I met me fiance online, she messaged me one day, and although we live in different states, we long distanced it for & after just under a year, we moved in and got engaged.
Our culture, needs us to be engaged b4 we can live together.
We've been living together ~6mons, and since after the first month i've come to feel/realize that she's not the one. She's absolutely great in every respect, family, friends, etc, etc..but i don't feel it for her at all anymore. I feel we are intrinsically different, i want different things. I just graduated from professional school a year ago, this is my first time 'out' and i feel as if i just want to be on my own. Its my mistake, i proposed, but i am so unhappy in this arrangement i don't know what to do. I've told her how i feel, 3 months in, she told me to give her time, but i just want out..i feel i'm wasting each others time.. We live together in a condo i purchased for us to live in, i'm so unsettled, i don't feel right at all.
2007-12-14 05:27:11 · 18 answers · asked by R T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You're going to have to be blunt with her and just tell her you want to end it...you gave it time and you're STILL not feeling anything for her. Sorry if it hurts the poor woman's feelings, but you have to think of yourself as well. She'll get over it.
Oh, and if the condo is in your name alone, put it on the market and sell it as soon as possible. This way she will HAVE to move out...so will you, but at least she can't use that as an excuse to stay.
2007-12-14 05:32:20 · answer #1 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Break it off now, it really sounds like you're wasting each other's time. This is something you def. want to take care of sooner rather than later. This is way better than getting divorced later. Since the condo's in your name, she should move out. Depending where you are, one of you could move back to your parents for a little bit or stay with a friend. Breaking up when you live together is like a mini-divorce- just in terms of all your stuff and all. You know what you need to do, good luck! P.S. I wouldn't recommend being friends until some time has passed.
2007-12-14 05:55:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. As painful as it may be for both of you, it's definitely better for you to break the engagement than go through with a marriage that isn't right for you. No matter how great she is, you need to be really excited about spending the rest of your life with her. If you're not sure about that, you shouldn't get married.
No offense, but it seems like you may have moved a little too quickly with the engagement. I've seen that happen a few times with long-distance relationships. A long-distance relationship of phone calls and e-mails is hugely different from living with someone on a daily basis. When you finally do get to be together, it's easy to let the excitement run away with you. ...and so you get engaged before you *really* know it's the right thing to do. That said, your story illustrates a good argument for living together *before* you get married. You found out before tying the knot that this relationship isn't right for you.
You know what you have to do. It won't be easy, but it's necessary. You're right to not want to waste each other's time in a dead-end situation. Assure this woman that she didn't do anything wrong, and then be prepared for her to be crushed. You're not doing anything wrong either. Things just don't always work out like we think they will.
Best of luck to you both.
2007-12-14 06:50:46 · answer #3 · answered by SE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to call the engagement off and tell her that you're just not ready to be married yet. Tell her that you care about her, but that you realize now that you rushed into getting engaged before the two of you really got to know one another. Things change sometimes after being together for a while. And living together will make them change even MORE if you're not meant to be together. But you do need to sit her down and make her realize that even though you care about her, it's not right and you both need to move on to bigger and better things.
2007-12-14 06:42:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do is to help her move to another place and break off the engagement. YES you purchased the condo .. so you stay there. But be nice and pay for an apartment for a couple of months. I hope this helps.
2007-12-14 07:54:46 · answer #5 · answered by Leslie Y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it doesn't feel right, then just do it - sounds like you ARE wasting your time (and hers, too); it's not an easy thing to do, but if you're not planning to stay in this relationship, you just need to take that step and break it off. There are lessons to be learned from it for both of you, so it won't be in vain - but it's not a good position to be in, for sure. Don't drag it out - be honest with her and start making arrangements to separate.
2007-12-14 08:01:55 · answer #6 · answered by Sandy Ego 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its great that you have talked to her about this and you did try and work it out. If you are not happy then you should not be with her. It is not fair to you or her. It will probably break her heart...but look at it this way, before you have children together and really get deep into this relationship you need to break it off, it will be much better off in the long run. Good Luck to you!
2007-12-14 05:47:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First make sure that this is not what you want. Relationships aren't always easy and happy but it really sounds like you didn't give yourself enough time to have any idea of what you wanted. Break it to her with as much truth and you can and then give her as much time as she needs to find somewhere else to live. Once it's off, don't complicate things or give her hope by staying friends - nice idea but it doesn't work - if you contact her at all give it six months after she's left the home.
Good luck.,
2007-12-14 05:35:52 · answer #8 · answered by Lex 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
IMHO, You know all you need to know. It will be hard, but you already know what you have to do. How seems to be your question.
Look for apartments for her to rent. Then take her out to look at them. Pay the security and 1st months rent to get her in if you have to. I know it's not fair to hold out a bad carrot, but the only shot this woman has is if you suddenly decide that your life is better with her than without her. In order for that possibility to arise you need to be apart.
You mentioned "your culture" If you tell her family you are no longer engaged they may make her move out. She will likely move on her own before forcing you to play this card.
Lastly men usually don't leave without another woman in the picture. I commend you for doing this without that crutch. Please don't wait till you find someone to make it easy for you.
2007-12-14 06:07:22 · answer #9 · answered by bountifiles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, looks to me like you can either do it now or after you get married. If you feel this strongly now, it's only going to get worse with time. If you wait until after you get married then it won't be as simple as one person having to move out, it will be so much more complicated. You know what's the right thing to do, so do it.
2007-12-14 08:33:23 · answer #10 · answered by sunflower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋