How do I forgive my father and let go of my bitterness?

Question

I had difficult and unsupportive relationships with my parents, particularly with my father, as a child, which has lead to me being an anxious and poorly functioning adult. Despite being 32 and with a home and husband of my own, I am still bitter and angry at them and have regular periods of depression where I relate my reactions to current events back to how they treated me as a child.

How can I get past this and move forward with a positive attitude?

Answer 1

Truthfully, the only way you will ever be able to overcome this is with professional help. You know, we can't help the things we were subjected to in childhood but once we become adults it is our responsibility to seek a remedy to something such as this, especially since it's causing you problems. I would not recommend you talk to your parents about any of this. If they had the insight and ability to help you work through this they would have never caused the problem to begin with. You already have a good deal of insight into the situation so I imagine it won't take long for you and a good therapist to sort through this issue and for you to find relief. You are still young and have many years ahead of you to be happy and to have a good life so the investment of your time and money at this point will be well worth it. I wish you the best.

Answer 2

It took me a long time but it is good to see that you have the will to do it - that is half the battle.

Apparently all forgiveness is self forgiveness having got through it I can see that is true because what we are re putting out onto others as guilt blame and shame is an avoidance of our own part in it and our guilt blame and shame.
Something that has helped me greatly on the way has been realisation that we are all flawed and
incomplete; so finding compassion for peoples limitations. Yes he should have been supportive and couldn't manage it with his beautiful daughter and that is so sad for all of you, and I guess he has defence and doesn't say sorry which means he is very vulnerable.

It is very sad that a lot of us had ineffectual parenting but tying yourself in to this bitterness is only harmimg your life now - so let go for oyur own well being.
A counsellor is a good idea - The help spot for you.

Answer 3

I experienced great emotional relief and an almost immediate liberation to "get on with MY life" when I worked to assess my father's personal growth/non-growth factors in view of the decades of his formative years (stock market failure, war, famine, oppression, discrimination) as well as his parents and the dominant influences in his formative years.

I did not dismiss nor minimize the damage inflicted on my life from his flawed damage.

I was about your age when I was able to "process" this aspect of my life, so don't be too self-critical. After all, the damage is big; I caution you to not compound the "costs" by imposing artificial deadlines or expectations.

I was so amazed that when I past this chapter, my relationships with my husband, family and friends grew tremendously.

The "payoff" was more than worth the "pain" it took to flush this junk from my past! Be positive.

A therapist, counselor, rabbi/imam/pastor, or wise & good confidential friend might aid your journey.

Hang in there!

Answer 4

All i understand is that it takes time.... a pal as quickly as instructed me a announcing that I even have by no ability forgotten, it somewhat is that 'human beings by no ability fail to disappoint me'. sadness and harm would be there throughtout existence by using fact particularly all of us is out for themselves. There are few people who think of roughly others than themselves first. I even have been interior the placement that I even have been harm badly - yet I even have learnt to forgive - no longer forget approximately yet forgive. the way that i did this grew to become into time and in my eyes the thought i do no longer prefer to circulate via existence being bitter and having regrets. you basically stay as quickly as so income on existence nad dont carry grudges. they only devour away at you and make you unhappy. solid good fortune, it somewhat is one in all lifes mysteries.

Answer 5

I had that and my dad was linked to my depressions a therapist said and I was angry all my life but I guess he did what he thought was best in his eyes and didn't realise that he caused me to have a low self esteem,depression,low self worth etc. It wasn't deliberate I know. As I got older I forgave him and I know this sounds awful but he is dead now and most the anger has mainly gone now,but I still attract mentally abusive men subconsciousl Don't think it will ever leave entirely but I promise you it will get better in time.

Answer 6

Hi i can understand how you feel with reguards to being bitter and angry with your father,i have recently found out that my dad aged 70 yrs old has been sexually abusing my 14yr old daughter since she was 9yrs old!,and she has been ill since she was 10yrs old with a brain tumor!.
He is currently awaiting court trial and its taking all my time to hang in there but o have too for my daughter!,i do understand your sadness and trauma though and can only suggest you contact victim support,or ask your gp for help with counselling,im not allowed any ,nor is my daughter till after the trial,as the police have said it may interfere with the trial and our statements,its so crap,good luck and hope you can one day put it behind you x

Answer 7

It doesn't mean you have to accept the behavior that makes you angry. The idea of forgiving is to help you to get on with your life. The main thing is to not let it hold you back.

Answer 8

sometimes you cant untill its too late i know where you are comming from i was in the same position but never done anything about and now i feel a wee bit guilty now and again but i have to say to myself ive got my life to live and whats done is done but please try to bury the hatchet with him you just may feel better remember you can always keep him at arms lenght and choose when and if you want to see him the very best of luck to you

Answer 9

Let me tell you it takes years and a lot of counseling -- both of my parents are deceased now, and at times I still slip back into the bitterness mode. You just have to try to overcome and live every day trying to forgive and forget.

Answer 10

Try to adopt the view that.... you can fail because of the situation when you were younger, or you can succeed in spite of it. Always endeavour to be a better person than your father and learn how NOT to do something, rather than how to do it, from him. I hope that's come over right - I know what I want to say, but you may not quite understand it as its written.