Do you feel it is necessary for your kids to become perfectionists, in order to succeed?

Question

I never understand why some parents feel the need for their children to be so perfect in school. They make it seem like getting all "A's" is the only way to smart, and anyone who gets "B" will never be equal to them. There's always this craving to go to the elite colleges (Brown, Yale, Harvard, Pepperdine, etc.) I've always felt that a child can get a superior education at a school that isn't of the highest ranks. It's not just the school that gives them the best education. The best education also depends on how children approach it.

Answer 1

Our education system has been so dumbed down that if my kids don't get good grades I wonder what's going on. It's usually boredom. (I hear this complaint often from my kids and they tell me how some teachers treat all kids like they're retarded) I don't expect my kids to be perfectionists by any means. I expect them to always do their best and most importantly to learn something, anything! I have a 4th grader that is an amazing writer. She is highly creative and has an amazing vocabulary but her handwriting is atrocious. I don't mind if her handwriting grade is less than perfect because I know she's using her right brain to be creative. I have a 7th grader that is in an advanced math class. He's been making B's and C's so far this year but I prefer that to an A in a regular math class because he's being challenged.

I teach my kids that we learn by mistakes and making one isn't the end of the world. I also teach them to think beyond what they're being taught at school. A teacher might spend a limited amount of time on a topic that sparks a child's interest. There are many days that my kids come home asking about a certain topic and we talk about it, do research about it and find books about it. As parents we need to do as much as we can to enrich what's being taught at school. Learning should be fun, engaging and challenging! I agree that the best education depends on how children approach it. I also think you should add parents, teachers and administrators to that list.

The US ranks 17th in the world when it comes to education. That says something about what we're doing both at home and school. We should all be pushing for new and creative ways to educate our young. What we're doing now obviously isn't working and I don't see many people marching in the streets over it.

Here is a link to an 8th grade test from the 1800's. Can you pass it? I know it blew me away!

http://www.freerepublic.com/forum/a385e7b435ce6.htm

Answer 2

I want them to make an effort and do the very best they can. If the means an A, great. If it means a C, great! If they want to learn, they will learn. I do not tolerate missed assignments or doing the least just to get by. And I make myself available to questions, finding someone with the answers or getting other help that I cannot provide. There is a joy to learning, and it comes from a team approach. The teacher is also a huge part of the equation, and let's face it, some of them shouldn't be teaching! So we face each task as it comes and I rarely scold them if I know that they have tried.

Answer 3

You're contradictory. You say you want a new start with different people, new friends... And then you are reluctant to leave because your family lives with you, and your friends....But that is just it. It's scaring to leave and have a new start, but it's also a rewarding experience. Check if you qualify for a green card to work in the US. You can apply online, just make sure it's the official website and not some expensive organisation that promises you heaven and all you get is an empty wallet. But everybody can check whether he's qualified. If not, then check out where in Europe there are British communities. I know there are jobs in Germany and Switzerland where you needn't even speak the language but only English. Or try to get a job on a ship, freight or cruise liner doesn't matter. That will give you a lot of time travelling around the world but still have your base at home. One of my best friends was a shop assistant on a cruise liner in the Caribbean for 2 years. She felt like you, just wanted to get out. She then met her husband on the ship and moved to Hawaii and married him. She still has her family (of course) but also her friends back in Denmark. If you feel like you say, then I would have a try. What can you lose? Certainly not your family because they're always there if you want to come back. Besides, if you're British and live in Britain, you can move around the European Union as you like. That is part of the deal. As for me, I have been lucky to attend school abroad in different countries, went to University in Paris and today, I do have the privilege to just get out if I feel trapped. But that is an exception, I know. Good luck to you! Live your dream, don't dream your life! You can always come back home - that's why home is called home.

Answer 4

I've always told my girls that as long as they put 100% effort into something, they're succeeding in my eyes. If that means getting a C- in math for the year, that's fine with me. Bravo! If you didn't try your hardest and slacked off, that's when I have a problem. My 19yr had to do next to nothing to get straight As in AP classes and my 18yr studies like crazy to only earn a B- in a regular class. If my 19yr came home with a B in high school, I knew it was because she decided to not do what she was suppose to do and was putting in no effort. She'd admit it too. If my 18yr comes home with a B, it's a step up in the right direction.
I have 5 daughters who are 21, 19, 18, 15 and 12. I've watched my older two who are now in college and my middle one, who is currently a senior in high school, go through that torturous period of applying to college, waiting for responses and having to hear "college talk" non stop. "So and so got into here." "So and so got rejected from there." "Well if SHE got rejected, then I'M REALLY not going to get in." It's usless stress. Everybody thinks you need to have top notch grades to get into a top notch school so you can get a top notch eduation and have a top notch future. It's so unrealistic. Not every successful person went to an elite college and graduated in the top 10%. My husband had a C average in high school, went to a "lower" end college, graduated with a C average and currently president of a major company and very successful. A prime example in our own home.
I've told my girls this:
1. College is what YOU make it. Whether you go to the county college down the street or Harvard, what you put in is what you're going to get out.
2. Activites in school and outside of school, volunteer work etc will get you farther than you think. Don't do it because it'll give you an edge when applying to school. Do you because you'll get something out of it, feel good about youself, and maybe...just MAYBE...have some fun as well.
3. Don't be a Ms. Negitive and set yourself up for failure. Apply to whatever school your heart desires. Just because you don't have the grades and the SATs scores that college X wants, doesn't mean you went get into college X. Myself and my older three daughters have all proved this to be true.
4. DONT WORRY ABOUT WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS GOING TO COLLEGE OR WHAT THEIR FUTURE PLANS ARE.
and 5: Put your best foot foward and always give 100% effort. If you do your best everytime, you won't have the regret of, "I wish I tried harder."
Best Wishes

Answer 5

I have three kids and expect different things out of all three of them. One of them is severely dyslexic and I don't expect him to do quite as well as the other two because to get a B he has to work just as hard if not harder than the other two do to get an A. I don't think that the letters matter as much as how hard they try. If they give it their all that is what matters.

I am not athletic, but I was expected to be when I was younger. If you set expectations out of reach all you are going to do is raise someone to feel that they will never measure up. They will be insecure about most everything they do which is setting them up to fail.

I always try to be encouraging to my kids to do the best they can and let them know that they are not going to be the best at everything. I think one of the best gifts that you can give your child is self esteem. Oh, and teach them to take responsibility for what they do. If they learn that, they will go far.

Answer 6

No. Actually, condoning perfectionism makes the child more likely to fail because of stress. My parents would punish me (grounded for a week) if I got lower than an A- in any class. This led to a huge amount of stress to do everything right which in turn made me do worse.

Answer 7

I actually have a child that i'm trying to teach that she doesn't need to be a perfectionist..........it's hard she stresses over everything and I'm not sure why, she is an excellent student and a great kid, but I don't want to see burn out in a ten year old.

Answer 8

You know what i dont understand why people say that you should learn from my mistake because you have to make it YOURSELF in order to get te full effect you could try to avoid mistakes but not all the time!!!!

Answer 9

trying to make kids into perfectionists does a wonderful job of creating that child to grow up with axiety issues.

Answer 10

No, I have learned from experiance, if you try to make them perfect they end up too insecure and anxious to amount to much of anything.