How can I tell them that what they are doing is wrong?

Question

My brothers are very stubborn and consistently make very bad decisions. Earlier this week they snuck out of the house at 1:00 to go to a party hosted by some high school dropout friends of theirs. There was drinking but they said they didn't do anything. Then they walked over to a gas station nearby at 2:30. There had been a shooting right before then in the area. My parents finally got there (I was at college at the time) and picked them up.

My brothers refuse to think things through. They are fascinated by drug culture and one of them strongly considered doing something really strong (I don't remember what). They don't listen to me (older brother) or their parents or their grandmother (who they love and respect). The only people they listen to are their stupid friends, who are getting them into this stuff. In fact, they have the nerve to be MAD at my parents, who only took away phone priveleges and the right to take walks (they were too relieved to be mad). What can we do???

Answer 1

Your parents need to put their foot down and ground them. Take away everything from them. Don't give them money. Tell them that if they do anything illegal, you will be forced to call the cops on them. Tell them they are no longer allowed to hang out with those people. Send them to rehab. Send them away. Do something to straighten them out.

Answer 2

Your parents are the only ones who can make the rules and enforce them. Your parents provide for all of their needs and they need to follow the rules.
If they won't obey the rules, your parents need to use whatever means available to them to get the correct knowledge across to your brothers... if that means grounding them, taking away their prized posessions (game system, I-pods, phones, stereo, whatever), or SPANKING them, then so be it.
If that still doesn't work, the door is that-a-way. Sometimes it takes getting kicked out of the house a couple of times before they start understanding things.

About all you can do is either inform to the parents when your brothers are doing something stupid, or talk to your brothers about being stupid.

Answer 3

Sometimes, as hard as it may be, you just have to let them go and let them learn the hard way. For some people, that is the only way of going about it. Of course they are gonna be mad at your parents. Thats the cool thing to do and that is what all their friends are doing. Unless your parents crack the whip down real hard instead of just taking away phone and walking priveledges, they should do more. I hate to say it, but if they are sneaking out when they are not punished, then they are probably sneaking out while they are. All I can say is let them go and pray that nothing real bad happens. Maybe what they need is to get caught and spend a night in jail! Good Luck.

Answer 4

There is nothing you can do. This is your parents' job. They should not pick up your brothers at 2:30 am. That only teaches your brothers that they can do whatever they want, and mom and dad will bail them out of trouble. Tough as it is, your parents have to let them take some consequences. Your brothers will only shape up when they have seriously negative consequences and don't like it. Or, when they get some sense. Whichever comes first.

Answer 5

well i can speak from experience with this one... i have an older brother that is constantly trying to tell me what to do because he's 11 years older and thinks he's my 3rd parent or something and I gotta be honest, it makes me angry and makes me want to do it more... (let it be known that I'm a good kid... I'm a soph in college and never got drunk, never even tried drugs or put a single cigarette to my lips).... but if my brother were to sit me down calmly and speak from the heart and be sincere with me and say that he really cares about me and that's the reason he tells me what to do, I'd be more willing to listen.... I am a girl and boys do tend to be more stubborn so I'm not sure if the sensitive-teary-eyed approach would work, it depends on the kind of people they are.... you could always scare them straight... like that show... show them that their actions have consequences cuz talking about it doesn't always help....

Answer 6

Sit your brothers down and tell them how much their behavior is hurting your family and that you love them and worry about them. If they continue to chose this path, there is nothing you can really do. Sometimes, you have to let your loved ones learn from their own mistakes. No amount of begging, pleading, yelling or lectures will change them. My BIL died at age 40, after he was struck by a car while crossing the street while high and drunk ( he walked right in front of a truck but was too wasted to see it). I honestly think that this tragedy could have been avoided if his family had not bailed him out everytime he got himself into trouble because of drugs and alcohol. I am not saying to abandon them, by all means never do that, but if they find themselves in trouble with the law because of their actions, let them face the concequences. Perhaps one stint in jail will scare them strait, perhaps not. Let them know that although you do not approve of their actions, you still love them.

Answer 7

There are just some people destined to learn the hard way. Your brothers are that type. All you can do is what you have done. Pray for them they are going to need it. Do not let them take you down with them.

Answer 8

Sometimes people have to find out the hard way. Also the harder you or your parents try to get them to see, the more they are going to resist and rebel. . They will find out hopefully sooner than later that the thugs they are running with arent good choices and can hurt them. Just be there for them when they need a good person to help them.

Answer 9

spank them... my brother took my younger brother and shoved him gently up against a wall and hit him about 4 times not too hard, but enough to let him know that he meant business that he did not like him sniffing glue, so he quit

Answer 10

Quit being a narc and loosen up. Your brothers sound cool.