young teen girl problems with parents, please help?

Question

im 24, my little sister, 12, is getting out of hand. my parents provide her with the best homelife possible. she has a cellphone, lots of friends, things that i could only have dreamed of when i was 12. but for some reason she feels life at home is horrible. when she disrespects my parents with certain things she says, they ground her by taking her phone away or wont let her go to certain events, as i think they rightfully should. they're raising her the same way they raised me and my other sister and we both turned out to be very fine respectable adults. but now my little sister feels like she would rather live somewhere else, threatens to talk to counselors at school and tell them how bad life is at home so they can take her away, and has written down that she would rather die than be around my mom. she is making my mom cry. ive never heard my mom cry for anything. and her grades are starting to slip and thinks we expect her to be perfect. any advice? please help. please

Answer 1

If your parents give your sister everything she wants, that's not the best thing for her. I really think you guys should all talk to a counselor together. I said a lot of dramatic things when I was 12, too, like I wish I had never been born and that I hated my mom. It might just be teen angst but you still shouldn't take those kinds of things lightly just in case. Please don't let your sister's threats that she's going to make a counselor take her away scare you away from encouraging her talk to a counselor (it's best if you all go together though, I think.) First of all, she doesn't really want that, even if she sometimes thinks she does. Think of her acting out as a cry for help.

Answer 2

I have 5 kids, the oldest is 25 and the youngest is 16. I have seen my friends raise their kids and I have seen how they have "turned out".

I think in the end, to a certain measure, we parents can not take a lot of credit, nor a lot of blame in how our kids turn out. (I am of course, speaking of parents who have really tried to raise their kids well.)

The "best" parents can do everything right and still may have a child who just has to buck the system, and fight them every step of the way. It is sooooo rough on the parents, but each kid is different, unique, has their own battles, etc.

If there is someway for your sister to connect with an adult that you trust who can do a lot of listening and not too much talking and giving advice, it would probably help her a lot.

Is there a youth drop-in, a very good youth group at a church even, some positive youth oriented group that she can get involved in?

Tell your mom this isn't her fault! For the next while she may just have to hang on for dear life, and keep doing the best she can, and pray and ask God to help.

There are lots of very good parenting books available, and support groups for parents on the internet, etc. Perhaps you all could make use of those as well.

I do not think there is any easy answer to this kind of situation.

For what it is worth, I will pray for your family.

Answer 3

well, i hate to say it, but the world we live in is not exactly the safest place all the time. and having a cell phone doesnt really mean she is spoiled as long as she is not abusing the priveledge. maybe there is a school issue that is taking place, maybe being bullied or maybe not "fitting in". And if she thinks she needs to talk to someone, hey go for it. they wont take her away without a proper looking into. it sounds like to me that she is asking for help with her actions, just not saying it in words. talking to a councelor might help, or a youth group. 12 is a hard age, my child is 11 1/2 and is going thru a stage. maybejust a little time is all everyone needs. take a step back and look at the picture, call a family meeting. work it out together before it goes any further.

Answer 4

Sit her down and say " you little ungreatfull ****, you have all the best things in the world and when something doesn't go your way you make the people who love you cry and you want to leave them". What you really need to do is tell her how much your folks look after her and give her room to breath. Tell her that they have the right to do as they please since they are her parents and if she doesn't agree let her move. She will learn quick that she was lucky to have the lifestyle she had and will certainly move back in a flash.

Just make her realise that she is hurting the people who love her the most, if she can't realise that then give her a rude awakening from her older sister. Its only right you put her in her place. I wouldn't take that crap if I had a younger sister like that.

Answer 5

sounds like she needs some kind of counsoelling... someone to mediate... she is at an important stage in her life right now... this is when young ones transition from a kid to a young adult... she probably thinks she knows everything (which one of us didnt at that age). She is probably gravitating towards people her age and rebelling against her parents because she thinks that is what is cool... If you two are close then I suggest you spend more time with her at home but if she does not have that kind of respect in you then find some professional help. these should be settings where both your mom and sister are present (not just her, shell think you guys are "ganging up" on her).

Good luck man, my nephews were like that a couple years ago... not so extreme but they started to alienate their family it was all about the friends and ipod/cellphone/computer...

Answer 6

Your sister might be on drugs. And if it isnt drugs then she might just miss the company of her older sisters at home. She might feel lonely despite all of her friends and the company she has on the phone. You should ask her and if she doesnt tell anything then get her help. It is usually something bothering her either at school and her parents dont take interest in it and she feels neglected and is finding a way to vent her feelings.

Answer 7

Hm-mm....that is a dozy. I recommend have a neutral person have a talk with her. So one she'd be able to open to. I'm a true believer that all actions are actually reasonable reactions. [Though, by 'reasonable' I mean reasonable to the one saying, thinking, or doing said reaction(s)]
-maybe she lost a good friend
-feels out of place
There's more to what's going on then what she's displaying to you and trying to get a counselor to remove her from your family is just proof that she's trying to 'run' from her issues.
Every once in a while you [as a close family member] have to show them that there action and what they do in life effect more then just them. Youth are very 'me' centric and it'll take a lot to reverse that train of though

Answer 8

hang on loosely but don't let her go. there's something about rebelling that gets the best of some people. make her realize how good she has it. If she throws a fit, I recomend throw it back at her. Give her a reality check by making her grow up a little. scare her by calling the cops threatening her with sending her away instead of letting her run away. Yeah, that's a bad example, but what I'm trying to say is tough love goes a looooong way. good luck.

Answer 9

its probably just the hormones. she's growing up and trying to be cool or fit in at school, possibly. peer pressure can drive people insane.
also, times have changed. like you said, you would have loved to have the things she has when you were young. when she knows this, she probably feels superior to everyone and feels free to do whatever she wants and rebel. your parents should sit down, take away all her advantages,and let her live life in their shoes. kinda like time traveling or reverse psychiatry. if you need any advice on that you could ask me.
good luck with your sister!

Answer 10

Well, I'm guessing you can see that because your parents gave her extra priveleges (the cell, etc.), she's using it to her advantage to get more. She's not getting what she wants, so she will try to do something about it, like threatening to talk to counselors,etc.
As a big sister, you should sit down and talk to her about why she's doing this and why she thinks she can get away with it. She needs to understand that she can't have everything she wants and she can't hurt your parents because of it.
Hope it helps!