Am I the one who's wrong here?

Question

My husband is always angry with me because when he buys me things for Christmas or birthday, I never like it. If I dont tell him what to buy me, he always gets me something horrible. He has awful taste. When I do tell him what I want he always buys the wrong thing because he doesnt pay attention or wont actually think about it. This has been this way for years, the last 3 years I started making detailed lists like with the extact name of product, the store, the exact size (volume or measurement) and then the price. When I can I even include pictures, but still he always manages to buy the wrong thing somehow and then gets mad at me when I dont want it. He said he is never buying me anything ever again, he will just give me money for Christmas, birthday, anniversary etc from now on. But I wouldnt use it, I never buy things for myself except for basic nessisary items. So do I have a right to be mad about this? Should I just give up and just start saying "I dont want anything?"

Answer 1

I went through the same thing and it hurt my feeling for a long time because I felt i tried very hard to get him what he would want for Christmas and he would wait until Dec. 23 or 24 th and just grab anything "on sale". I felt he didn't care about me enough to be bothered with making my Christmas special too ! its not a nice feeling to open presents on Christmas and find ..things that don't fit, or just junk that no-one will ever use , etc. and feel as if they just grabbed ANYTHING off the shelve to wrap up and give you, who cares whether you like it or not ! After years of hurt feelings I started just buying my presents myself, saying they were from him and he just buys me one thing that he picks out to surprise me with. Works well and we've been married 29 years.

Answer 2

Isn't it sad that you are unhappy over 'THINGS" Don't you realize that it really doesn't matter what he buys you, it is the time and effort he puts in to getting it for you.

Don't make lists, don't say anything. It is so much better, even if he buys something you don't like,. if he takes the time and effort to buy you something./

Things do not make for a good marriage, kindness towards each other, understanding, communication. love is what is important. If you are concerned about material stuff, that can always be lost. Look at the fires in Los Angeles where people lost all their THINGS. What was important to them all was that their family was safe.

No, you do not have the right to be mad .about "this". You do have the choice, but if I were you I would start making choices in the opposite direction. If you don't change your thinking you could end up on your own. Also if you re-married and still had the same attitude, you could end up in the same position.

Things are things, they fade and go away. People are important, love each other and be kind to one another THAT is what will make for a happy marriage.

Answer 3

I think I should first say, I often find yourself in the position of your husband. I tend to buy presents for my fiancee or other people that they don't seem to terribly like. So, perhaps my line of thinking is similar to that of your husband's.

Often, the case is that someone tells you exactly what they want. If you buy that for that person, there's really no surprise. Since you're married, I'm assuming you're sharing a joint account, correct? So, why should he buy you exactly what you want--you could easily buy it yourself. In my case, I listen for subtle clues as to what might be something my fiancee wants that she might not even know she wants, and then I get that. Sometimes it terribly misses, but sometimes I'm amazingly on the money and her present is an astounding surprise that she loves.

I can't be certain that this is the case with your husband, but it may be. I wonder if you've sat down and talked with him as to why he never gets you anything you want; the results may be interesting.

Also, I would tend to agree with a previous poster that such a detailed list would be insulting. Like I said earlier, why don't you just buy it out of your joint account? I don't think that money is a reasonable offer, though; he should be more receptive. It may be the case that, when he goes to shop for gifts, he sees something similar he finds really neat, and thinks that it might surprise you. Just a guess, though.

Answer 4

I know if I gave my hubby a detailed list of demands he'd not touch it. He'd be insulted and probably react the way your hubby is. It's taken me years to even get hubby to shop for me himself. I'd never tell him I didn't like something. I would just smile and tell him how wonderful it is. Then quietly exchange it for the right one. They rarely pay that close of attention anyways. I also know if I'm buying someone something I ask and try to get an idea for the types of things they like but if they gave me a detailed list I would think that just slightly rude and could also seem greedy if the requests for higher priced then what I intended on spending. My MIL just very clearly advised me she didn't like what I got her last Christmas and informed me of what I was to buy her this year. I was so hurt and upset I told hubby he'd better shop for her because I refuse to anymore.
You have two options, accept what he gives you with a smile and appreciation or accept the money and buy for yourself. If you don't use the money to get what you really want then that disappointment is on you. Best of luck!

Answer 5

No, you don't have a right to be mad about it. The man is making an effort and all you're doing is complaining. If anyone has a right to be upset/frustrated, it's HIM.

So here are your 3 options:

--Take the money and spend it on yourself.

--Let him buy the gifts, thank him (sincerely!) for his time/effort/thought and then *take it back to the store and exchange it* for something you do want/like.

--Agree not to buy each other any more gifts at all.

Answer 6

Well, it always seemed to me that couples should only buy what they really needed.

This whole act of being forced to buy some magnificent present for birthdays or christmas is a crock of shite.

I would say that hubby is trying to get you something as a surprise, one of the expected elements and as you say, well not exactly, his taste isn't yours.

Instead of stressing out over something that only serves to divide you, why not just buy a joint present for yourselves, or go to a concert, or even just save the money for when you do need it.

Answer 7

Unfortunately this is the kind of thing you might have to let go of. He isn't getting you what you want and your both not happy about it. Some people just aren't into gift giving. Try asking him to just give you a meaningful card for the occasion and maybe slip some cash in it for you go out and get something nice for yourself.

Answer 8

I think that you been a bit unreasonable,some women would give anything to have husband that is considerate enough to buy you gifts and surprises,he will definitely get frustrated because he is trying so hard and you just not appreciating it.One day he will never think of doing anything nice for you again and then you going to complain again.Please be grateful for what you have.

Answer 9

Go to the Store if it cloth pick out what you want and put it on lay-way. gave him the paper so he can go to the store and pick out what he wants to gave you from the things you put on lay-way. Sign up for one of the gift list in most store have them now. So he can go to the store and they might help him. Never give up. He is trying and he should get somthing for that.

Answer 10

No offense, honey, but your question is a prime example of what is WRONG about what the holidays have become. Take the present, and thank him for thinking of you.