Hooking up with my ex, sooo confused HELP?

Question

Ok here's the deal, 4 yrs ago I met a man that lives 4 hrs away from me. We had a hot and heavy relationship for 2 yrs. I went and stayed with him for a couple of weeks and told him I loved him and wanted us to live together. He told me he loved me but couldn't handle the responsibility of taking care of me. And he loves my kids. He still sends them cards for birthdays and such. Hello I'm 30 yrs old, I work and support my 2 kids on my own. He wanted us to be "friends w/ benefits" I told him I wanted more so we ended our relationship. Two years later I am married to a wonderful man who loves me and my kids. Would give us the moon if we asked. The only problem is he's 12 yrs older than me and tells me he doesn't need to have sex. We only have sex 2-4 X's a month which makes me angry. I introduced my husband to my ex cause his sis is my bf. Now he wants to come back into my life but just for sex. I'm still in love with my ex and am soooo confused. Any advice

ok, I've thought about all of your reponses. First, I love my husband, and my children are not his they are from my first which lasted 14 yrs. The ex I'm still in love with lasted 2 yrs. Things are just extremely confusing. And yes I think I'm better than just a sex toy. But I miss the passion and want a man who wants to be with me and take over my body while we're in bed. Is that too much to ask????????

Answer 1

I agree with some other answers you got already.
Listen...You are married to a good man. You have kids. You have a good life....WHY are you trying to sabotage yourself?

Exes are exes for good reasons.
If you had a relationship with your ex and you saw that you were not going to get what you wanted from him, then the decision was made.

The fact is you are NOT available anymore, and no one deserves to be cheated on. It's a terrible, hurtful and damaging thing to do to someone...so don't do it.

Go to therapy alone, so you can sort out the issues that are making you consider doing this! Your husband is still a relatively young man; and you should really try to fix your communication problems with him before considering getting involved with your ex.
Let the past where it belongs.

Answer 2

Look yes Sex is important in a relationship, but it shouldn't be the basis of a lasting relationship. If you cheat with your ex you are no better than your husband. I suggest you either start working on your marriage and getting some counseling and finding ways to work out of the times that you don't get sex or you break up, divorce, and then be with another man.

You have to realize that when women and men reach a certain age a lot of them go thru hormonal changes and frankly it is hard for them to even think about sex. You need to find ways to work thru this. Get him Viagra, go to counseling, start pleasing your ownself, do not cheat!!

I could never live with myself if I did that. Cheating should never be an option here. Do you not have self control woman. Get the help you need.

Answer 3

You are married. That being said, the ex is not even an option. It's sad that your sex life is in the toilet, however, you signed up for all type of possible flies in the ointment when you said "I do". If the sex you are getting at home isn't enough, you need to let your husband know that and perhaps get to the root of his lack of physical desire via therapy. If you still can't come to a compromise then perhaps masturbation and sex toys are going to have to come into play. If your husband and these things are not enough for you, you need to divorce the man. In fact, you should have never married him if you were in love with someone else in the first place. He didn't want you for anything but sex---remember that! Your husband loves you---isn't that worth fighting for?

Answer 4

leave the past in the past don't bother with a past relationship you are married now

And REALITY CHECK there is more to a marriage/relationship than sex. If all you have is sex in a relationship you have nothing

So you have sex maybe 2-4 times a month BIG DEAL

he loves you he loves your kids

The other one Wants nothing more than sex. He's Basically already Told you he'd just use you for sex

Forget about that guy Just Concentrate on your marriage

The other guy don't give a damn about you


You would be absouletly foolish to risk what you have for a loser like that

and the fact that you are even thinking about that you should be ashamed of i wouldnt' brag about that


I agree with box of life you need to GROW UP AND STOP BIENG SO SELFISH

You have a great Husband the kind of man anywoman would be lucky to have and your kids deserve that


GROW UP AND STOP ACTING LIKE A LITTLE KID STOMPING THERE FEET CAUSE THEY CAN'T GET THERE OWN WAY

THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN SEX

Answer 5

I am recently divorced and have two children. I am in my thirties and completely understand your situation. You need to keep in mind first and foremost your children. They watch and see everything you do. You have already moved forward from your ex and should be focussing on your new life with your new husband. Continue to build a strong foundation with him and remember your children are watching every step of the way. As for the sex issue, I too enjoy it more than 2-4 times a month. Is your husband stressed at the office. When men have too much on their minds they get preoccupied. Work on building your marriage to be strong and the rest will fall into place. I hope this helps.

Answer 6

Do NOT go back to your ex. No, no,not as long as you're still married. Since your ex'bf's sister is also your best friend, it will just make for huge and painful drama if things blow up and they will at the worst possible time, too.

That said, you need to get your hubby into some marriage counseling because a 42 year old man not wanting sex often may have other concerns going on. Also a physical wouldn't hurt him, either.

Answer 7

I would stick with hubby or divorce and find a a new guy (not the ex) who wants to commit and sex is good. Sex ain't everything but when it sucks or is in short-supply, It becomes a consuming desire. Maybe a Viagra will kick it up a notch? Be creative, he can use toys and his mouth to make you happy, but if he thinks that just because he don't want it and you should just except that then that's not cool. He still needs to look out for you too!

Answer 8

You need to explain to your husband that YOU DO NEED SEX!!! Never mess up something this great, especially if you love him. Mixing things up can be interesting, but that isn't love. Maybe your husband needs to try some viagra or etc. Although sex 2-4 times a month is not bad. I mean 2 would be a little rough, but 4 would be pretty decent. Count your blessings and don't mess them up.

Answer 9

NO! You really REALLY shouldn't do that to yourself...
If that grass was so green why didn't you take his " lets keep it casual" offer before?

You are willing to risk a good relationship and man that loves you and your children for one who wants a bed-buddy?

Sex is nice but it's not everything. It would be the same as if something had happened to your husband and he couldn't perform, would you leave him then?

Ex's are ex's for a reason...When things in our current lives aren't looking the way we'd like, we remember ex's fondly and wrongly....

Get it together girl...You could wind up losing badly. You knew this man's age BEFORE you married him and had to have some sort of clue as to the direction your sex life would take.

Also think about the fact that you have introduced your husband to your children, he cares for them and about them, and they for him. Are you really ready to risk trashing your marriage and putting your children through that for a good feeling that let's face it, you can give to yourself?

Make one bed before you lay in another....

Answer 10

I know you want to do this becasuse of the sex and only sex...becasue your not getting it at home front...let your husband know how your feeling...Please do this becase the other man is not clearly good for you and your kids at all...and only there just for sex and you don't need him at all..think about this!!!!! IF your husband every found out your ex will not do anything for you like your husband did for you, because if he did he would of been there for you in the beginning..THINK ABOUT THIS REAL HARD!!!! GOOD LUCK!!!