Hi, my ex's bday was on Oct. 23rd and I was going to send him Da Vinci Code (a book he had always wanted to read) as a friendly gift and bday greeting. But then I asked for advice and people said not to. Now, I regret not sending it b/c it makes me come across rude. We went out for almost 4 years and there should be some amicable ground. Now that it's almost xmas, i want to send this gift as a belated bday gift and xmas gift. I don't want to regret this for the rest of my life. I know he is gone, and will not come back. I want to send him this gift and never look back, as a way to close this chapter of my life. I plan to say "Merry xmas and happy belated bday. Sorry I couldn't greet u on ur last bday due to the predicament. I meant to send this to u on ur bday. Hope everything goes well in all your future endeavors. Happy holidays. Best wishes."
Should I leave out "i meant to send this to u on ur bday"?
2007-12-14 03:41:31 · 30 answers · asked by angelgirly555 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I think you should send it. If this gives you closer and has been bothering you then simply get it sent and move on.
I think it is an excellent gesture of good will and will make things easier when you two happen upon each other. After 4 years your mutual friends will appreciate you being on some neutral ground.
2007-12-14 03:50:59 · answer #1 · answered by Mother Bear 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Did you purchase it before the break up? If so, then I say send it. If you purchased it after ... well ... I'm still trying to figure out why you did that. Today is my ex's birthday. I sent him a simple text message. We broke up four years ago, and I have since married someone else. He responded with an "I will always love you." ... Whether or not you get the same response, I can't tell you. My situation is far different. My ex will be the first to admit he has never gotten over me. If you really make the effort, then sure ... send it ... If you get a response, go from there. If you don't, then it's time to move on.
2016-05-23 22:44:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see you really want to do it. Go ahead. Believe in what you want to do. Stand up for what you want and just do it. Don't think so much. But surely, people here have been saying no for your own good. On the other hand, no one knows exactly how you feel....because they aren't *exactly* in your shoes either.....
Ok, but first thing: is he dating anyone? Think how your gift and message will come across if he receives it while his new date is around. It might lead to a discussion or an argument, or even a cold shoulder, or some misunderstandings between them? Maybe I am thinking far, but such things happen. So do keep your message short, and simple. No explanations of why you could not send him a birthday gift earlier. He will understand, that you both are not together! And I am sure he never even *expected* a gift. Think if you were in his position. If you broke up with a guy, would you expect he will send you a birthday gift? No right? Exactly.
Be a strong girl...and don't feel hurt if he does not acknowledge that he received your gift, or does not send you anything. You wanted to do this on your own, and you did it.
Sure, it is good to be on amicable grounds, esp if you both might be crossing paths, but it's not always a gift that makes things amicable. It could be a nod and a casual hi when you see him that makes for amicable ground too.
Do consider, that if you are hurting inside for him, then giving a gift, or thinking about him all the time and wanting to contact him, is only keeping you stuck in life. It is keeping you in a hole. After a breakup, if one wants to get over someone, distance and space is the only powerful foundation on which one can do such a thing.
Keeping all this in mind, send the gift with a simple 'happy belated birthday/happy christmas/happy holidays' note. No explanations needed. Don't apologize for anything. Wish him well, and sign off.
Yes, it would perhaps make him think you want to get back together - but if u dont mind him thinking that, then go ahead.
If u DO plan on being friends with him, you have to try to not contact him in any way for a good period of time. Being in touch will only delay ur healing....
Take care..
2007-12-14 05:08:03 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you believe that sending him the gift will be helpful to you in gettinng over him then you should send it. It's just a book. It's not like it's something personal or sexual. Since you didnt send it for his birthday and you're still thinking about it then you're not completely over him. Send him the book and end this chapter in your life and move on. Dont right the part about you meant to send it on his birthday. Just say it was a christmas gift.
2007-12-14 04:31:36 · answer #4 · answered by luvcaramel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he gets this gift he may be wondering if you want to get back with him. Even though its not your intention, giving gifts implies some type or relationship. Send him a Christmas card and wish him well in the new year and move on.
2007-12-14 03:50:47 · answer #5 · answered by Diane M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really, really think you should not send it to him at all. It makes you look like you are still pining away for him. If you want to come across as a strong, independent woman who is moving on with her life, don't send the gift. If you happen to see him in person (like at the mall or something), then say hi and be friendly and nonchalant.
2007-12-14 06:01:04 · answer #6 · answered by lilith984 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can send it but leave out the "meant to send".
You mentioned that you regret not sending it for
his B-day so send it like you said as a combo
B-day/Christmas. You can mention that you had
already bought the gift and knew he would enjoy it,
and hope all goes well. Take care. Sign the card
as "your friend" then your name.
Good Luck!!!
2007-12-14 04:19:21 · answer #7 · answered by EMT-207 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you really need to let him go your only hurting yourself more by holding on to the book then donate it to charity or a school!
no need to send it to him!
yes your right you should be amicable ground so if you see him while your shopping say hi and leave it at that!
no need to go an extra mile to make sure he knows that you still think about him! I'm sure he wouldn't do that for you!~ more over if he is over you...
I know your not over him because your still thinking about what you had! it hurts and kind gesters will not ease that pain may even increase because if he calls back to say thank you your going to think he is some what interested or he wouldn';t of called right!!! i know i have done that move... but what would happen if he put return to sender is taht going to hurt you even more!
there is nothing to regeret donate the book!
Heck i suck at reading and was told this book is hard to follow but would be a good read for me!
send it to me! i'll even send you something back to show how much i appreciate your thoughts to me someone who you don't know!
it's hard to let go but you need to!
2007-12-14 04:19:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice is wait and see if he sends you a card or gift. If he does then it is acceptable to send him the book (although he could get it himself if he really wanted to read it!), but do not write anything about his birthday. The only reasons for not sending it is if either of you are in a new relationship- stay away! Ask yourself though why you want to send it. It seems as though you are not over him??
2007-12-14 04:12:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya know... I don't think that there's any good reason not to send the book unless you want to keep it for yourself... I would send the gift as nothing more than one that a friends sends another friend because they know that it is a book that they "really want" to have...
Now I'm not sure of the situation that happened between you... and Yes, it seems like your not over him... But don't be worried about this as an excuse... Who knows, he may not be over you either...
2007-12-14 03:51:48 · answer #10 · answered by Rob D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋