While I was out of town, my husband went to his parents for dinner. We see them all the time (uhg). Since I was gone, his mom and sister started questioning him on all our recent personal decisions in our lives. They grilled the poor man.
We have had a rough year, but we have a plan, we have faith, and I know things are getting better. Maybe to outsiders it seems that we haven't made progress, but this is about us.
My mother in law says that when we are unhappy, it affects the entire family. **What do you say to that? It is not her business.
Supposedly "I" am the one causing my husband to be unhappy? By the way, we have a great marriage and we make decisions together, my husband just doesnt talk a lot to them. I have tried telling them things, and THEY JUST DON'T LISTEN!!!
I am really hurt be many things they said. I am back in town now. *Do I bring this up to them? *Or just stay quiet the next time I see them so they feel guilty?
2007-12-13 15:19:00 · 13 answers · asked by lefttheroom222 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This is about boundaries.
Your MIL is attempting to control your husband and marriage from without. If you two allow her, she will indeed end your marriage.
Your husband needs to get a lot slicker about not allowing himself to be grilled by his domineering mother. She is using emotional blackmail on him. When she starts in, he needs to be "late for an appointment". He should not be giving her any kind of personal information.
Use the answering machine to screen calls and do what you must to keep her at a respectable distance. Move to another town if need be.
2007-12-13 17:12:30 · answer #1 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not bring it up because it wasn't said to you, only about you. But I am terrible at this sort of thing. I am serious if they are saying things to him like that you are the one making him unhappy they are clearly trying to split you up. You two need to talk about this it could definitely destroy your marriage. I am so sorry that your inlaws are like that and hope that it won't affect your marriage too bad. Why not see if you can move far away. oh yeah i totally agree with the posts that say your husband should say something..this is his deal because it is his parents and it was said to him, sometimes it is hard for a son to say things to his mother, anytime mine defends me his dad says he is disrespectful to his mother, but it's not that trust me it could be worse my almost mil has told me things such as my fiance doesn't love me when i was 6 months pregnant, also for the first 7 months of my pregnancy anytime Isaid anything about babystuff she would say let's just not talk about it i think you're going to miscarry and stuff like that. When we called her to tell her it's a girl we had her on speaker so that we both could hear reactions (we did this for everyone) she said oh come over but come alone I don't want her hear. Other things too, she has been very discouraging about my weight loss, making very rude comments and she is embarrassing in public, racist (makes racist statements in public), insane (she told me the other day if i didn't pull over in the middle of no where and let her walk i'd be sorry and she'd call the cops and lie and tell them I hit her, and actually tried to jump from the vehicle while it was moving) Everyone else in the family is fairly normal (although I don't know how with a mother like that (I'm about to lose it myself)
Good Luck and try to avoid them that's what I wish I could do.
2007-12-13 15:41:57 · answer #2 · answered by littlemisscontroverse 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just let it go and know that maybe from now on you cannot trust them with your private and personal information. Keep that for your closest friends and your husband. Now you know your limitations with his family and move on from there. I wouldn't say a word. It's not necessary. He's a big boy and I'm sure he handled himself appropriately. No need for you to defend yourself. You and your husband are true to yourselves, your lives, your marriage and your faith, and if you have children, them too. No one and nothing else matters.
You go girl. Don't sweat the small stuff. Remember. Sticks and stones?
2007-12-13 15:44:27 · answer #3 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she had no business questioning your husband and giving him the third degree, i just think he should have told her that these things were between the 2 of you and that you guys were working them out between yourselves and needed privacy to do so and if she said that you were the cause of your husbands unhappiness than he should have corrected her and told her that your are his wife and if she can't respect you than he should have walked out your man needs to get a backbone and stand up for his wife, and the only person responsible for someones happiness is that person as the only person that controls your happiness is you,
2007-12-13 15:34:55 · answer #4 · answered by Dale T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as your husband defends you, loves you and stands by both your decisions for your marriage - the in laws can go suck on a door knob. It isn't their business and its none of their business how you and your husband decide for your marriage and issues that affects it. UNLESS they are the ones who feed you, clothe you, house you - they have no business doing a guilt-trip on him. I would suggest not showing up for future "family" gatherings with them without your husband in tow and vise versa. It affects him, it will affect you.
2007-12-13 15:24:59 · answer #5 · answered by Equinox 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Roissey
2016-09-26 19:59:49 · answer #6 · answered by Averell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This will ruin your marriage if you let it. Your husband needs to grow a backbone and tell them to bug off.
2007-12-13 15:24:37 · answer #7 · answered by Dave G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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