Am I going to regret it?

Question

Since it is Christmas I am getting the urge to invite my inlaws over for dinner. The problem is....they always say insulting things and feel very comfortable putting down my husband, son and myself.
I have tried to discuss this with my mother in law. Each time I think we make some head way, it comes around to bite me in the keester, and things get even worse.
Right now we have a quick afternoon planned with them to exchange gifts. Usually an hour is about the max time we can spend together without someone's feelings getting hurt.
Should I let that be good enough, or should I give in and invite them for dinner.
I am struggling with this issue. Part of me thinks we should be the bigger people and have them over.
The other part thinks they aren't very nice folks and this is the relationship they get.
Any words of advice?

Answer 1

Ace, the people you are talking about are your husband's parents, so my first thought is, have you discussed this issue
with him? If so, what is his input?
I would take his feelings to heart and consider what he thinks.
The other thought I have when reading your question---is that there are people in all of our lives that we find intolerable....or
toxic. The people who spill negativity all over us can be so
difficult to spend time with, that it is self preservation to limit
that time together.
In my opinion, considering what you have shared, it seems
a very sensible decision to limit your family's time with your
in-laws to that one hour.
For one thing, you are being the "better person" by allowing them into your life for that one hour.....and anything said in that limited amount of time perhaps can be more readily
dispelled afterward than to spend an entire dinner (and all the energy it takes to prepare for it, spend time, energy, and
conversation with people who are challenging, then the
clean up afterward for which you might be a bit resentful).

Christmas time is a time to reflect on what the holy day means to us; to share time with those we love and enjoy;
and to find a sense of faith and peace to carry us on through the next year.

I do not necessarily think that means a specific quantity of time has to be spent with people who cannot understand the
joy of loving one another. Yes, you can express care and
love toward them by sharing that hour with them---but do you owe them more than that when you are repaid with a lack
of love and mutual respect? I think not.

However, as I shared earlier, I do think it would be the wise
and loving thing to discuss this with your husband, in view
of the remarks you say they make regarding each one of the members of your family---and see how he feels about time with his own family.
Also share your concerns and wishes.

In the end, I hope your decision is to include more love, joy
and peace in your Christmas holiday......

Merry Christmas & blessed New Year,
Doris

Answer 2

YOu know they are going to be rude, so prepare. Have a few phrases ready - and use them.
Practise being assertive - and say things like "That's not very nice, is it?". Every time a nasty comment gets said, stop the conversation, deal with it (politely, address the comment, not the person) and tell your children that you would be very embarrassed if they ever made a comment like that.
And try boxing day, rather than Christmas. It's less formal, and less chance of things getting out of hand.
Take charge, you're the adult, and a decent human being too. But take no nonsense. They'll soon learn.

Answer 3

In my opinion, I think you're doing the right thing. You're not avoiding them - nor keeping your son from his grandparents - but you are keeping hostility to a minimum. Sometimes being the 'bigger' person doesn't do anyone any good. Getting together with them at all is more than some people would do.

Good luck, hopefully it'll be just a light smudge on an otherwise fantastic holiday!

Answer 4

These in-law outlaws are the family of your husband so to be respectful of him, you must tread softly. Perhaps you could incorporate a very informal meal with the gift exchange. For instance, toss-away plates and cups and a buffet of barbecue, potato salad, coleslaw, and brownies to be eaten while watching everyone opening their gifts. That will keep the pie holes full and once the gifts are given and the food eaten, they'll take their goodies and go home.

Answer 5

Have the gift exchange and leave. Do not invite them over for dinner unless they can prove they'll act like civilized adults.

Answer 6

i think they dont realize that they are insulting and being the bigger person means nothing to them because they don't realize that they arte nast, i wouldnt invite them over, do you really want them setting a bad example for your child? plus the holidays are supposed to be happy and everyone will be miserable with them around... if they get mad and aske why they werent invited tell them the truth, tell them it hurts your feelings and is setting a bad example and maybe they will get the picture.

Answer 7

just keep it as it is. i have a mother in law who is really bad, and we barly see there fam is doing christmas on christmas eve this year and we could attend but won't cause I hate being around her she don't care about our kids seen my 3 yr old once and don't give them attention when she does see us. i'd reather just have her out of our life. her and my husband don't have a relationship either so I hope I don't see her for a long time.

Answer 8

I wouldn't use Christmas, which is such an important day, as the testing ground to see if things are different. Try it another time when there is less to loose.

Answer 9

i became into leaning extra into once you have a clue interior the back of your suggestions of what you need to be doing (your next pass in a undeniable concern) yet do no longer do it besides and then remorseful approximately it later and vice versa. so i assume it ought to fall below a million or 2 if u get my pick the flow.

Answer 10

BE A MODEL OF BEHAVIOUR
IT IS HARD BUT YOU MUST MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WILL NEVER LET ANYONE TO INSULT OR DISTURB YOU
IF THEY DON,T UNDERSTAND NEVER INVITE THEM AGAIN