My boyfriend of five years and I have been talking seriously of getting married. My friends tell me that I am making a huge mistake because he is the only boyfriend I have ever had. They say that I need to date other men and have my heart broken at least once before making such a commitment. However, I see it differently. I'm a person who likes to learn from other ppl's mistakes and I've learned a lot from my friends' failed relationships. As a result, I know how lucky I am to have my boyfriend. He's handsome, smart, funny, ambitious, compassionate, and incredibly kind to me, my family, and friends. I know it would be hard to find another guy like him. Knowing this, why is it so important for me to date other men and have my heart broken?
2007-12-14 05:52:22 · 35 answers · asked by ♪♪♪ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
what could I possibly learn from getting my heart broken?
2007-12-14 05:53:48 · update #1
Call me old fashioned, but i see nothing wrong with marrying the only guy uve ever been with. alot of people see diffrent people because they r looking for more, or like they say, new experiances. If ur happy with who ur with, stay with him and marry him. Ur not looking for more and if ur looking for new experiances... Have them with him. Alot of people will disagree with u but only because they havent found what u have. Go with ur ideas, not anybody elses
2007-12-14 06:00:54 · answer #1 · answered by just a thought 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A lot of people have answered your questions well... But let me answer it in my own version.
1. There is no need to have a failed relationship before you get married. I have never had one myself and my marriage of 5 years has been wonderful. However, if this guy is the first guy you've ever fallen in love with and dated, I have to caution you a little bit because you may not fully aware what is best for you and what you really want. Although my wife was my first and last girlfriend, I have dated other girls, and thus, I knew that my wife was the one I wanted.
2. Five years are definitely long enough to get to know each other well to make a good decision on getting married. That's one positive point you and your boyfriend have.
3. Your BF is wonderful. He's kind to everyone around you, not just you. That means he's really a good person, unless he's so good at faking it for all these 5 years that you can never see his true personality all this time.
4. You sound mature. If your boyfriend is as matured as you (personality-wise), then you have another positive point.
2007-12-14 06:14:02 · answer #2 · answered by sir_b_man 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i see the points on both sides of this story...
Me personally? I'm a firm believer that you don't know your limits until you've gone far past them. That being said, I partially agree with your friends; I believe it is important to know a range of people. By holding on to this one guy, you're cutting yourself off from possible life-altering experiences. Plus, how can you say he's the one if you have nothing to compare it to? Another thing... you want to make sure that it is really HIM you're after. A lot of times people just think they're the happiest because that relationship is all they know!
On the other hand, if you truly love him and can't see yourself without him... :-)
I have had friends in similar situations. Most of the time, trying out new things/seeing other people for a time was the best solution. But there were a few that stuck together and couldn't be happier today! So...
Bottom Line - I urge you to "take a break" and live the single life just for a little bit (not saying that you guys should just stop talking, but see what it is like apart... and I mean more than just a week). Then come back to this question, and you might have a better answer for yourself!
2007-12-14 05:56:22 · answer #3 · answered by Crimson_Kenpachi_11 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
OK, in my opinion your friends have given you stupid advice. You don't NEED to have your heart broken to know what love is and how to appreciate it, although such an experience may come in handy if/when things go wrong. More as a frame of reference than anything.
If anything your friends should tell you to maybe slow down and really consider such a big commitment, not tell you to run out and date a whole bunch of guys. That's ridiculous.
If he's great and you really feel that you two are mature enough to handle marriage for the long haul then don't let your perhaps slightly jealous friends stop you.
2007-12-14 06:03:43 · answer #4 · answered by Ali VDS United 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well yeah ask them if they are really your friends or not because getting your heat broken is not something everyone should experience that is just silly. Sounds like he loves you and you love him that is what matter in marriage. Too bad they had there hearts broken but girl you are lucky not to have. Marry the man he sounds great! It doesent matter if he is the only boyfriend you ever had your just lucky you didn't have to go fishing as many times as most. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years I was his first girlfriend we are getting married this summer. It is good that you do not have to risk getting STD's that is a good thing I say go for it and good luck. Maybe they might be a little jealous ya?
2007-12-14 06:03:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I Think what they mean is that you need to experience the world a little more before you can make a decision like that you and him. If he loves you now he will love you in a year or maybe even two but if it is supposed to be the commitment you and him are supposed to make it will be there when the time is necessary. I don't think you have to have your heart broken, but you can not learn from other peoples mistakes either.
2007-12-14 06:01:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
the only reason why your friends say that you need t date other men and get your heart broken is cause that's what they've had to go through. My friends said the same thing and stupid me I did it. I broke up with him and dated others the only thing was i didn't find anyone as good as him, but he found someone better than me. But that was high school and now i have my boyfriend and a beautiful daughter. as much as i love what i have now, i can't help but think what if i didn't leave and we were still together, would my heart not have to deal with so much pain and agony, and be so scared that i fear everyday of losing my boyfriend to someone better. i say don't chance it and follow YOUR heart and not what everyone else is doing. in the end you won't be kicking yourself.
2007-12-14 06:04:09 · answer #7 · answered by Lia Marie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't agree with your friends. It sounds like you have met your Prince Charming. Why the hell would you let him slip just to have your heart broken before committing to what could possibly be the beginning of a beautiful life together? Do not listen to your friends. If you and and your boyfriend are happy and certain that it is with each other you want to be married to, go for it. Best of luck! Many women would love to find what you have.
2007-12-14 05:59:24 · answer #8 · answered by Pretty Woman 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a couple of friends that married there "first" love
and they are still happily married after more than 20 years.
But don't forget, the odds are against it. Also 40% of
marriages don't make it. And the younger you marry, the
worse the odds. Sometimes your friends are seeing
something in your guy that you are not seeing. I wish a
few of my friends had listened to me before getting married. I really could have saved everyone a lot of pain.
You should listen to your friends, but ask them exactly
why they don't like him. If they do like him, and they just
think that you should be dating more, than I'd probably
ignore their advice. p.s. If you do get married, don't be an
absolute princess and demand a huge wedding. Bridezillas are getting out of hand. The biggest reason
for divorce is MONEY problems. Better to take the wedding money and start saving for a house. I know that
sounds cold, but I've heard way too many problems stemming form the huge weddings. p.p.s. If you like the
way he smells when sweating, your dna loves his dna,
so go for it.
2007-12-14 06:12:30 · answer #9 · answered by IplayadoconTV 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's fine if you guys get married. Your having not dated anyone else is actually refreshing... Getting your heart broken is not a needed experience. HOWEVER experience tells me that i should caution you that I have many friends in this situation and ALL have regretted it at least to a certain extent. You're missing out on the chance to experience other types of guys and trust me, you WILL get curious.
Having said that no marriage is perfect and maybe these will be things you can work through.
2007-12-14 05:59:09 · answer #10 · answered by radman2035 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure your friends only want to help, but there's no logic in what their telling you. I don't need to freeze outside before deciding that I like living in a heated home, or starve before I commit to eating food.
You've been together for 5 years, and you still have to go through the stress of an engagement and planning a wedding. Trust your own judgment, you'll know if it's right. When I met my wife, I knew right away that she was the one. I asked her to marry me 10 days later, and we've been married for 12 years now.
2007-12-14 06:08:30 · answer #11 · answered by Stratojaxter 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋