How can I get my daughter to stop swearing?

Question

My daughter is 17 and every other word is profane. She uses profanity to emphasis the importance of whatever she is saying. The 'F' work and 'C' word are common place. It drives my husband nuts because he feels it is disrespectful. This has been going on for years but in the last few months she has tripled it's use. I am tired of hearing my name (or anyones name) followed by "fu--ing b--ch!" or "C---t"

She has no computer privileges and she has no favors from me (rides, money, cleaning). My next 'tool' is to ban her from eating dinner with us unless the swearing stops completely (I cook dinner every night and we always sit down) Any constructive ideas would be great.

Answer 1

Ive found that embarrassment worked best with my son now 19. When they are around friends and swearing like a sailor I would say something like ... HEY NICK I FOUND THAT NEW BACKSTREET BOYS POSTER YOU WANTED or IF YOU STOP CUSSING SO MUCH I WONT SHOW YOUR FRIENDS YOUR BARBIE COLLECTION ,,, stuff like that ... Whatever gets her goat... in front of friends , they hate that and I broke my son of it in about two weeks (AT LEAST IN ME AND MY WIFE'S PRESENTS)

Answer 2

Swearing Imposes a Personal Penalty
It gives a bad impression
It makes you unpleasant to be with
It endangers your relationships
It's a tool for whiners and complainers
It reduces respect people have for you
It shows you don't have control
It's a sign of a bad attitude
It discloses a lack of character
It's immature
It reflects ignorance
It sets a bad example

Swearing is Bad for Society
It contributes to the decline of civility
It represents the dumbing down of America
It offends more people than you think
It makes others uncomfortable
It is disrespectful of others
It turns discussions into arguments
It can be a sign of hostility
It can lead to violence

Swearing corrupts the English language
It's abrasive, lazy language
It doesn't communicate clearly
It neglects more meaningful words
It lacks imagination
It has lost its effectiveness

1. Recognize that swearing does damage.
You probably swear because it is easy, fun, candid, emphatic, expressive, breaks rules, and somehow partially reduces anger and pain. But the negatives outweigh the positives. You really don't win an argument by swearing. You don't prove that you are smart or articulate. You don't earn respect or admiration. You don't motivate, you intimidate. Swearing doesn't get you hired, promoted, or romantically connected.

2. Start by eliminating casual swearing.
Pretend that your sweet little grandmother or your young daughter is always next to you. Use inflections for emphasis instead of offensive adjectives. Be more descriptive instead of using the "s" word to describe everything from objects, work and the weather to the way you feel, the way someone looks, and the way something smells.



3. Think positively.
Look to the bright side. Develop a "can do" attitude. Worry only to the point that motivates you to prepare for the problem, then hope for the best. A positive mental attitude not only eliminates lots of swearing, it brings you contentment and brightens your personality.

4. Practice being patient.
When you are stuck in line or in traffic, ask yourself if a few more minutes matters. Be honest -- does it really matter? If so, and you have no control of the situation, plan the rest of your day or do the thinking that you say you never have time to do. Talk to someone, even a stranger in line with you.

5. Cope, don't cuss.
We live in an imperfect world, yet our expectations continually increase. Each day can be filled with aggravations, delays, disappointments and frustrations. The fact is, we have to deal with them anyway. So stop cussing and learn to cope. Consider even the smallest annoyance a challenge, and feel proud of yourself for taking care of it cheerfully and efficiently.

6. Stop complaining.
Before you start griping or whining about something, remind yourself of a very important reality: no one wants to hear it! Why would they? Avoid complaining about matters that you and the people with you have no control over. For all other complaints, try to offer a rational solution. Others will admire your common sense, wisdom and calm approach to the problem.


7. Use alternative words.
English is a colorful language, but chronic cursers repeatedly use the same, unimaginative words that have been around for centuries. Take the time to develop your own list of alternatives to the nasty words you now use, relying on your own intelligence, a thesaurus, good books, and even some of the more clever TV shows. Select a few powerful or even funny words, and get in the habit of substituting them for swear words. For example, instead of B.S., choices range from lie, fabrication, nonsense and exaggeration to bunk, baloney, drivel, malarkey, hokum, hogwash and balderdash. They might not give you satisfaction at first, but they will eventually.

8. Make your point politely.
Some substitute words can be just as offensive if your tone is abrasive or you insult someone. Think of the response to what you are about to say, and decide if you need to reword your statement to be more effective. For example, if someone suggests that you are doing something incorrectly, your response can range from "Who gives a flying f___?" to "I don't care," to "It really doesn't matter," or "I think my way is faster." The first reply is defensive, defiant, belligerent, and reflects a terrible attitude. The last reply is a justification that the other person might appreciate. Take the time to make your point in a mature and convincing manner.

9. Think of what you should have said.
It is easy to blurt out a swear word at an inappropriate time, or to bark out a tactless or tasteless remark before you have a chance to consider the impact. Think of what you could have said. After you shout an expletive, simply say the tamer word you wished you had said. If you make a statement that you later realize was negative, confrontational or rude, think of how you could have phrased the statement. Over time, these exercises will train you to think and act differently.

10. Work at it.
Breaking the swearing habit might prove to be no easier that losing weight, giving up cigarettes, or correcting any other habit. It takes practice, support from others, and a true desire to be a better person -- not only by controlling your language, but the emotions that prompt you to swear. Here are a few exercises to condition yourself:
• Think in clean language, and switch negative thoughts into positive solutions.
• When you are on your way to a situation you know will test your temper and your tongue, plan ahead what you will say and how you will say it.
• Tell your family or friends what you are doing, and you will be more cautious around them.
• Determine when and why you swear the most, and develop your own tricks for changing your behavior.

Answer 3

Why not try and put chilies in her mouth,every time she swears then put chilies in her mouth,believe me it works.If you cant get it wright then when it is supper time then add a whole lot of chilies to her food,you will tell her that if she swears in front of you or you hear her swearing during the day at all then she will eat eat a plate filled with chilies.That way if she swears she wont have a proper meal,she will get hungry and eventually give up on the idea of swearing.When she does show her that you did it because you want her to be a better person and that swearing is not good for ladies.

Answer 4

It sounds as if she is getting worse, because something else is going on in her head. What is it? Has she friends who speak the same way? I would think so, because she could only get friends who spoke the same way she does. There is an underlying cause why she was brought up one way and has taken on the use of such language.

Are you sure that there isn't a medical reason for this?

I would firstly take her to the Doctor and find out if there is an instability somewhere, concerning her emotions.

Then I would find a therapist who would talk to her and find out what the underlying causes are for her choice of words.

The harder you come down on her, the worse it is going to get. You have to find another way, and I suggest a therapist of some kind.

Answer 5

She is acting out. She thinks that she is being abused. She thinks that she can continue this behavior.

You have ONE YEAR to teach her what she needs to know to get along in the world. You might start with telling her that she will be required to get out of your house when she is 18 and has graduated.

You are the only one that can draw the boundaries and enforce the rules. You have to be the parent, which means you must use every method at your disposal to instill the values in your children that will help them to be successful in life. They cannot navigate our society without morals, ethics, responsibility and respect.

If that means instilling respect by means of a well aimed slap on the face or a doubled-up belt across their behinds, then so be it. Try to keep in mind this phrase: "what would have gotten through to me at this age?"

You have already tried to taking away prized possessions (computer, I-pod, video game), and privileges, to no avail. I would suggest treating her like the brat she is... she isn't too big to spank and banish to her room (sans TV, stereo and phone).

You provide for all of her needs, so while she is under your roof, she must obey your rules. She must go to school, keep her grades up, do her homework, pick up after herself, and do whatever chores you ask of her. If she will not comply, the door is that-a-way. You have to handle these insurrections hard and fast.

Answer 6

Swearing can sometimes be a habit, but people can also decide when and when not to swear. There is really no way to stop your daughter from cursing. It's really just a choice she will have to make on her own. I curse and swear all the time, my parents don't mind, not that it makes it right for me to swear. But what makes it wrong? If you feel disrespected from my cursing it's not my fault. Perhaps, you as a parent should ease up a bit and stop trying to control every aspect of a child's life. If you give a child no space, then what space do they have to think about what they are doing? As for me, the more you tell me not to do something, the more I will do it. I am stubborn, like many teenagers these days. You may have also given her too much freedom, but this is NOT something you can control, nor something you should control. It's your house, but it's her mouth. She can say whatever she wants just as you can kick her out as you want. It's up to her and not you.

Answer 7

Oh, wow - no computer privileges. Big deal. How about no phone, no cell phone, no Ipod, no music, no going out, no car, etc... Just keep piling on the punishments until she stops.

You can force her to take the bus or walk to school - she doesn't HAVE to use a car or be picked up by a friend unless you allow it.

Answer 8

Mrs WC here.

Sounds like you already know what to do next. Unless she can stop swearing, stop her from being an active member of the family. My daughter is 33 and gets very flustered if she swears in front of me. (not that she swears a lot) I'm 53 and don't swear in front of my dad. (not that I swear a lot either) I know he doesn't like it so I respect him for it.

I tell people that it makes them seem less educated to swear a lot. Like they don't have a big enough vocabulary to express themselves without swear words. If she continues, suggest to her that maybe she'd like to go to a boot camp or something until she learns to control her mouth.

Answer 9

My dad doesn't care, I call him names, and called him Ba stard, a ss, etc, and he doesn't care. My mom on the other hand doesn't care either only because all I ever call her is bi tch, and its mostly in a joking manner. As long as I don't say c unt, f uck, and certain words like that she lets me, and I'm not allowed to say them in public, but in private she doesn't mind. Even when shes not around I rarely cuss in public only because I think it makes people sound trashy.

Answer 10

Im not sure but I swore when I was younger but always had the respct not to do it around adults. If she isnt a problem child ask her to treat your house like school.