Sir, did you order the breast milk?

Question

I had a rough day at work yesterday so I decided to spoil myself a little and go out to eat at a nice steak house. The waitress sat me at a small table around a corner where I could enjoy my meal in peace. I could only see one other table from where I sat, which was good because I hate watching other people eat.
I ordered my food and started quietly reading the paper. Suddenly from around the corner came a family of eight people, coming to sit in the only table in the whole restaurant that I could see. Sitting down directly in my line of sight was a woman with a screaming new born baby. She quickly sat down, set her purse on the floor and pulled her big, veiny breast out and popped it in her kid's mouth!!! OH MY SWEET VISHNU!! I yelled. The whole family turned and looked at me, including the newborn with a nipple down his throat and yellow colostrum rolling down his cheek. CANT YOU COVER THAT UP!?? I screamed. She was extremely offended and got all self conscious and (continued)

started crying. Did I do the wrong thing? Should I not be offended by this? Is it that hard to cover up those rascals when feeding? They make pumps for a reason.

It was a family gathering of sorts, with extended family I would assume. It wasn't just a husband and wife with six kids. they were all dressed up so maybe they had a bahmitzvah or something.

okay so maybe it wasn't colostrum but the milk was flowing nonetheless.

Answer 1

You should not have said anything. I had a smaller experince once. I was in this coffee shop with a friend talking when these two women showed up, and one of them had a baby. The women sat down. The one witht he baby sat within viewing distance from me. I continued my conversation with my friend, but whenever I looked up, there was the woman with the baby staring at me with a very red face like she was angry. I thought this was weird, so I ignored her.

Later I looked up and this woman was breast feeding her baby. I regarded that scene for a moment and went back to talking to my friend about other things. 5 minutes later the friend of the lady who was breast feeding her kid came over to me and asked me to stop leering at the woman breast feeding!

I was sort of caught off guard by this because I am not the leering type, and breast feeding viewing isn't my thing. I don't find it sexy, nor worthy of being watched for too long. I replied by telling the lady to go away, and then decided that I didn't need the hassle of this sort of thing so my friend and I left.

What was their story? I don't pay breast feeding much mind. I suspect that whatever problems that they had was in their own heads. They came to a public place and sat directly across from me, and then made me the problem because of their insecurities.

You only reacted to the situation, but I wouldn't have yelled at them. Women with children believe that the whole world is about them, and in most cases I believe it should be, but I have a problem when people try to impose their insecurities on me.

You should have just left.

Answer 2

My sister and sister in lay both have 2 kids. They both have complained in the past that people star at them while feeding their little ones. BUT - both of them cover themselves with a blanket and try to make sure that no one can really see anything. Some people are just comfortable with feeding without a cover. I think in a public place if a woman wants to breastfeed, they should have a blanket and be able to cover themselves. I think most moms would agree that its really not that hard to cover. And those that don't cover shouldn't be offended when someone speaks out like you did. It's strange that the woman just pulled it out and let everyone see it but was embarrassed when you said something. Maybe in the future you could ask your waiter to mention to the other guests (quietly) that she should cover up or go to the restroom. In some eating establishments they have chairs in the restroom for women for this reason.

Answer 3

Why do I get the feeling that our collective leg is being pulled? One, families of eight don't go to nice steakhouses. Two, colostrum production tapers off after only a few days when the true breast milk kicks in after birth, so I sincerely doubt that mental image.

A mom with five kids and a newborn isn't going to be traipsing down to the steak house for dinner.

Answer 4

Wow...I dont think I have been in that situation in a restaruant. I have been in public and seen it. I look, look again to make sure Im seeing what Im seeing and then I go about my business. I try not to gawk lol

I can understand your perspective on the visuals there while your eating dinner and I can understand how it can be when a mother needs to feed her child - but you are correct there are breast pumps for that. I know I wouldnt have yelled at her and that may have been harsh. Maybe I would have got up and sat with my back to them (IF possible).

Look at it this way...you chose that restuarant, so did they...did you want to spend your meal listening to a newborn crying through the entire meal or have silence, dont look at the woman while she breastfed and have no crying/screaming baby while you ate.

I would go for the no crying, feed the baby now!! approach lol

Answer 5

Just keep in mind that it WAS you, not she, who drew attention to the situation. If the baby was screaming and she began feeding it, she undoubtedly quieted it. I sympathize with your unwillingness to watch a strange woman breastfeeding, and I think she should have covered up as much as she could without suffocating the baby, but it would probably have been best if you had discreetly summoned a waiter and asked whether there was another table you could move to. (Or you could have moved to the other side of your table and turned your back on the scene.)

Answer 6

Yes you were wrong, she was absolutely right, and no it isn't always possible to breastfeed discreetly. (I don't actually think breastfeeding SHOULD be discreet, but I'm willing to concede that others might.)

The "reason" they make pumps is so other people can feed the baby when the mother isn't around.

I do appreciate that you mention you don't like watching anyone eat, so it's not just the baby. Couldn't you have sat facing the wall, in that case?

Answer 7

it sounds like you did not give her a chance to cover up - mothers do not (like the common belief suggests) have more than two hands, unlike some deities.

it sounds like she to was rushed and might have had a hard day. she was at least trying to be understanding and compassionate of the other guests in the restaurant by trying to calm her crying child as soon as possible, with out causing a scene.

she had most likely asked for a table in the back corner to minimize the distraction children cause - unlike you who was probably placed at the back because restaurant staff do that to folks who are dinning alone because they feel sorry for them.

don't forget that although smaller, children are still human and have the right to eat anywhere you do.

next time order out and go for a picnic by the river.

Answer 8

This is really well-written, so I'm wondering if it's really true or not at least a little exaggerated. I actually agree with you that it's not appropriate to show one's breast in public. I wouldn't show it off under normal conditions, so why do it while breastfeeding? But for me discreet feeding under a blanket or something is ok.

Obviously, yelling at strangers in public is not okay, although you were shocked, I suppose. When you got your wits more about you, I hope you apologized for your reaction.

Answer 9

ALTHOUGH I feel that breastfeeding is best and people shouldnt get so uppity about it being done in public I think that women breast feeding should be discreet it's not a chance to be an exhibitionist...They have things you can use to cover yourself and there are several woman I knew who would breast feed their baby even walkign around and you wouldnt even know you would think they were just holding the baby......you probably couldve said something different but i suppose she couldve covered herself

Answer 10

She should have gone to the Ladies Lounge and did it there.Most restaurants have nice Ladies Rooms, and that is where it should have been done.Next she will change the baby at the dining table.