Ok, I will give you the reader's digest edition of my story. I will be 30 years old next month. I moved back home with my mother 2 years ago when my father passed away to help emotionally as well as financially. I gave up my apartment and placed all of my things in her basement(which flooded so I pretty much lost everything. My brother went off to the military shortly after my father died so I knew she really needed me.
I just recently had a baby (he is 13 weeks old) and my mother has volunteered to watch him on her days off (mon & tue) and pick him up from the sitter on wed & thurs (he is with his dad on fri and me on the weekend(I do not leave my son to go anywhere but work by the way)! Anyway, lately she has been throwing in my face the things she does for me and my son. I have never asked her for anything by the way, she just loves to spend money even though my son doesn't want or need for anything. We have been fighting on a regular basis over the smallest of things.
2007-12-14 02:20:34 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Anyway, we are constantly arguing and I feel like it's time for me to go (long over due). I have decided to move in with my son's father who lives about an hour away. Which means I will have to find other means of a babysitter (which I am working on by the way).
My Question to you is this, am I wrong for leaving her? I feel guilty that I am taking my son away from her and he is the only thing that has brought joy to her in a very long time. But I am tired of fighting, I am tired of her throwing at me how much she does for me and my son. Besides, I am going to be 30 years old and need to leave my mother's house already.
2007-12-14 02:23:58 · update #1
I would say you did the right thing. Your going to be 30 years old and you have your own child to worry about. Your mom will be fine. Just try to keep the lines of communication open with her...she needs her grandson..but she also needs time to grief over the loss of your father (which btw I am very sorry). Just live your life and don't put the guilt on yourself, you were caring and helped her in her time of need. She will be alright. Good luck to you.
2007-12-14 02:30:00 · answer #1 · answered by Nikki 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I don't think the question is that you are too old to be living with your mother. The circumstances are different, and at this point in her life she did need you.
However, I would sit down with her and talk to her first, before just packing up and leaving. Ask her if she would prefer to be on her own, because you feel that the relationship is becoming strained. Tell her that you do not like money spent, either way, being thrown in your face and that if she wants you to move out to say so.
See what she tells you and go from there. If she is still grumbling and still has the same attitude then leave. However, I would suggest to you that you do not move in with your child's father at this time. Be independent for a while and find out if you and he should be together or not. You could be going from the fire into another fire. Your children do not need to get used to someone as their father, and then you pack up again, and move somewhere else. They need stability not confusion. Please consider them and what they will be going through the next few years.
2007-12-14 02:38:20 · answer #2 · answered by Maureen S 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't think you need to justify why you need to leave. You are a grown woman and its almost impossible for two grown women to live together.
I'm not sure why you thought you needed to in the first place, you are not responsible for your mothers well being. Your mom has a job and she had a life before you came along and should get back to it. Especially if you believe that your son is the only joy in her life. You aren't helping by making her emotionally dependent on you.
An hour away isn't too far, alot of people drive that both ways to work. Arrange to make it fair for both of you, and when you can, and your son is older, send him to visit grandma for a couple of days. You could probably use the break.
2007-12-14 02:29:55 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Depends on which state you live in. Contact a lawyer. Also, you didn't know this was an issue before you married him? Is this problem insurmountable? Seems like there are worse things you could be dealing with and you did marry for better or worse, right? Divorce should always be a last resort and taken very seriously. I've been there, done that...but we tried working things (many many things) out for three years before officially calling it quits. Besides, don't worry about "stuff"...worry about your safety/well-being. You can always get more stuff, money, whatever. Best of luck to you.
2016-05-23 22:31:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
More than anything - it seems like you are ready - and that's good. It would be much better and healthier for your son if you are living with his father!!!! That's a no brainer!!!
Your mother has never spent any time living alone in life - and almost everyone has to face living alone when their spouse dies. Luckily, since your mother had YOU - she didn't have the shock of living alone AND handling grief of a serious loss.
The two of you are fighting because no one has set boundaries and no one is following any rules (or if there were boundaries set they have been broken). Even after you move out - you need to set boundaries with your mom and her behavior. If she can't follow the rules then you can't have a relationship with her.
Also, please don't mention the basement flooding thing again - that wasn't your mom's fault and you make it seem like it was. Basements DO flood - so get over it and move on with that issue. Don't bring it up again.
2007-12-14 03:20:21 · answer #5 · answered by Dina K 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you think moving out is the best for you and your son then that is what you need to do...And it sounds like that is the best thing! Maybe you could work it out with your mom so that maybe one night a weeked she could have her grandson for the night. Do not cut off all ties between her and the baby, that is not fair! Good luck and I am sure your mom will understand
2007-12-14 02:44:01 · answer #6 · answered by momof3 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay I have been in a similar situation like this...
~ She doesn't have much going on in her life but you and your child thats where the fustration is coming from plus she doesn't have anyone but you all
as for you moving out that is the best thing to do and it will be healthier for you and her relationship
Don't be suprised if she will still complain you just have to deal with it and know how to deal with her with respect
*** Once I moved out she still was telling me what to cook my child, when he can watch tv blah blah I had to tell her she can only run one house hold and thats her's..
Mothers can be really controlling and you just have to remeber that its your mom and you will miss her when she is gone but its your life and .isten to her but do whats best for you
Things will get Better
2007-12-14 02:37:33 · answer #7 · answered by Fruitful1 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think that you should move out, your son needs a father more than he needs a grandmother. (no disrespect) you should bring your son to her house sometimes so she can see him, but then when he does go over there she can spoil him and do whatever and it wont be on you becuase she wanted to see him.
2007-12-14 02:33:41 · answer #8 · answered by krystal w 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The details don't really matter, it was a mistake to move in with her in the first place. It's unnatural and will ALWAYS lead to problems. Move out ASAP.
2007-12-14 02:27:39 · answer #9 · answered by The Scorpion 6 · 0⤊ 4⤋