child dicipline?

Question

my sister in law has two kids 12 and almost 14. they are good kids and she loves them to death. the problem is that she is in her second marrige (my brother) and they just dont want to listen. when they are with their dad he just lets them do what eve they want to do. my family and their mom bust our taills to tell them whats right and to listen, but all they seem to do is talk back and act like they dont care because they know that we would not do any thing to them that they know will make them sad or angry. the girl acts like a baby(12 year old ) and the boy is starting to act like a little thug and a punk. he gets along with me sometimes because although im almost 30, i still live young sometimes. the sister in law is going to break any dsy now because the kids are just treating her like crap. what can she and we do to make them appreciate what they have in life and to change their attitudes. iknow its to late for spankings, so whats next?

Answer 1

Wow, that's a tough one. There's a lot of great information by some of the others, and a lot of SERIOUSLY STUPID ONES!!! You know who you stupid ones are!!
Hitting is not the answer. Communication between EVERYONE assisting in raising the children is ideal, but highly unrealistic.
By the way "Mom to be" how are you going to give advice on this when you're not even a mom yet? Boy, are YOU in for a treat!!
As I was saying, the kids need to learn that there are consequences for their actions, whether they be positive or negative. If they do something good, praise them. If they do something wrong, ground them or take something away that they enjoy. My 13 year old daughter knows that if her homework isn't done, no computer, phone tv, etc until the assignment is handed in. She has a schedule, which really helps!! She comes home from school at 3, has an hour to unwind, and is at the kitchen table at 4 doing her homework!! Her room is to be cleaned by MY standards every Saturday. I warn my daughter ahead of time too, "If you don't listen, this is what's going to happen". Make sure you stick with what you say otherwise they will walk all over you.

Answer 2

It's possible to fix, but almost too late. It requires them wanting to make a change. Essentially, and inadvertantly, the kids have been taught that the world revolves around them and that is "fixed" in a kids brain if they are taught that, by the time they are about 9 or so, so it's now very difficult to fix. They need TOTAL reversal, a very serious conversation and explanation that things are going to change for their own good, rules, expectations of conduct, and consequences when they go wrong. They actually WANT a more structered life and home environment but kids don't have the ability to impose it upon themselves and in it's absence will just take the easier road of self-pleasure. It's an issue of being firm, consistent, serious and not concerning yourself with their cries and pleas for mercy. Parents are not friends primarily, there are moments of that, but it's not the primary role. When behavior doesn't match expectations, then there has to be punishment which at their age generally mean they don't get to have their various toys, and they have to be willing to take this all the way to the point where they have nothing but a bed w/blankets in an empty room and even with no door. It's up to the parents, and both need to mean to do this.

Answer 3

I highly suggest that she get the books by Jo Frost who is Super Nanny. Although most of it is about younger children, there is lots that is applicable to preteen and teens.

The main thing is that she has to decide about what kind of discipline you want to use ( I suggest positive reinforcement and loss of privileges.) and stick to it. Consistency is the key. She will have a hard time and things may actually seem worse initially because kids that haven't had discipline aren't going to take it lying down.

I suggest they have a family, "Come to Jesus Meeting," and let them know things have to change.

If the kids have anger issues or have other issues, individual and family counseling may help. The Mom may also want to see about parenting classes.

Remember, even though they are not your children, in your home you have a right to have expectations. Let them know, if they are getting out of hand, and if push comes to shove tell them they will have to leave since they can't behave. Perhaps that will shame either the kids or the parents into getting a grip.

Answer 4

I do not believe in a spanking. I was never spanked but I can say my husband was beat. Today that would have been considered child abuse. My husband will still say he knew if he got caught he could get beat but he still did it anyway as he said the crime was worth the beating. My advice take away a privilege they have, cell phone, computer, video games give them a choir instead rake leaves, clean the garage, scrub the floor on there hands and knees the memory of that will last longer then a smack.

In life ever action has a consequence they need to learn now.

Answer 5

They should be punished. If they got away with bad behaviour and both parents treat them different it is not going to help the kids. The father should respect the mothers wishes and both parents should agree on treating the kids the same way, iow if the mother does not want the kids to have sweets between meals the father should not give them sweets between meals. If they know they are going to get away with being naughty with the dad they will take chances with the mother as well. Take away their cell-phone's or whatever it is they enjoy doing and if they start behaving again they can get it back. It is difficult when their are two parents who each have their own way of treating the kids. Thank God i don't have small children anymore.:))

Answer 6

Their behavior is normal both for their age and for their situation (going back and forth between divorced parents homes). They are pushing to see how far they can get because they are growing and maturing into young adults. They are also probably playing the "but dad lets me do it" game.

These are two separate issues.
here's what needs to happen:

1. mom and stepdad need to present a united front to the kids. Mom, since she's the blood relative, needs to be the disciplinarian, step dad just needs to back her up. No screaming, no yelling at the kids, most importantly NO ARGUING with the kids--they are KIDS, your brother and his wife are the ADULTS. This is not the time to be the kids best friends. This is not the time to compete with or make up for what does or doesn't go on at the dad's house. The kids understand that they are 2 separate places with different rules. Step dad needs to present himself to the kids as kind of like an uncle. He's another adult that the kids can go to who has the kids best interests at heart. The kids can go to him if they need to talk to an adult when it would be too difficult to talk to their own dad or their mom. He makes it clear, anything told to him is also told to the mom, he doesn't keep secrets from the mom.

2. Mom and stepdad need to make sure that they are doing things with the kids as a family. This helps with the bonding and merging of this blended family. Also make sure mom has some alone time once in a while with each of the kids. It makes the kids feel that each of them is special to mom and that stepdad hasn't replaced them in her heart.

3. Consistancy, consistancy, consistancy. No waffling, no wavering. But do leave room to allow the kids to negotiate with you. Understand that there will be some backsliding and more testing as the kids get older, but that is normal. They are too old for the "because I said so " convo anymore. If they want to know why they can't do something, tell them why they can't. Have the kids tell why they think they should be allowed to do the thing that they want.

4. DO NOT TOLERATE DISRESPECT. Let the kids know that they will be treated in a respectful manner but they also have to give respect as well.

you and the rest of your family are bystanders in this little drama. Just treat the kids as you would other kids (neices/nephews/grandchildren) in your family and let them know you expect to be treated in a respectful manner.

Tell your brother and his wife to check out the following:
National Stepfamily Resource Center
http://www.stepfamilies.info/

Good Luck.

Answer 7

particularly mom and dad could desire to have the main appropriate. toddlers choose regulations and limits and punishments for whilst they destroy the regulations. The "how a techniques" undertaking is an exceedingly subjective undertaking nevertheless. customarily i've got faith like spanking (perfect spanking, open hand, no longer "beating") isn't a huge deal. i grew to become into spanked as a baby, and my basically memory is "i do unlike being spanked, so i won't be able to do something undesirable". it somewhat is the completed purpose of punishment, to eliminate some thing or leave an effect (no longer a actual one) which will make toddlers undergo in concepts, "if I try this, i ought to have a result". That being reported, i think of the main effective situation with spanking is that some mom and dad do it whilst they are very offended and it could get out of hand. it somewhat is risky for a parent who's mad or who would not have sufficient self-discipline to spank a baby, then it could circulate over the line of self-discipline/baby abuse. one in all my prominent critiques on self-discipline is from Dr. Phil. He says that one and all you should do to self-discipline is remove some thing of value. it somewhat is usually a toy, time with their associates, etc. something that makes them think of two times before they destroy regulations. undesirable habit = result (each and every time). it somewhat is my 2 cents.

Answer 8

Your brother and sister in-law need to become parents to the children and not friends of theirs. This didn't just start on its own - they are letting the children get away with things...that has to stop.

Answer 9

I got my butt spanked till iw as 15
I turned out wonderful.
My parents were strict to a point and I didnt end up pregnant on drugs or in jail.
Good luck

Answer 10

Deprivation of things they like and can't live without. You have to beat them pshycologically.