help my life is pants?

Question

Hi im having a bad week this week as its quite a lonely time for me as i see my sis and others buying presents for their other half and you think when is it giong to be my turn and it comes to a point where u think you are distined to be alone for along time. I feel my life is very dissatisfying and was wondering if anyone could offer me some inspiration or words of advice to help me turn my self around as i cant go on feeling like this.

I feel inferior to girls in my office as theyre skinnier and they seem to demand the attention of every person who comes into my offce. In particular i find the one girl tends to muscle in on everyone friends and get in with everyone. She flirts with every guy who comes into the office. I also feel she looks her nose down. She knows more people than me in the office and ive been here longer and i think its down to they all fancy her

I want to feel comfortable in my own skin which i dont

Answer 1

Firstly, why have you re-posted this under mental health. This is certainly not the problem area. I am sure you are no doubt a lovely lady with a personality to siut. Why do you let this other woman/other women get under your skin. Remember this is happening at your workplace. These type of 'romances' or whatever you want to call them very rarely work out. Get out and about, enlarge your circle of friends beyond work and enjoy life, finding someone who loves you for who you are !! Forget about the others, you are number ONE and, even though I don't know you, you must be a better person than any of your work colleagues !!

Answer 2

You obviously are a nice person to be concerned about how your perceived. My advice to you is bluff it girl, be an actress walk tall make eye-contact and interact a bit more. It's very scary I've been there after a while it will become natural as your confidence will definitely grow. You will still have times when your scared and feeling as you do now, but it will past. It is important that you straighten up (I mean that literally) because if you look like a victim you will be a victim.

Also many people will be in the same position as yourself so don't worry. It's one day out of the year and it will be over in 24hours and that's it. Just think to yourself by this time 9days away everything will be back to normal. Just because others have partner's does not mean they're happy, (most relationship's are not what they seem). There is someone out there for you and wouldn't it be better finding your soul-mate that rush into a relationship that isn't what you want.

Good luck and good health to you. Thing's will get better but you have to work at it also.

Answer 3

Having a boyfriend(I presume your a woman) is not a privilige or a right just because some one is good inside does not mean they will autmaticaly get it. Youve got to stop feeling sory for yourself , your sister having a boyfreind is circumstancle it is luck and being in the right place at the right time. From what you have writien you do not seem like a outgoing kind of person there is nothing wrong with that if you want to find a man all you need to do is take pride in yourself and be intrested in what others say and find things of intrest to talk about if you find it dificult to relate to men at work consider in the new year joining a class or some group that you have an intrest in. Even if you alone this christmas think about the plus points unlike your sister you dont have to please any one else you can chill out watch tv read listen to music do what you want when you want . Dont think your the only one in this situation besides being in a relationship can be frought it could end at any time you will have to make compromises when you dont want too it's not all roses and music.
Use the holiday peroid too re asses your life in a postive way define clearer what it is you want for 2008 be happy in your self first then youll find the rest is just a piece of cake.

Answer 4

It's difficult when everyone around you seems to have a partner, but you must stop looking at them, and what you think they have, and what you don't have. You will only become more miserable, and your personality will be less attractive to others.

Try to concentrate on things you enjoy. Activities you enjoy (maybe take up a new hobby.... something your interested in). You'll meet new friends who have something in common with you. When you become more comfortable with yourself and who you really are, you will become more confident and you will find that people are drawn to you for your personality.

You can't expect to be more popular at work because you have been there longer. That isn't how it works. Friendship isn't a right, it's where 2 people are drawn to each other’s personalities. I choose my friends because I click with them, not because they are good looking or slim. I have fat friends who are great fun! The best way to find a good friend is to find something you enjoy, and you are more likely to meet like minded people.

You shouldn't feel inferior. You are as good as the next person, and have a right to be happy. If anyone looks down on you because of your size etc. then they have shallow personalities, and are not worth bothering with anyway.

Lastly, just remember that looks can be deceptive. I remember when I was single. I used to look around at friends and relatives who looked so happy with their partners/children etc. Then a few years down the line they have split up and I have found out that they weren't happy at all at that time. A lot of people would prefer to be with someone they are not happy with than to be on their own, so persist with an unhappy relationship while giving the appearance (even to close relatives) that everything is perfect.

Concentrate on being happy with yourself and everything else will follow. "Don't worry, be happy"

Answer 5

The girl in your office sounds a little shallow where as you sound as though you have real depth of character. When the initial flush of sex wears off there has to be something else there to sustain a relationship. Don't despair because things always change. I split up with someone after 13 years last new year and I've not met anyone else yet. I'm spending xmas entirely alone and I'm not looking forward to it but I have to remind myself that it's a short period out of a long year. That's what you need to do - remind yourself that this is just a bad patch in a long life. Try and make some new friends outside work and then you won't notice what the airheads get up to! Good luck x

Answer 6

Feeling comfortable in your skin is all about having the belief in your self. You are just a bit low on self confidence and self esteem Hun that's all.Look at this girl in your office that intimidates you slightly, another way. You think she is popular, getting all the attention from the guys etc, they may look at her a different way Hun, they may look at her as easy.!!! Do you really want to be looked at in the same way. Do you want a guy looking at you with the idea that he is only there because he thinks he can get what he wants so easily without having to work at it.No you dont and you know why, because you are better than that and are worth more than that. This women only intimidates you because you let her. You have nothing to worry about from her, she is no threat to you personally.Been skinny is not everything love ok, a lot of men prefer the fuller figured lady, they dont like to see skin and bone, where is the pleasure in that.Besides you should be loved for you, not for the way you look. You know all these women who are in magazines hun, they are not real, they are worked on in a studio with makeup for hours and hours and when that cant hide their imperfections for the model world, they are air brushed to death.If men want that kind of women they need to go and buy a barbie doll because thats the only place they actually look like that.
Who wants a man that is interested in looks alone like the men in your office sound like.
You have no need to feel inferior, you hold your head up high and you be you, thats the most natural thing in the world, and when you find a man you know he loves you for you. Now thats confidence and security within.Christmas is always a time when people seem to self reflect and a time to make new year promises. Well this year make yours, you tell yourself that you are beautiful and that true beauty comes from within, the most beautiful thing about a women is her honesty ok. Not her looks or what she wears, but her honesty and her trust and her loyalty.Walk tall,head held high, a big smile, and walk with confidence, people will notice you and look at you.It will happen for you one day. I am not sure how old you are but I think you have a while to go yet to be worrying about finding mr right. Just keep beliving in yourself, then others will believe in you also. the only way to predict the future is to create it, and remember, what lies behind you and what lies in front of you is nothing compared to what lies within you. Dont waste time thinking about other peoples dreams, every second spent thinking about theirs takes time away from your own.

Answer 7

To be honest that seems like a typical office environment. I work part time in a similar environment and they're full of "I love myself" girls who dress unprofessionally and only live for male attention. These people shall now be referred to as 'dimwits'

The best way to start to feel comfortable in your skin is to take everyone else out of the equation. You are probably feeling inferior because of the dimwits' ability to get on with people a bit more than you - but what's wrong with not being in the limelight? I love just getting to work, doing my job, and going home - none of that rubbish in between.

Just keep reminding yourself that there are plenty of people in this world who can socialise and get a tart-like reputation - and that's fine - just let them be. You don't want the headaches that result from that kind of irresponsibility anyway.

As for being alone, don't worry about it. It's better to be alone than in a loveless relationship - which there are a lot of, out there. Even though you're feeling down, there's still a lot of things you have that some people would kill for. You have a family that no doubt love you, and you have a job and good education - so many people out there will never experience these things that we sometimes take for granted - myself included.

As for the time of year - tis the season to be jolly - enjoy christmas, eat lots of food, watch lots of TV, and think of some life-changing New Year's resolutions for 2008. Which include ignoring the dimwits.

Answer 8

I still care enough to almost answer all of your millions of questions if thats any comfort :)

Don't say things like "I can't go on" it is worrying. If you put all your problems in perspective I know its not that bad - who cares if you are in a relationship drought, with confusing issues with bloke at work? I am sure in 10 years time you will look back at all this and laugh and cringe.

I think, as I have said before, you let your work rule your life. I know that without a lot of friends constantly around outside of work, it can seem like your social hub, and the be all and end all - but it really isn't. Try try try and look for something a bit more meaningful beyond work than your sister and mum. As soon as this happens I believe all the pressure you put on yourself to "be someone" at work will disappear, you will be more natural, and friendships will be a lot easier.

Cheer up dear, its christmas!

Answer 9

(SORRY FOR CAPS JUST WANT YOU TO NOTICE THIS)
I AM 17 YRS (male btw) OLD AND FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME - OTHER PEOPLE SEEM TO MUSCLE IN AND IT JUST MAKES YOU FEEL INFERIOR BECAUSE THEY CRY OUT FOR ATTENTION A BIT MORE.
DONT WORRY, STAND UP TALL AND BE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF AND ONE TIME, WHEN IT MATTERS , THE PERSON WHO MATTERS WILL NOTICE. IF THE OTHER GUYS ARE PAYING THIS FLIRT TOO MUCH RESPECT THEY ARE NOT WORTH YOU.
IGNORE PEOPLE ON HERE WHO ARE LECTURING YOU - I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL AND IT CAN GET YOU DOWN, KINDA LIKE A VICOUS CIRCLE - MORE OTHER PEOPLE GET HUGS AND SMALL THINGS LIKE THAT LESS LIKELY YOU ARE TO INITIATE IT.
I REALISE IVE NOT GIVEN TOO MUCH PRACTICLE ADVICE BUT IT HELPS TO KNOW YOUR NOT ALONE.
However, as a guy I should add that we are not too sophisticated and if you want to be drop-dead gorgeous in the 21st century it aint that hard. Gym, dye your hair , make up just do all that stuff ! (not saying your not already stunning!)
Actually, come to think of it a lot of it might be the way you come accross - BELIEVE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU WILL BECOME BEAUTIFUL !
good luck !

Answer 10

How can you feel inferior to an office slag Just wait until you see her in a few years she will look like a boxer who has been well battered about the ring!!