My male best buddy and I met in college and have been friends since 06. I care about him very much and he knows all about my relationships, gives me good advice. So far he's asked me if I ever though about the 2 of us being more than friends 5-6 times. I tell I thought about it, but I know it wouldn't work. Last month he asked me again and I said no, because I wouldn't be able to forgive myself If I ever hurt him (because I know ALREADY that I don't want that, and would just end up dumping him) He said thanks for being honest and I thought it was over. Now he's asking me AGAIN! I said "If i wanted to be with you, don't you think i wouldv'e told you already??" He then asks if that'll change in the future. UGH! Last wkend he asked me if I wanted to go bowling with a guyt we both know and that guys "friend girl" I'm no idiot. That would be a double date, and it all just pissed me off.
2007-12-14 13:08:21 · 11 answers · asked by charmed 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
So he calls me all the time and as much as I like and value him as a friend, just hearing his voice pisses me off because I feel like he's using this friendship to be close to me. Is he just manipulative? Am I not being considerate of his feelings? SHOULD I TELL HIM THE TRUTH, THAT I'M NOT AT ALL ATTRACTED TO HIM AND THATS WHY I DON'T WANT TO DATE HIM? I DON'T WANT HIM TO ASK ME ANYMORE.
2007-12-14 13:10:40 · update #1
wow...seems like youve tried to be nice about it...you may have to be slightly rude in your next conversation in order to really emphasize your point...tell him he is putting your friendship in jeopardy..just be honest and speak with a controlled tone that way he doesnt feel like you are flipping out on him..good luck hun
2007-12-14 13:14:46 · answer #1 · answered by huntxr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it is a good thing that you realize that you have to take some action in this matter
1 Don't just blow off his feelings just like that
2 Yes you do have to tell him the reasons why it wouldn't work between you
3 Try not to destroy his world because some girls are experts at breaking hearts don't be cruel to him (( cause that could scar him emotionally and socially ))
4 be clear about what you have to say but don't destroy the friendship if possible
5 let him know you don't feel comfortable when he ask you out so quit it
2007-12-14 13:21:54 · answer #2 · answered by Presscott H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is a common one and I suspect that it will continue to be a common one.Based on all you wrote in your piece, it appears that you either have been sending mixed messages to your best buddy or you have not told him hard enough that you don't want a romantic relationship with him.I suggest that you:1)sit down with him privately and have a heart-to--heart talk with him.Tell him that you're not attracted to him in a romantic fashion,that those feelings won't change, that you just want the two of you to remain the best buddies that you have been.2)tell him you are flattered by his attraction to you, that you admire him ,and you don't want to hurt him3) tell him that asking you to date him is putting a strain on your ability to remain best friends with him which you want to maintain.4) tell him that however, if he does not stop asking you to date him, he may force a break up in that best buddy friendship which you don't want to see happen.This will force him to choose having you as a platonic friend or not having you as a friend at all. Please be gentle as you have this talk because he has real feelings too as a human being. Let's hope he elects to remain your friend.
2007-12-14 13:32:21 · answer #3 · answered by abbeycoolit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's really sad, I know you don't want to hurt his feelings, but your really going to have to be firm with him. It is probably going to ruin your friendship with him because I don't think he is really interested in being your friend. He wants you for more than that and it will be a long time before he gets over his feelings for you and until he does (may take months or years) you should stay away from him.
2007-12-14 13:17:15 · answer #4 · answered by = ) 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him again that the relationship
probably wouldn't work out, and then i think that you should
try to look for another person to date.
Then you can just say that you're already in another relationship
and he'll probably stop asking you.
Tell him how you truly feel, because lying will only make it 10
times worse.
2007-12-14 13:15:25 · answer #5 · answered by Ashley W 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yup love is hard, tell him if he doesn't stop asking u, ull totally start to ignore him, if he doesn't get it then start ignoring him for periods of time, first for 2 days, then nex time 4 days, then next time a week so on
2007-12-14 13:17:00 · answer #6 · answered by Dhoopy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm you used him for emotional support and you make him out to be a bad guy? Your guy friend needs to cut you lose, sounds like your just emtional baggage thats not even a good friend.
2007-12-14 13:16:50 · answer #7 · answered by Alpha-Male 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hate when that happens its just so irritating, and you wish he would of never told you that he like you....when it happend to me i felt kinda sick talking to him
it just ruins a great relationships....so yes you should tell him how you really feel, because thats what friends do...itl be hard though because like you said you wouldn't want to hurt him....but you have to do what you have to do
sooo i really hope evrething works out for ya...tell me what happens...good luck! =)
yes you should tell him how you really feel
2007-12-14 13:15:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To find true happiness you must be true to yourself, tell him that but in a nice way. If he truely is your friend, he will accept it, move on, and stay your friend at the same time.
2007-12-14 13:15:02 · answer #9 · answered by Steveo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Holy sh... Just tell him he's not your type
Thats kinda horrible to say hearing his voice does that to you.. but if it's that bad, then just get a guy, then you'd be taken
2007-12-14 13:15:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋