How old is it appropriate to have a?

Question

My daughter and her friends are 12, and they all have boyfriends. some of them are even eleven.
is that too young?

they have never kissed.

they do go on dates

Answer 1

no thats normal there actually late bloomers if this is true really it starts in elementary

Answer 2

Many children have boyfriends and girlfriends from when they first enter school, my first boyfriend was Chuck in the first grade, my son had a girlfriend for three years beginning when he was only in kindergarten. They even held hands. Dating is another story but again it depends on how it is defined and handled. My 11 year old step-daughter is boy crazy, if we place this in a negative light we will only push her to do things behind our back - if we accept it we can control it - take them to the movies vs. them trying to sneak. The world has changed a lot and our kids are developing far more quickly then many of us would like, we cant stop it, we can only do the best to support our children so that they remain at least somewhat open with us and attempt to educate, set good examples, and control what we can.

Answer 3

This is a touchy subject because there are many converging principles here and it comes down to protecting your kid from themselves, and from unscrupulous others, while at the same time allowing them increasing freedoms. Children need to understand that responsibility is the thing that earns them their freedoms. If they are capable of proving to you that they understand the importance of their grades and their other duties to their family then they shouldn't have any problems with having a supervised relationship that has clear boundaries set by you as the parent. Of course, many kids will argue with that, but so what? You're the one in charge and you have all the cards here. When I was in 4th grade I got a girlfriend and my mom was opposed. We argued, but she finally relented because she realized this was just kids stuff...there was no real romantic feelings. But I can tell you that by the time I was 12 I was having real feelings for a girl just as strong as an adults, and it was affecting my grades and my whole life. I wish I hadn't kept those feelings a secret from my parents or I might not have suffered as much. Everything could have been different if there had just been some ground rules that were talked about openly and given me a proper perspective. Doing this is easier than it sounds as it just takes parents getting real with their kids and putting their foot down on a subject that they understand better than the child. It's not about not caring whether they are "happy" it's about protecting them from bringing pain upon themseleves which will most certainly happen if they are left alone. A possible recourse for you might be to give options such as "you can have a boyfriend so long as (a) you take a purity class of some kind, (b) your grades aren't affected, (c) all meetings are supervised by adults...any deviation from that and all bets are off, and (d) you give some kind of commitment that you won't let things get physical (usually part of a class)"....I'm not a professional on this subject, but there is lots of reading material on handling this particular kind of situation with kids. The key is just not sending the message that you want to control their whole life, while at the same time asserting your authority as mom/dad to protect them from making mistakes (which you still have plenty of clout at that age...and really, what better issue is there to play hard ball with than this one?)...

Answer 4

12 years is far too young and immature to be dating let alone having a boyfriend. They are not responsible enough to deal with those kinds of emotions...this is how 12 & 13 year old CHILDREN become parents

Answer 5

Honestly, at that age, what they are considering "boyfriends" is probably nothing more than having the title. I don't think it's too young to show interest in the opposite sex, as long as they aren't kissing, going on dates, stuff like that. Our relationships as parents and how we react to our childrens is going to mold how they look at love and relationships later down the road. If we never had "boyfriends and girlfriends" in our youth, how would we ever learn from our mistakes and know what we want out of a partner as adults. It's all part of living our lives and learning. I don't think there's anything wrong with what your daughter is doing...as long as it's innocent, and you're kept in the loop and know what's going on. She's going to do what she's going to do at school anyways, so the best way to keep informed with what's going on with her is to be active and have open communication. If you tell her she can't talk to boys, she's still going to do it...just hiding it from you and doing it behind your back.

Answer 6

Well, depends on what they are doing... it's not too young to have crushes on each other and hang out... go to the movies or bowling alley (do people still do that?).... maybe in groups would be best at that age anyways to go out.... not just because of what you think they would do together but there are a lot of strange people out there that would love to get their hands on an 11 or 12 yr old.... groups are best!!!

Answer 7

Define Boyfriend, is its just a special friend/ friend of the male gender, its no big deal, but if its an actual romantic boyfriend w/ kissing (beyond pecks) and more, then 12 is too young.

especially if the Boys are older than they are

Answer 8

Kids that age should not be getting into relationships with members of the opposite sex. A good many of these relationships end up with a pregnancy and another child for society to have to support. You should be smart enough as a parent to know this, but apparently you don't. My hope is that if you don't agree with me and let these "children" co-mingle with each other, your daughter won't come home someday and tell you she's pregnant.

Answer 9

Way too young. Stats say girls that young who have BFs will most likely have sex by the time they are 16 and will drink and do drugs, and are more likely to get pregnant ,when compared to girls with strict parents. Who, would not allow a steady relationship at the young age. Tell her she does not have to have a BF just because all her GFs have one. It is too soon to have a serious relationship. Explain it to her. Good Luck.

Answer 10

kids now a days have boyfriends/girlfriends since like 5 or 6 years old. Just make sure they know everything about sex. But yeah, i think thats too young.

Answer 11

I had a boyfriend when I was about 9 or 10. Of course, I was usually too embarrassed to say anything to him LOL.
I think that generally at this age, they aren't sneaking around making out and getting all sexual (obviously you need to use your own judgement on that one as it certainly does happen) and as long as you set clear boundaries then it is fine. But you know you daughter and you are in the best position to decide whether this is ok