I have never met my biological father,I guess when he found out my mother was pregnant he decided to not want anythig to do with me,he was married to soemone else..ooops! I knew my siblings names and did a search and found a younger brother who is only 20.I asked casual questions and he confirmed who his dad is.Should I tell him Im his sister?What if my father has kept me a secret for 35 yrs? And if I tell him,i'd cause a family fight at Christmas? Or should I jsut bite the bullet and come out and tell him,even if it does cause a fight in their family? I really want to tell him,but what are the consequences? What do I do?
2007-12-14 02:37:53 · 17 answers · asked by greeneyed_blonde72 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think you should tell him.
He may not no that you even exist.
And as far as your father, he might not know about you either.
But be prepared to be "disowned" all over again.
Not all extended family members are happy to meet siblings or children from a past relationship.
2007-12-14 02:52:59 · answer #1 · answered by Ella 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You do not owe your father any consideration but I would be considerate of what it would do to your brother. I suggest contacting the father and letting him know that you have found your brother. Tell him you intend on contacting the brother and you're giving him the chance to tell him about your first. It's going to be difficult on your brother if he has never been told about you. It will be harder if he finds out from someone else. You do not want to cause him any pain or other family troubles. If you do it could make things ugly and they could say you're being a trouble maker.
You have a right to know your family and you should talk to the brother about it. I'd give the parents a chance to tell him who you are so he has a chance to deal with them and his emotions. If he knows nothing about you and you tell him he could end up resenting you. Ever hear of "don't shoot the messenger". You don't want to be the messenger on this one. If the parents refuse to tell him then you should go ahead. Best of luck!
2007-12-14 13:20:07 · answer #2 · answered by MISS H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a nice Christmas gift finding a sister or brother you never knew you had. If anyone Christmas is ruined because of this, it is just to bad, but I really don't think so. If you know this is your brother for sure, let this out now... after 35 years it's about time, and what a good time it's Christmas time. I hope the consequences are well in your favor, and the other side as well, I do wish you all the best, and Merry Christmas to you and yours.
2007-12-14 10:01:55 · answer #3 · answered by carmel 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would wait until after Christmas. With information like that, it could cause a lot of emotional stress. If your father hasn't talked to you yet, then I'm sure no one else in the family knows about you and dropping all this info now might just make him hate you if it causes problems with his family and ruins the holidays. I think you should talk to your brother eventually, but I don't think that right now is a good time to do it. I hope everything works out for you. : ) Good luck.
2007-12-14 02:58:02 · answer #4 · answered by maybemaybenot 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. You definitely should tell him - you all are old enough and adults now.
2. You never met your biological father, so you don't know the TRUTH as to why he did not raise you. He may have loved you and have thought about you all these years - but due to circumstances and what he felt was in your best interest - he didn't contact you. You shouldn't believe anything you hear about your biological father unless you hear it straight from his lips.
Women who have babies often lie about the circumstances surrounding their pregnancy. They will often tell their children how "bad" their father was. These women will lie to either make themselves feel less guilty and/or to stop the kids from asking questions about their father and/or to stop the kids from searching or having a relationship with their father.
I've heard of women who told their kids that their biological father was married (when he wasn't), that their biological father was homeless (when he wasn't) and that their biological father was a "wife beater" (when he wasn't). Mothers say all kinds of crazy things. Sometimes mothers also say these things because they HAVE to come up with some sort of story to not get into trouble for getting pregnant in the first place (especially when they are young mothers). They tell their parents that a stranger raped them or that the biological father is a drug addict that took advantage - etc... You get the point.
2007-12-14 03:12:47 · answer #5 · answered by Dina K 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would just tell him what is going on...he is your family. If a fight arises at Christmas because you finally got to talk to your brother that you never met, then people need to grow up. That is your family and you have a right to tell them what is going on. I think that you shoudl tell him about what is going on, he deserves to know that he has a sister.
2007-12-14 02:44:44 · answer #6 · answered by Jamie07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell your brother you really are..I would explain to him the situation about your dad keeping you a secret.. Also tell him that you've been looking for a while, and you have finally found your long lost brother.. Good luck, and hope all goes well for you
2007-12-14 02:44:40 · answer #7 · answered by jmk_90 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.sit down with your mother quietly and give a what if scenario once she gets suspicious then you can say "what if 2 of your kids were doing it and one of them was not me?" Tell her you feel uncomfortable knowing this is going on and is there a quiet way she can put a stop to it. Let her know you do not wish to cause any waves in the family, but you feel weird with this happening
2016-05-23 22:33:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him. Even if it will cause a fight but you are 35 already u can do what ever you want and I think you brother will apreciate that u told him that. Good luck
2007-12-14 02:51:07 · answer #9 · answered by nice_girl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes you should....family is family hunnie and there is nothing better...family will always be there for you.If he does not know that you are his sister it is the right thing to do is to tell him.im sure he will be as pleased as you are.its not good to keep secrets from family.trust and believe.but if you don't you will whenever your ready. Just take it one step at a time.don't stress yourself out.it will all be for the best when the secret finally comes out of its hiding spot.believe me ive been in the same situation.But everything worked out and i have me and all my family to be happy with.have a merry christmas.
2007-12-14 02:47:45 · answer #10 · answered by Nikki T 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋