My daughter is 18. Her mother and I split up when she was like two and a half and I haven't had any contact since. I had to sign custody rights over allowing my ex's husband to adopt her because I was not in the position to be any kind of father at the time and he was. Now I've managed to get in touch with my ex and I'm trying to get in touch with my daugher just to let her know my side and try to form some sort of relationship with her. Now, I'm scared . What if she doesn't want to talk to me at all? What if I never get the chance to speak to her ever? Granted I'll have the answer to my question but what then? I can't see just giving up if she refuses but what??
2007-12-13 16:36:44 · 9 answers · asked by Mikey D 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I definently think its great that you are trying to contact her. But try to put her feelings before your own. She might refuse to talk to you at first. Its hard finding out after all those years that your father wants to be involved. Give it time and if she turns you down the first try, keep trying. Don't give up. This situation is about her not you or her mother. So make sure she is comfortable with it first.
2007-12-13 17:22:10 · answer #1 · answered by rykey86 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. It is EASY to find someone if you know her name and birthdate. VERY cheap and easy - even if she gets married.
2. Have you checked Myspace.com and searched for girls aged 18 in the zip code where she lives??? You can probably connect to her through myspace
3. Don't be scared. The worst thing that can happen is that your ex has filled your daughter's head with lies about how terrible you were....BUT, most kids when they grow up realize this is just a bunch of BS and will want to meet their biological parents anyways. At least to find out for themselves the truth.
2007-12-14 02:09:42 · answer #2 · answered by Dina K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all you can do is hope for the best. She is 18 and can make up her own mind about meeting you. But you have to let her make that choice. Dont push your self on her is she doesnt want to see you. It will be hard for her Im sure. She may even resent you and feel like you never loved her. But who knows maybe she may want to meet with you and if she does you have to be prepared to answer alot of questions. Good Luck and God Bless
2007-12-14 00:47:48 · answer #3 · answered by Baby boy blue 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
With no more info........leave her alone.
If you are clean and sober ask a clergy person or a social worker.....someone to initiate contact.
after 16 years and you haven't been anywhere why now?
The little girl is a Lady now and does not need more complications than life gives her. Choices have consequences and you are feeling the result.
If you are clean have someone of respect approach her to see if she wants to meet her Dad....if so GREAT if not...
live with your life choices and if you can send her a buck or two through a third party to help with her education...do it.
2007-12-14 01:05:50 · answer #4 · answered by tagway 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this sounds like my life. my dad and mom split when i was a baby, my step dad adopted me. my mom was so mad at my dad that she said he was dead and then one day my dad called up on the phone and i found out he wasnt. im hoping that hasnt happened with your daughter, but it was happened to me. i know i was very scared to talk to my dad, where was he what happened why did he not want me and so many more questions, but as time went by i went from calling him by his first name to calling him dad and even moving 3 states away to live near him with my new family. im not saying this is how she is going to be but I know it is how i handled it and hopefully you get the same result. all i can say is dont be pushy on call me dad if she does get to know you, let things fall into place, dont try and buy her love, these are things my dad did that did push us away at first. i wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out. my best advice, just take things one step at a time, and if she dont want to see you just yet, give it a little while and try again, dont give up, one day she will see it for what it is and know that you love her and want to be your daughter.
2007-12-14 00:52:52 · answer #5 · answered by ladidadida 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no good answer--I can clearly see both sides, so I would say to follow your heart. Good luck. (A little advice though, don't make this into her (ex's) side and your side, or you'll turn her off. She was loved and raised by these two people, and her loyalty will force her to turn you away. Make it totally about you and her (your daughter).
2007-12-14 00:46:15 · answer #6 · answered by Cheryl P 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sure that she will talk to you. You have to try or this will drive you crazy. Don't think the worst until it happens. Think positive and see what you can do about seeing her. Good luck.
2007-12-14 00:43:46 · answer #7 · answered by kim h 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if you wish to win lotto you must play
if you wish to get a chance to get back you must contact her
let her make the choice and show that you do love her
it still her choice It take time do digest after a long time
at lease make contact
2007-12-14 01:04:37 · answer #8 · answered by Keak T 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She'll want a relationship with you if not long enough to get closure.
2007-12-14 00:42:47 · answer #9 · answered by Time To Go 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋