I have a gf for almost a year now. We know each other since `94 and are extremely happy together. One thought bothers me very much though and does not allow me to focus on other things. It is concerning my gf's other boyfriends before we were together.We lived in different countries for few years and lead separate ways of living. Now I can't get picture and thought out of my head that she'd been with some other guys in bed. The picture makes me feel just so bad.I feel anger,sadness,sickness in my stomach at the same time.I can't stop thinking about it. I know it's crazy,but the image of her in bed with some other guys make me feel so, that I want to cry. I haven't talked to her about it,as I guess I could upset her. I have no right to be angry at her nor blame her in any way,but I can't stop this horrible feeling coming back every few hours I have some spare time. I want it to go away and don't know why it doesn't.I need help, how to cope with that. I can't change the past, do I ?!
2007-12-14 05:28:12 · 17 answers · asked by surcharge 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I understand what you're saying...but realize that this insecurity comes from you, it has nothing to do with her. Tell her how you feel but don' t be angry with her. Deal with your insecurities from inside...and focus on other things. It's not fair to you or her to be focusing on past relationships. She was with other guys before and you were probably with other girls as well. Don't picture her having sex with anybody else. She is with you and that is all that matters. Focus on your PRESENT. It's a gift from God, that's why it's called the PRESENT.
2007-12-14 05:43:46 · answer #1 · answered by Diana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What your girlfriend did before she was in a relationship with you, has Nothing to do with you. What she did is in the past and Like you said you can't change the past and neither can she. So what you need to do is let it go, and seeing that this is hard for you. Then maybe you should tell her how you feel and so that if she loves you she can reasure you that what she has with you now is special and what she did in the past is the past. And also think about it you've probably been with other girls before her, and she doesn't seem to have a problem with that or at least she doesn't have the right too. So let it go and move on in your relationship theres not use of getting caught up with the past....Life is too SHorT!!!
2007-12-14 13:41:13 · answer #2 · answered by iluvmeushld2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have either slept with someone else , when you were out of the country... So it's on your subconscious mind.... You now think.. , well maybe she got some on the side too,, the thing is buddy... if you didn't bang anybody else while you were out of the the country.. then you have some insecurity issues... and that just means the relationship will not work out.. because you will not be happy.. .thinkin she has Banged somebody behind your back.. and even worse.. if you start talkin that in her ear.. you will make her miserable.. and she will not be happy.. so most likely she will leave you in the end... So if you really love her and want to work it out.. you will have to let it go... and figure if you did bang somebody .. and she really did too... You guys are really even...and now that you are in town... Hook her up in the right ways.. so that she is not wanting too or trying to bang anybody else anyway... ..So bottom line is.. You will have to leave the whole idea alone.. or just leave her alone... and try and to find a Virgin Girlfriend... and don't leave her in a different country while you are dating..
2007-12-14 13:38:32 · answer #3 · answered by dollapassadime 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude, your thoughts are crazy, let it go! it is ok! she is with you now and is probably happy.
why do you feel that way? do you think she still has feelings for those men? it is very NATURAL to have several bfs/gfs in a person's life. in fact it can be good, because person can learn what makes them happy and how to make others happy in those relationship and that helps them build a better one in the future. it is in the past and now only you matter! talk to a guy friend. don't upset her!
2007-12-14 13:33:01 · answer #4 · answered by mishkin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is definitely your issue. Think about other things when those thoughts start to creep into your head. Try talking to a counselor if they are really bad.
If you finally can't get over it, you need to be honest with your woman and let her move on to someone who can appreciate her for what she has to offer them right now and in the future.
Also understand that until you can get past this, you are going to be a very lonely man.
2007-12-14 13:34:30 · answer #5 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This feeling is normal, it will pass after a while and if you remember that she does have a past and she has been with other guys, but you can't change that, and she has chosen to be with you, and you are the one she cares about now.
Past boyfriends are in the past. Try to get over it.
2007-12-14 13:34:28 · answer #6 · answered by Robin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is the whole point of going out with other guys when you grow up. It gets you ready for a good husband one day. Don't be TOO insecure okay. Sometimes you have to loosen up some screws on that robot!
2007-12-14 13:37:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know what you mean, i really do. i think people who love someone are hurt that they couldn't wait for them (which i know is TOTALLY out of the mindset of society today), but the thing you have to focus on is that it was in the past and you can't change it regardless of how sick it makes you. you have her now.
but the flip side is, have YOU slept with her? if not, kudos to you, but if you have, you could be doing the same thing to her next boyfriend that previous boyfriends have done to you.
main point: you can't change it, you have to accept it, and if you love you you'll be able to look past it.
2007-12-14 13:35:09 · answer #8 · answered by :-) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe ur feelins re rite talk 2 her bout it in a way she wont get angry so u will stop worryin and botherin urself
2007-12-14 13:37:16 · answer #9 · answered by natasha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys were not together at the time. Get over it. How many have you sleep with before you got with her.
2007-12-14 13:31:34 · answer #10 · answered by ranger33 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋