My grandma died and now my grandpa wants me to stay at their house for the holidays. But I CAN'T. It will be t

Question

in May 2006 this psycho woman my mother met online came from Troy, NY to our house in Maryland one night while my father was out of the house, and they made us pack up, abandon the house and our stuff, and move to Troy, NY all in 1 night. My brother is 23 and has autism, my sister is 20, and I am 21 and in college in Maryland. But none of us can drive. In August 2006 my mother reluctantly agreed to take me back to MD for college, but her friend came along and yelled at, and nearly killed me the entire way while my mother did nothing but look sad. Once in MD all they did was drop me at my father's mother's house and then my mother immediately drove back to Troy, NY. And in June 2007 my mother's mother, to whom I was very close and who was already in very bad shape from worrying about my mother had done, finally died. So my mother, brother, and sister are in Troy, NY, and none of them even came down here for the funeral,

and my mother's father and my 32 year old aunt with her bf are the onlyones living in their house. And my mother, brother, and sister never call over there, and my grandpa even cosigned for my sister to get a loan, but my sister dropped out of college, so now my grandpa has to pay the loan. And whenever I call my grandpa I just think about my grandma because she died, and I never know what to do or say about my mother, brother and sister, and my grandpa wants me to stay with him a few days during the holiday, but I just know I will feel so alone and it is going to be so awkward and I won't know what to do or say because nobody else is here. I just don't know what to do. My sister was on yahoo messenger and I even tried to ask her if she could come back to MD because we really need people here, and my brother wants to come back, but my mother will not let him because they are using his social security check.

and my father does not have a job because he retired in 2001 after 35 years and only gets $700/month, and my grandpa just gets mad whenever we go over there, and I never know what to say because my father really is trying in vain to get a job, but I know my grandpa doesn't believe it. And my father and I just want to get into a place, but that is impossible because everything in Maryland is too expensive. I just give up. What do I do? Nobody is here-- my grandma died, my grandpa is at their house all by himself except for my aunt, and it is very awkward to go over there because they lead different lives/have income, unlike my father's family, and if I go and visit him it will seem so sad/quiet/empty and I just know I will will not know what to do or be able to do anything without crying. I am crying right now! AND I am 21 and still can't even drive! So how can I stay at my grandpa's house? Like what can I say to him, and what can I do there so that it is not awkward and I don't cry?

like I just feel like I am too old to have to have people treat me like this, like my grandpa treating me like I am a child staying over there and being talked to/treated like one. And just being there all by myself while my mother, brother, and sister are living with the psycho woman in Troy, NY! When I am so used to having them around! I just don't even think I can stay with my grandpa, even though he has that brick house with a basement with no one else there but my aunt and her bf. Why can't SOMEBODY just come back down to MD from Troy, NY? I can't even call them because I do not have access to free long distance (except maybe at my grandpa's house), and even if I did call the woman would just answer and not let me talk to anyone else.

Answer 1

If you think you'll feel awkard & alone, imagine how alone your grandpa is feeling! By the sound of your (sorry to say) dysfunctional family, I'd look at the invite as a welcome reprieve! Here's an idea, since you don't know what you'd do there, set a goal. Your goal should be to study & get your drivers liscence while you're visiting your poor ol' lonely grandpa. Think of him! Someone in your family should! And then ask yourself, why he asked you to come stay (out of all of your family!) You may not have too much more time with him, and the holidays are all about giving. So give a little bit of your time & attention. You'll be glad you did later....and you'll finally have your liscence to drive!
Good Luck!

Answer 2

First of all I'm really sorry about your loss, and I wish all the best for your Aunt Deana and your Grandma. But your Grandpa and Uncle would have wanted you to be happy this Christmas, and spend time with the family that still remains. And don't worry about your brother, he'll be fine.

Answer 3

You are in a precarious position.There is no one to bail you out.But at the same time ,you are lucky that your Grandpa is caring for you and extending a patronizing hand in your direction.You should grab it without hesitation. May be a new chapter in your life may unfold.While you are with Grandpa,make sure that you create a friendly and cordial relation with your aunt.