My fiance and I are so very alike in many ways. However, the way that we differ most is that I am a planner. I like to plan things way ahead of time, and take things step by step. My fiance likes to do everything in the last 5 minutes when he absolutely has to. He does this with everything from the bills to Christmas presents. We set a wedding date but I cannot get him to start looking at locations or anything with me. We are trying to move in March of next year and he doesn't even want to start looking at anything until that is over because he says it's too stressful. But if we are going to have a wedding the week of Thanksgiving next year in a tropical location, I think we should start booking a place now, especially since we HAVE to do it that week because of his kids and their school schedules. He seems to think that it will all just work itself out and shouldn't take more than 5 months to plan. I think we need to send save-the-dates in advance to give people time to save.
2007-12-14 02:46:44 · 16 answers · asked by Deanrijo 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
How can I make him understand that we have to start working on this stuff? Or, am I being crazy and I should just relax and let it go until after the move?
2007-12-14 02:47:36 · update #1
I am in your situation, and have been for seven years. Neither of you are right, and neither of you are wrong. You just approach things differently. Here's what has worked for us.
1. Whenever possible, plan it yourself. Narrow down the location, for example, to two places. Then ask him "Right now, tell me which you prefer."
2. When you can't plan yourself, give him deadlines. Sure, you don't need to order the save the dates for another four weeks. But you need the guest list now (or at least, he needs to think you do). He plans for the short term future, so stock it with short term goals.
3. DO NOT NAG. It's hard to do, especially when you get so frustrated that his casual attitude toward planning becomes laziness in your opinion, but it's very important to not nag.
Best of luck!
2007-12-14 06:51:15 · answer #1 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want to start looking without him. Narrow it down to the places in your price range that are available, and give him a list to choose maybe 3 to look at with you. If you're needing the week the kids have off, remember it's not just you in that boat. So availability will be a consideration as the date gets closer and closer. I am a wedding officiant and I'm booking 2009 already. My advice is at least get the venue booked then plan after the move. Another thing to remember is that in the wedding industry we all get a flurry of calls after the New Year. People do their holiday stuff then set their sights on the wedding once that's over.
2007-12-14 05:46:31 · answer #2 · answered by bountifiles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your need to plan things out. It can be very tricky, especially if you have to do it in a specific time frame.
It sounds to me like your fiancee does not want to be "bothered" with any of the planning or anything to do with the wedding other than where he has to show up.
This type of behavior will not stop after the wedding is planned. If you are willing to accept this, then by all means do all the planning yourself. If this is an issue, which it sounds like from your question, it needs to be addressed now.
2007-12-14 05:14:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relax and thank God for giving the 2 of you these opportunities to find out how to best teamwork with your future husband and do it all in love! I am certain he knows and understands the importance of all that you've mentioned but he certainly has his approach, does he not? I see you as the accelerator in the car but he is more like the brake. Two very different functions but, as long as the motor is running, both are needed to keep the car in motion or be ready to be in motion, aren't they? So, what could you, the accelerator, do to work with Mr. Brake? How about divide and conquer? Maybe you take the wedding plan project and he takes care of housing. As long as you both agree that housing should be ready by next March, let him do it his way. Turn on your "magic" and ensure him that you love him, you need him and that you know he will find the best home for all of you and let him go. Give him the encouragement (we guys only need 2 areas taken care of to get us pumped, one is our stomachs and the other you know or will know) when you sense he needs it and fight off the "project manager" in you. He gets his ego trip. He feels needed. He feels useful. He feels in command. He already understands the responsiblities. He already loves you and he certainly loves his kids. So, he will go and get it done. And, you know what, because he did not feel pressured to get it done, he will naturally come to you and ask for your feelings and thoughts during house hunting. Then, you will naturally know the progress and don't need to worry about house hunting and the March "deadline". So, relax, enjoy this Christmas and think about the tropics. Congratulations!
2007-12-14 04:24:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men dont want to much to do with planning a wedding. What i do is research what i think is a good idea, i bring it up to him, and if he agrees i take care of it. I would give him a list of options that you like and ask him is opinion on them, and go from there. Its important that you start ahead of time especially with a traveling wedding. you will indeed need to send Save the Dates for all those people that you want to attend.
I say just plan what you think is a good idea, see what he says and if he agrees to your choice, let him know you are going to start booking, and go from there.
best of luck to you!
2007-12-14 03:43:10 · answer #5 · answered by Gotta luv it! 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he's leaving the burden on your shoulders, and he's used to putting things off as you are not, so of course that's just added stress for you.
I was thinking (and I'm not one to lean towards this normally) but in this case, how about getting a wedding planner? It doesn't have to be an expensive one, one who gets into all your personal choices and takes over, but someone who assists you in planning a schedule and keeping to it.
That way, it'd take the whole burden off of you, it'd help you out, and it would force your fiance to pay attention to a professional's advice in how a wedding should be planned -- rather than just listening to you and thinking you're just being a "bridezilla" ;) A professional's opinion added to the mix may help him give in and take part!
I just hope he doesn't continue to clash on these things while you're married, so it's good to get this worked out at this stage. Good luck! :)
2007-12-14 03:02:37 · answer #6 · answered by Fauna 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Plan it without him. If he wont help you, then he doesn't get a say. If he even dares to ask or voice a negative opinion about anything, tell him that you tried to get his opinion before plans were made, but none was given so you had to make the decision.
Just be aware: Anything that should be planned ahead of time in your marriage will be up to you (family vacations, birthday parties....). He's not going to change just because there is a ring on his finger.
Good Luck!
$ )
2007-12-14 03:08:16 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs. RJRG 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i would start looking things up and show him and when you find a place that you really like i am sure he will like it too..you should start planning about a year ahead of time for a destination wedding because you dont want them to be booked for the week you want.. and yes you should send save the dates so anyone who would want to go could take the time off they need way ahead of time and start saving for the trip good luck
2007-12-14 03:21:52 · answer #8 · answered by Julie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Explian how important this day is to you & that you really think you should start plannignit now, especially since it is a destination wedding. I don't think your being crazy. I am getting married in march 2009 in the area where I live & I'm starting to plan right after the holidays. What I do is brainstorm & ask him only about my final thouhgts for his input...that wya you don't have to bother him with all the thoughts you are going thru in ur mind for right now....good luck
2007-12-14 02:55:54 · answer #9 · answered by Jen J. 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
relax....and spare yourself the expense of the save-the-dates, no one saves those; if you are going to elope, elope, don't call it a destination wedding and expect family and friends to re-arrange their Thanksgiving plans for you; you and your fiance and you soon to be step kids should go, get married have a wonderful time; then have a reception when you come back.
2007-12-14 02:51:57 · answer #10 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋