LDS and others, are people not a part of the church?

Question

Think about it. I was told today that I shouldn't leave the church just because some misinformed people judge me and send me on guilt trips, and act in other unchristian ways toward my family... Okay....are these people not taught the same gospel I am? Are they not members of the same church body as me? Am I not expected to believe the things they believe? They are my teachers, my friends, and in a sense, my family. I am the only member in my real family, so they are the mirror and standard of righteousness I have to judge against.

If they can't get the teachings of the church right, then why am I here? I mean, i suppose I could apply to a new university, move out of my parents and find a new one, but if I happen upon a new ward like my current one, then what? Do i keep moving around trying to find where I belong? Or am I expected to tolerate it the way it is?

Ugh. There's nothing wrong with my testimony... and there's nothing wrong with not being a Christian. I believe I am one, but if not, then at least I have the truth. Please, if you are not going to answer my question, then don't, you don't deserve the two points in that case.....

I concede on the Jesus being my miror. And because I do understand that is where I have this problem. How can i be a part of something that teaches Jesus, but doesn't live it? My issue is not with doctrine, it's with hypocrisy. Do I really need a church family like that? Should i tolerate them for God's sake?

(no pun intended)

LOL. rbw, my family's judging my every move is right on par with my church family's. The only difference is that while I might catch it on all sides, I'm only really stuck with my parents.....

Answer 1

Wow. You are right, people are part of the church. Have you talked to someone about this? Like, seriously confront them with their insensitivity.

As far as the rest of it...people are fallible. I say that....a lot. but honestly, we don't know it all. Nobody has it perfect. Though I tend to be in agreement that if they are going to teach you and expect you to take them seriously they ought to know their stuff. So, tell someone bigger about it. Is it your teachers? Talk to your bishop. If it is your bishop, still talk to him about it, but do it with some prayer.....

And if it's not resolved to your satisfaction, by all means, take a break. Fast and pray. This too, shall pass. you are not doomed to a lifetime of inferior church experiences, that I assure you. ;)

Answer 2

Think about the people in the Book of Mormon, just how many of the "members" of the church in the book of Jacob were bad examples to their children, prideful, neglectful of the poor, etc. If the members of your family are more righteous than church members, that's a good thing :)

Not all wards are bad. For a ward to be open and accepting as a whole, I think it requires maybe a huge spiritual awakening, or simply years of continuous compassion and love. However, I have seen love and welcoming in wards where I have lived. It's lonely sometimes being a member of the church, especially when you don't fit into a standard personality type and you find people judging you.

Keep in mind that there are others who are feeling the same way as you. Where are other outcasts going to go inside the church if there are not people who can empathize with the feeling of being an outsider?

It doesn't take too long to figure out what the atmosphere of a ward is when visiting it. Try and see if another ward will suit you better. Ask the advice of your bishop. Pray about it. And forgive the people who are oppressing you and your family.

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." -- John 14:27

Best of luck.

Answer 3

People are human, and make bad choices and can be unkind at times. I would not consider that a church error or doctrinal problem, but a human problem. Consider that if we would all be perfect, there would not really be a need for church or for repentance. We would be perfect.
But of course we are not perfect and need a Savior. Christ taught that the "whole hath not a need for a physician, but them that are sick."
It is because we are all human that we need the church and need Christ.
It is unfortunate that some have let their human frailties and weaknesses effect you and your family. I am truly sorry that you have had to experience that. Please realize that God loves you, that there are people out there that do.
Perhaps God has something for you to learn from this experience and it can help you become a stronger and more Christlike person yourself from it.

My 2 cents

Answer 4

A religion should be judged on it's doctorine, not on its members. The Gospel is perfect, people are not, therefore, even if they believe in the same religion as you, it does not mean the live it perfectly, and thus can not be expected to be perfect.

The best thing you can do, is not leave the Gospel (which is perfect), but to live your life as an example to those who may be struggling, and acting less than perfect towards you and your family.

Answer 5

The church is a vehicle - not the destination. And there is a distinction between the gospel of Christ and the church of Christ. The church has all the necessary ordinances necessary pertaining to exaltation. The gospel contains the doctrine. They go hand in hand. The people in the church are not perfect -- they are at varying stages along their own path.

Do not go to church because of the people. Go to church because that is where your Savior has asked you to be. Think about the word worship. What does it mean to you? Consider hero-worship. We want to be like them, given the opportunity we hang out with them or join fan-clubs in order to be with others who idealize or 'worship' our hero. We go to the house of the Lord not only for the meetings and ordinances, but because it is His house. We are closer to Him there. In His house, we can join with others who are seeking to be closer to Him.
I have lived in wards where I had no support from the members or leaders. I know it is difficult. But I also never wanted to disappoint my Savior. I didn't want Him to ever have cause to wonder where I would be on the Sabbath. I want to make sure He knows I am exactly where he has asked me to be.
All that having been said, let me share something of my own experience with you. I hear loneliness speaking through your words. Too often we are so busy with our lives and families we do not take or make the time to develop friendships as we should. I was struck at the Nauvoo pageant how the early saints would gather at the landing when a shipload of immigrants would disembark -- and by the time the ship was unloaded, the Saints made sure everyone had a place to go and that their needs were known and plans made to take care of them. This is surely how the gospel and church should work in harmony. And I realized that I do not do all I can to ensure that this takes place. It is my responsibility first and foremost to make certain that I am living the gospel and standards of my Savior. I need to be more charitable. I need to be more giving of my time. I need to be more outgoing and invite the other people in my ward to join me in activities. I need to follow the Spirit when it whispers for me to stop at someone's home just to say hello. And, funny enough, as I made that determination to change from within, the ward seemed friendlier. It seemed people asked me to be more involved.
The lesson learned? Be more charitable towards others. They may be waiting for some sign that you want to be their friend. They maybe hiding their own insecurities and self-doubts.
Best wishes.

Answer 6

I don't know your entire situation- just the little bit you have said here. Without knowing the whole story, it is hard to tell you what to do. That being said, I can say a few things that may help.

First of all I have been in wards with people who were snooty like that (mostly in Utah) especially when I was a teenager, so I know how tough it can be. They are all taught the same gospel, but we all have agency and we all exercise it differently. I think it is sad that is sort of behavior exists in the church. It is certainly not Christ-Like. But I do know what it is like to be the one in the ward, that everyone is mean to. I was kind of a nerdy kid- heck I am still a little nerdy- I have just toned it down some as an adult. The kids in the ward I grew up in were not always nice to me. I get how tough it can be- I have been there. But you have to just hang in there. I have also met those who won't befriend non-members. If you have paid attention at general conference, in at least the last several years, I can remember the Brethren telling us that this behavior is wrong, we should befriend anyone who shares our values and interests, anyone who will uplift and support us, regardless of their religion, or lack of religion.

I don't like when people complain about being "judged" we all make judgements about other people. Sometimes that is essential to living a healthy life. Unfairly judging people is wrong- that is when you exclude someone based on their race, religion, where they shop, how much money they have- really the petty stuff. But we have to protect ourselves and our children, I believe in being nice to everyone, but I won't invite a registered sex offender to have dinner with my family. That is just stupid. If someone is abusive to me, I may be nice to them, but I won't include them in my daily activities. I have to think about my safety. Those examples are passing judgement, but they are essential to my safety.

Now that being said- I think maybe you need to stop whining about this. I know how tough it can be. But it is time to stop complaining about things that are out of your control. You have no control over the actions of others. You only have control over your actions. Go to church, put on a happy face. Befriend new people who move into your ward. Be kind to those in your ward. Seek out opportunities to serve others. Try to be more grateful for the blessings in your life. Do your best to be an example of Christ like living to those in your ward. (BTW when you say they are not being Christian- you are judging them). Be more teachable. Strive to be a better person and to live the gospel the best you can. Get the chip off your shoulder and start being happy. I know that might sound harsh, but the more you sit around complaining about how badly you are treated, the worse your life will get. I can't guarantee that you will instantly have friends at church this way, but at least you will feel better about yourself and you will have a better outlook on life.

Answer 7

Are you single and over 18? Well the church is perfect and people are not. You might feel better if you go to a singles ward. People of your age, and marital status.
Try to find out if there's a single ward in your area or region if not stake.

Answer 8

As far as I know, no one at any church is perfect. We all have issues to deal with. Some struggle with addictions like smoking, fornication, pornography, etc. Others struggle with pride. Some need to overcome social anxieties. I think it was King Mosiah who said that he couldn't list all the ways there are to sin. If there are some people at church or in your family that are struggling with pride and being judgmental, I would suggest either ignoring it, or calling them on it (in a good, not-so-confrontational way) I'm reminded of a story of a lady that didn't want to go to church. She was a smoker, and no one wanted to sit by her because she smelled like smoke. It was pointed out that if all sins smelled, we would all smell like smokers. Going to church is an excellent way to worship, learn the gospel, find ways to improve and held others. Don't let other people dictate where or how you worship.

Good luck

Answer 9

Well you have to do what is best for you. I honestly could care less about what anyone thinks about me. That's just where I am in life. You may not like this, but I feel your problems are a lot more internal than external. You may have to go out there and hit a bottom in life to really find out who you are and what you want and what will bring you joy and happiness. What you think is going on is not always the case. But this is something you will have to find out on your own. It might take you leaving the church for you to find out how much you want it in your life. I don't recommend it, but sometimes that is what it takes.

Answer 10

Someone once told me, "The Church isn't a club for Saints, it's a hospital for sinners."
That helped me to realize that everyone there is working on something. We all have issues we are dealing wiht, we are all imperfect.
All I can work on are my own problems, not everyone elses.
No one can really "send" you on a guilt trip, just as no one can "make" you angry. It's your decision and choice how to deal with how people treat you.
Like someone else said, the gospel is perfect, the people are not.
Often they key to change is within ourselves.

Answer 11

Patience. Have a little. Give others a second chance and they will do the same. The Gospel is perfect, the people need some work.