Today I found out that my Fiancee has been posting himself as available for a discrete "good time" with several date match sites. Although these were from several months ago & I've confronted him which he apologized & said he was just playing around on computer. He's been very kind & wanting to rebuild our relationship but doesn't want to talk about it with me. How can I get closure if he won't open up. Does it mean he'll do it again? Should I truly give him another chance? I'm so hurt & confused but don't want to be played for a fool again. Because we have children together, I'd like to work it out & help him thru this without setting myself up again. Any suggestions?
2007-12-13 18:50:01 · 30 answers · asked by lovie808 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He screwed up once, shame on him. If he does it again and you let him get away with it, shame on YOU! If you want to try to work it out then do so, but don't let your guard down. If things seem suspicious and you're uncomfortable then it's best to end the relationship, or separate to give yourself some space. Just make sure he knows you are hurt by the dishonesty, and cannot fully trust him. If he loves you and is committed, he'll fight for you. If not, then it's not a good relationship to raise the children in anyway. They need a healthy environment, if you can't provide a healthy example for them as a couple, then do it on your own. Best wishes
2007-12-13 18:57:49 · answer #1 · answered by NinjenWV 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Honey, the kids will always have their father. But you can and do deserve someone you don't have to worry about whether a new disease will be brought in or that he will get someone pg and leave you for them or a million other things.
Think what your staying with him will teach your children about how they should be in relationships when they get older. Don't think they won't find out about that later, they already feel the energy of it now.
Heartbreaking as it is, and I never advise people to leave or stay, each must follow one's own heart, but in the case where kids are concerned, geeze, please think about this carefully.
Get some solid friend support around you and the kids and make a decision for all. I've known too many women in your situation who go through this, and the guy has ALWAYS fooled around again and again and again. Watch the movie Cocoon, not only does the older couple have this very issue, but they were married in real life and had the problem.
In the old days these guys were called philanderers and considered the worst kind of cad.
Do something to perk up your self\esteem. And realize you are a mom and worthy of better than that.
Just don't get married to him.. PLEASE> womanizers are that womanizers. There is a fella out there who will respect you and himself enough not to do to you what this one has already done and done and done.....
2007-12-14 03:01:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
1. Looking at discrete dating sites is much like looking at porn for most men. It is candy, maybe he'd do it or maybe he wouldn't.
2. You have kids, so would you stay if he was?
3. You need to choose the lifestyle you are willing to live, and the roles you will play and approach him openly.
If he is and you would accept an open relationship, that would be a lot different that if he is and you would rather be a single mom and all that that would entail.
If he feels like there is more discussion than 'you should be ashamed of yourself you good for nothing S.O.B.' I suspect he would talk with you about it.
He may be a dog, he may be a good man, I don't know either of you. You need to make your choices for you and your children and live with them.
You have been served notice, from here forward you choose, it'll never be 'that bastard did this or that'
choose to e empowered and go forward or choose to do nothing and........
Good Luck
2007-12-16 07:27:55 · answer #3 · answered by Big Bad Blues Daddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe if your fiance got any replies to his pictures, that he would actually meet up with these people. I don't know him, but I don't think he would.
Does he know that you are very upset about it?
Ask him how he would feel if you posted yourself as available and up for a good time, and if he claims he wouldn't care, do it! See what he says!
He was probably just mucking around, experimenting with things, and it did happen a while ago so I'd let it go for now but if anything suss happens again I would consider having a look at the relationship. My boyfriend gets shitty at me whenever another guy talks to me, but I am the same towards him, I guess it's just the whole jealousy thing that sometimes you just have to let go of. Your fiance didn't actually cheat on you so I suppose he never did anything wrong.
Anyway, good luck with it all.
Have a good one.
2007-12-14 02:58:48 · answer #4 · answered by Vans.offthewall 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Kids or no kids if you have no trust with your mate it is doom for a marriage. I would say he will do this again if he is just brushing it off like it was no big deal then he is a player and well you caught him. I think you are better off leaving him and
get a new life. I bet he would have left you if the tables were turned.
He is not opening up because he thinks he has done nothing wrong maybe you are the one lady that will show him that his actions have consequences and this time he is losing you.
Good Bless and Best Wishes.
Maybe he asked you to marry him because you are blind to his flirting time to wake up and smell the coffee. Time to say adios.
One thing I can tell you in my years of life and marriage is that you do not do this crap unless you are unhappy or your scum.
2007-12-14 11:33:46 · answer #5 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one "plays around" on a dating site, much less several dating sites. It's unfortunate that you already have children with him since he is obviously a jerk. Yes, he'll do it again and he has probably done it in the past. I recommend you see an attorney to protect yourself and your children financially. And break off the engagement.
2007-12-14 02:54:25 · answer #6 · answered by Fall Down Laughing 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Give him the benefit of the doubt. May he just posted himself in those date match sites but are you really sure that he did it? Because you see, I myself post myself in different date match sites but I don't do it. I just post myself there for fun and see if someone will respond.
2007-12-14 04:37:57 · answer #7 · answered by dol 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If someone that you cherish is not ready to be honest with you, you have no business of being with such a lowlife. I would run and run and run.The children will be grateful to you several years down the line that you stuck up for them and did not put them through emotional torture from an unstable relationship.
2007-12-14 03:03:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well honestly...I think ur just drivin urself crazy! He knows that you know , now all you can do is move on. Now you have to make ur own line...what wont u deal with anymore....make a line that if he crosses it...u will be true to urself and put a plan in motion. And ith him sayin..he was joking...what is funny about that I dont think its funny at all to play with trust. Anyways, u will not be happy if ur always worried about him cheating...make that line..if he crosses it ..BE DONE! You deserve to be treated like noone else matters but ur family. Good luck
2007-12-14 09:30:01 · answer #9 · answered by so alone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's fair enough to give him another chance, but he has to know that the level of trust is not the same, and you may not be forgiving if it happens again.
Once burned, twice careful.
I see another comment, D-U-M-P, and I believe many would do just that. It's up to you whether you want to make a continued attempt.
2007-12-14 03:40:28 · answer #10 · answered by rkeech 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋