I just recently got engaged........... Since you are now married, what advice do you have for a newly engaged person like me. What red flags should I take note of before i walk down that aisle.....
2007-12-13 14:42:24 · 38 answers · asked by kiki 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
dont try to change your partner. give him room to grow and let him do the things that mean most to him, stay away from in-laws,
2007-12-13 14:45:41 · answer #1 · answered by rishe 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I guess that depends on what you mean by red flags. At first I thought you were asking what snags to avoid in planning the wedding but then after rereading it I think you are asking what behaviour should send you running. If that's the case, watch how controlling and/or involved the other person is in planning the wedding; if they want to make all of the decisions or if they take little interest, realize that this is the way it will be for all major events. If your question was meant to ask advice for wedding planning there is one thing that you must do. Write down the 3 or 5 or however many things that are most important to you. Be willing to be flexible and compromise on all other decisions but make it clear right from the start that there are x number of things that you consider mandatory. This is for you just as much as it is for the families because when decisions start getting made and the mothers start insisting on this or that you need to remind yourself that although it may be irritating, it won't be the end of the world if you have blue napkins instead of yellow, as long as ...fill in your top 5 list here.
2007-12-13 14:57:34 · answer #2 · answered by Denise B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost ask yourself are you ready for marriage.
once the deed is done, there will be changes towards each other.
Have a long engagement to get used to the idea of living out of each others pocket.
Decide whether you intend to continue working and if he will allow it.
Men most times change once they feel they have you right where they want you. Once upon a time I had a life, now I have lost that independence.
Unfortunately you do loose that" I once had a life syndrome", what happened.
Your life is run by your husband, and you don't realise you have let him do it. Too late you have lost that confidence and you carry on regardless.
However if your an in dependant person who wants to keep the job, than keep the job. It gives you an outlet and one self confidence.
I did and still able to raise three children who are now in there thirty's.
Good luck
2007-12-13 14:51:31 · answer #3 · answered by aotea s 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definately take note of the future in-laws and the relationship your Fiance has with them. It can make or break your future. Don't live too close to them for sure(like n the same town) Be sure you make time with your fiance, don't get so caught up in the wedding plans, that you forget why you are getting married. Spend more time preparing for your marriage, not the wedding! If you are not sure of something, don't go forward. Address the issue immediately. It is harder the closer you get to break things off, if needed.Best of Luck in a wonderful marriage.
2007-12-13 14:51:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice to you guys is to continue to do the things that you did before you got engaged!! Don't let the ring bring you any unnecessary pressures. nothing has changed except you guys are wearing some new pieces of jewelry!
Continue to enjoy each other and live every day as if you just started dating! It helps alot, don't let engagement ruin a good thing. Good luck and congratulations!
2007-12-13 14:49:54 · answer #5 · answered by mousey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've made it this far without any red flags going up, why would all that change now? Already ready to looks for flaws even before you go all the way. Had the situations been reversed, would that send up a red flag??
2007-12-13 15:15:11 · answer #6 · answered by Ash 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are drinking (alcohol) habits comparable to yours?
Are smoking (tobacco) habits acceptable?
Are views on drug use compatible?
Do you both want/don't want kids? Honestly?
Can you live with the bad habits? Ten years from now?
You can't change the other person, so look closely at these things.
The number one issue- is one of you a spender and one a saver? You need balance...2 spenders and 2 savers cannot survive. You need one of each.
Good luck. Been married 22 years...first 10 were happy.
2007-12-13 14:50:22 · answer #7 · answered by cathythecook 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the best marriage advice I ever heard is "marriage is 60% giving and 40% receiving. and that goes for both of you."
basically, you both should be willing always think of the other person's needs and put them before your own, and be willing to make sacrifices for the other person. and if you are both thinking of each other, then you'll be OK.
also, make sure to talk finances ASAP. do either of you have debt? how much? what are your spending styles? what are your goals - do you both want to save up for a house or other long-term goals, or are you they type to spend any money you have? what if one of you loses a job, are you willing to live on a tight budget? how much money can you spend freely, without "checking" with each other (less than $100? less than $500?). money is never a fun topic, but definitely something that needs to be discussed ASAP.
2007-12-14 03:08:20 · answer #8 · answered by not margaret 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i haven't been married very long...its only been a little over 4 months...it'll be 5months on the 21st... but when we went to our engagement encounter there was one thing that really sticked in my head..."A wedding is a day, A marriage is a lifetime"...think about that...and if you are sexually active i totally agree w/ leaving it until the honeymoon for now...that what my husband and i did...right after we got engaged we stopped doing the woohoo if you know what i mean...i always pray at night...even if i'm upset w/ him bc if i do it makes me feel like a hypocrite and be angry at him after we pray...we've done this every single day since our wedding day....make sure both of you see your things as our things and this includes money...try to understand his likes and dislikes...and if you don't like something he's watching make the attempt to watch it...if you don't like it its ok but at least you tried...i always watch the last 15 min of his football games and i actually get into it...but i couldn't do the whole game unless i liked the team...the advice can go on and on...but we learn more each day...i know i have tons to learn but i'm looking foward to learning it w/ my hubby
2007-12-13 16:05:22 · answer #9 · answered by ima gurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Learn to communicate WELL. I don't mean that you learn to talk to each other, but rather how to communicate the difficult thoughts or when you're upset at each other. Really learn to hear the other person. Learn to keep your mouth shut when you're angry - because the satisfaction of saying something hurtful will have impact deeper than you ever imagine.
Also, learn to say thank you and I love you. Learn to respect your partner and support your partner. Be each other's biggest cheerleader and the rock for him/her to lean on during a storm.
Best wishes to you!
2007-12-13 14:51:48 · answer #10 · answered by curious gal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you get married never go to bed angry with each other. Marriage is a learning process. Everyday you learn something different about your partner. Keep your business as your business. (don't let friends or family know your personal business). Just know that the person you said yes to will be the same once you get that license. Everything won't be peaches but know that its a work in progress. Congrats and God bless.
2007-12-13 14:48:18 · answer #11 · answered by gospel_singing_pooh 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋