My fiance admitted to me he is addicted to porn. How can I help him get over that?

Question

He was single for 5 years prior to us meeting and I knew he looked at it before. One day I told him it made me feel like I was not good enough and that he needed something I could not provide. He told me that wasn't the case but that he would quit. He didn't look at it for the last 6 months (and yes I do know for sure he doesn't know how to clear it off) Tuesday I found traces of it on the computer I asked him about it and he told me that he couldn't lie to me and he told me the truth. Today he has admitted to me that he believes he has a problem but that he wants to get over it because he knows he will lose me if he doesn't . I was looking up thigns online for help but I'm trying to find stuff that I can help him with. He is a firm believer in God goes to bible studies and all so we have been praying about it but it seems to be somethign else I can do to help him.--Please no stupid answers- this is very rough for me and him as well and as of right now we dont wantprofessional service

Answer 1

I agree with the RN. You need to address the issue. It is you husband that need to seek help. I don't know what keeps you from seeking help. I suggest that you continue to pray for guidence. I think that it is great that you love your husband and that he loves you as well. The issue is an addiction/sickness that can not be fixed solely by love.

Here is a great article from:
http://www.pureonline.com/info-for-wives.cfm
YOU DIDN'T CAUSE IT AND YOU CANNOT CURE IT.
Here are some common questions wives of sex addicts ask themselves:

Am I to blame?

If you are like most women in your shoes, your husband was probably struggling with sexual sin long before he met you. It most likely began in childhood or adolescence, growing day-by-day and over the years, securing an unyielding grip on his life.

All addictions get worse over time, much like that of an alcoholic. Over time any addiction will begin to erode away at the personhood of the individual. The addiction takes on a life of its own and has nothing to do with you. Nothing you were doing or not doing was making the addiction worse. You are there in his life and perhaps a witness to the behavioral changes because of the pornography's impact on his life, but it doesn't make you responsible. He would struggle with pornography no matter whom he married.
Can I force my husband get help?

Very often, the one thing that gets a man into recovery is the urging (and sometimes the ultimatum) of his wife. While it is best for the man to decide on his own to get help, sometimes it just doesn’t happen this way. We (Pure Online) believe that God can use all kinds of circumstances to bring a man into right relationship with Himself - including (especially) the influence of his wife.
Will I ever be able to trust my husband again?

You might be thinking, "He's promised me so many times he has stopped and I still catch him acting out. How can I trust him?" This is a question you should be asking. After all, he has lied to you, betrayed you, and you have lost intimacy and lost years and maybe even experienced financial losses. Trust takes time; sometimes a long time, to rebuild. Trust can never be regained until there is a change in his behavior.
Is there any hope for our relationship?

Yes, IF he is willing to do the work that is required to recover. It has been my experience that he can become even more emotionally intimate with you than either of you have ever experienced. It is impossible to have close and healthy intimacy when one partner is living a secret life or living a fantasy life.

There is hope if YOU do the work necessary to recover. You have been damaged, betrayed, lied to and hurt over the years. You are going to need to heal too. This is your personal responsibility. You cannot blame him if you do not heal.

I hope this helps!
BEST WISHES!

Answer 2

Well, are you sure this is his problem and not yours? Does it interfere with his work? Does he take time away from other, more rewarding activities to look at porn? Is he hurting anyone by looking at pictures of naked women on his computer? Or are you just uncomfortable with this?
First off, to say that someone is "addicted' to anything, you need to show that it's harmful to his life and that this person will continue to use it regardless of the harm that it's causing, so I'm not sure the term applies here, just because something is difficult to stop does not mean it's an addiction (though that is one element of addictive behavior).
There is nothing inherently wrong with looking at porn. It doesn't hurt anyone, not even the person viewing it. There is a societal stigma on it, to be sure, but if you look at the popularity of adult web sites (There are currently 2 individual sites listed in the top 35 sites visited in the US) since the internet made it easy and anonymous, then you have to admit that there's something about human nature that seems to attract people to it.
So it sounds like your fiancee is really, honestly trying to stop a behavior that he finds difficult to quit and that harms nobody just because you feel uncomfortable with it, he's making quite the effort, perhaps the real answer here is for you to alter the way you think about it and not suggest dire retribution should be continue to look at these things ("....he knows he will loose me if he doesn't") and just accept that some things are part of human nature, even if we don't want them to be.

Answer 3

First off, allow me inform you that you're no longer the one one available in the market with this trouble. I have a pal who is fiancee simply left him on account that of a porn dependancy. You ought to appreciate that this isn't an effortless factor to conquer, and it is going to take him a while. One well position to begin is Sexaholics Anonymous. It's no longer "legit" and every person in there's any individual with a an identical or worse trouble so he may not consider so awkward. Next, you ought to appear at whether or not or no longer you're in a sexual "rut". This frequently occurs whilst intercourse turns into activities. Same time of day, regularly within the bed room, him at the backside...you on best, and many others. BORING!!! (Now in case your are not in a sexual dating allow him have the porn) Anyhow, take a look at replacing matters up, purchase a few new underwear, take a look at intercourse video games. If he demands severe intervention you can also ought to password safeguard the laptop so handiest you recognize the password, and he can handiest get on if you're there with him for a whilst. Assure him that you're going to be there for him, and if he's inclined to stay with it you are going to persist with him. Remember that dependancy is a disorder that calls for cure, no longer reprimand.

Answer 4

Personally, I think you are taking this way too personally. I know a lot of Christian guys and they all look at porn. All guys masterbate, even the Christian ones. For your fiance not to look at porn for six months and then to look at it again is hardly an addiction and certainly not big enough issue to lose you over. Are you going to take it personally when he masturbates while married too? A lot of young married guys masturbate it between sex. Marriage is for better or worse, not for immature computer snoops. Anyways, here is a Christain site for porn addicts which has a filter. Put the computer in the living room, not the bedroom. Unless, this is is interfering with his work, his friends, his health and relationships, it is not an addiction.

Answer 5

I agree I think this is beyond reparable by yourself or him, he needs professional help to get over this matter. This addiction is no different from any other addiction and needs to be dealt with asap.

Answer 6

well, if you don't want professional help, then you are likely to find yourself in the same position over and over again. If he cannot break his dependence on pornography he needs professional help.