Should I write to my child's father or let it go?

Question

My child's father has been playing cat-and-mouse games with my daughter for 11yrs. He paid child support last month. The reason why he did this was to "buy time" until the next court. The most he's ever paid in support is $300.00. He promised to pay this month but every time I call him to discuss arrangements he doesn't answer his phone. I have been wanting to tell him how this has effected myself and my daughter. I want to get closure but I don't want to seem desperate. We are both represented by private attorneys but when my lawyer send his lawyer letters regarding my case, my child's father response is that his lawyer has a lot of personal problems going on. I'm sick of the games. I want to give up on this situation. I don't want to go on another year with the issue at hand. Does guys especially dead-beat dads get effected when they receive letters expressing how they should be grownups and not babies work? I need help. What should I do? Any sound advice would help. Thanks.

Answer 1

how old is your daughter, 11 or more? it might be time to sit down and talk with her. ask her how she feels about her dad. does she enjoy seeing him, spending time with him, etc. let her help you to make this decision because it is affecting her life. no matter what tho, do not be negative about her dad because you don't want to influence her decision. children can be very wise, wiser than we give them credit for.

depending upon her answer and your financial stability, it might just be time to let him go...

good luck

Answer 2

Writing a personal letter probably won't work, he's a jerk. However, on your child's behalf, I would pursue this by all legal means necessary as hard as you possibly can. Play hardball. Don't take excuses. Tell your lawyer to be a shark or you will find a shark. Do NOT give up. Make the bastard pay for his childishness.

Also, to get someone to answer his phone, here's a trick: get a calling card and use that to call. That way, a weird out-of-area phone number will show up on his caller id, so if he's just avoiding your calls, it still shows up. However, he may not be answering any calls.

Is there anyone else you can bring in on this? His parents? His best friend? Could anyone shame him into doing it? Check with your lawyer first, but, really, use all legal means. Your kid deserves the money.

Answer 3

Stick with the Courts, hold your ground, when he doesn't pay go to the Court and request an upward modification or another hearing to further enforce the order which is in place. Your writing a letter, to a deadbeat, is just that, your writing a letter to a deadbeat, save your energy, stamp and time, do your dealing through the Courts. God Bless.

Answer 4

DON'T GIVE UP!!!! I had to to the same thing with my son's dad and he even went as far as to threaten me and my son. The paperwork was delivered to him and at the same time he was put in jail for death threats against us in front of police. In the end he had to pay me and never got to see his son again because of the threats.In Arizona the police are going after dead beat parents and they are getting jail time for not paying. When he does pay you make sure that it is threw the courts and then they will make him pay it because they will take out of his paychecks!!! The systems works but it takes time!!! Don't let him play the games. your lawyer should be on top of it or get a new one that will!!! Be aggressive in the courts that's the only way to get them to stand up and take you seriously!!!

Answer 5

if he has an attorney then you should not contact him directly in regards to child support. you should open a child support case with your district attorney's office and let them do a wage assingment where they take the money directly from his paycheck. it really does sound much simpler than it is though. i spent 16 years working with them before i finally saw any money. i'd get 100 here or there but usually everytime they found an employer for him and took money from his check, he'd quit his job and it would take another year to track him down again. good luck!!!

Answer 6

If he is not man enough to support his child voluntarily then a letter is useless. Parenting in simple... You have children you pay for them. If your child has went this long without having the deadbeat in his/her life then move on. Obviously if he is not paying child support you have been supporting this child on your own, continue to do so. This is your baby and when the child is old enough to understand, he/she will know that you did all you could and that you love him/her. In the end that is all that matters.

Answer 7

I'm going threw this with my ex. for allmost 4 years he had nothing to do with the twins. he would give a few dollars here and there when i asked and we had a agreement that if he helped with the doctor bills and bought some clothes for them, let them be dollar store clothes or hand me downs I don't care i wouldn;t press for support. Then last year rite before our twins turned 5 he popped back up wanting to be this super dad, took teh twins a few times because his family wanted to see them then dropped out again. my kids started asking where their other dad was (my husband took them as his own and they see him as dad but knows they have two dads) and i had to tell them that he was around but he works allot so thats why he hasn;t seen them in a while.
then to top the cake he has the balls to tell me he doesnt have the money to spend on "these kids" because he allready has one he's paying for and another one on the way. WHAT?? I told him many times he needs no money to be a dad to his kids, he just needs to spend time with them and know them. he lives allmost a hour away and I have offered many time to drive them to his house for the weekend or durring their vacation off of school and its allways something as to why he can't see them. I'm not trying to dump the kids off, they are wanting to see him.
Well I got tired of his sh*# so I filled for support. Some times its best to leave it alone when you have done all you feel you can to try to get the dad involved in their kids life.
it is NOT fair to the child at all. Just never talk bad about him infront of her though. and try to have her understand that she did nothing wrong to make her dad stay away if she ever asks. it is never the childs fault, just the parent is not ready or willing to be a active parent.
i am so sorry you are going threw this.

Answer 8

No letter is going to help this deadbeat. For your own psychological health, you might journal all your angry and hurt feelings into a letter to him, and you might symbolically send it to him by burning it and letting it go up in smoke. But don't get involved emotionally with a letter. He clearly doesn't care.

If you live in the United States, in whatever state you live should be an office of support enforcement, which you can find through the Department of Social and Health services in your county. The office of support enforcement, or whatever it is called in your state, is in place to collect support payments. They tend to take their jobs seriously. I suggest you contact them immediately.

Best wishes, and blessings to you and your daughter.

Answer 9

Let it go!!!! Please I'm speaking from experience. Don't stress your self out over a dead beat. The fact of the matter is, you can not make him love his child. You can try to be nice and be friends with you child's father but it will not work. It hurt to be around a man that don't care for your child as much as yourself. It will make you bitter, and he will see your weakness and try to use it against you to hurt you through it. If he haven't showed your chid that he love her; Than I will let it go because its not even about the child support it about him loving and caring for his child. You as a parent have to protect your children from people who will try to hurt them. I will be real with my daughter and tell her the reason why her father isn't around if, she don't already know by now, and let her decide how she want to handle it because at the same time you dont want to make it seem like you are trying to keep her from having a relationship with him, but I must say you dont want you child to get hurt by some dead beat that never cared from the beginning!

Answer 10

If you have a court order for child support you should have no problem getting his paycheck garnished, having his
drivers license taken away, having his income tax check
garnished, or having him go to jail.
Deal with him only through court and lawyers - don't play games with him.