and don't go this alone, if you can help it.
2007-12-14 13:42:12 · answer #3 · answered by Run James Run 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't like it to be honest. It is a circle with a line. It is hard to write in cursive, both lowercase and uppercase. Also, when you are playing the alphabet game on the highway, the letter Q is so hard to find. Not as hard as Z, but z is cute. Plus, you don't often use the letter Q. Q is in the middle of the ABC's so there isn't that special beginning or end quality. Oh, look. I just used my first Q in a word. Wow...um...yep, I would have to say that I don't like it.
2016-05-24 00:30:26 · answer #4 · answered by bev 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read the first part of the letter also and I think you need to rewrite it. It's too harsh. It will make him angry and that will probably cause him to go further down into the drugs, etc. Don't insult him by calling him a scared little boy. Don't tell him he will die on skid row. He doesn't care about that right now. It's too bad his brother is an "enabler". He needs to stop helping him.
Instead of sounding angry, try the guilt trip approach (You're breaking my heart, etc.)
2007-12-14 13:48:14 · answer #5 · answered by Cee T 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definitely see my answer to the first half, please!
DO NOT SEND THIS!
Say you've been worried and sick over how he's been living his life because you love him very much and don't want to see him fall. Offer love and support if he's willing to get help.
Check with a local drug and alcohol rehab service near you how to approach this in a way that won't isolate him from your life but also with firm guidelines to keep you and the family safe and sane.
2007-12-14 13:37:13 · answer #6 · answered by Aravah 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it is hard to read into a letter the real intent. I do feel anger, resentment, pain, suffering and a good does of "why me" all bundled up in a "let me help" package. She seems to be telling him where she stands and what she expects of him. Now he must wade through the pain of it all and see if there is any truth in it and what does he wish to do.
As a Christian I think we should blame less and hold our hand out in support more. Easier to say than to do. For you it means supporting your child and helping him through this time.
2007-12-14 13:44:04 · answer #7 · answered by crimthann69 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well... I think you need to express your love a bit better. I don't know. Maybe it's just me. I don't exactly know how I would feel after reading this; bitter, regretful, or depressed.... Now I don't know this "Johnny", but I do know I would try and tell a loved one the truth, yet tell it in a kinder, more loving way.
2007-12-14 13:32:35 · answer #8 · answered by Sam 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
see other comment. this is still so harsh. pray, sleep and then re-write it with your motives in check, not to get back at him for what he's done to you, but to let him know that you truly care about what is going to happen to him.
2007-12-14 13:38:23 · answer #9 · answered by betka 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG, don't send that if you ever want to speak to him again.
2007-12-14 13:29:38 · answer #10 · answered by Aspurtaime Dog Sneeze 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋