Good cop bad cop?

Question

My 13 year old son isnt doing too well in schol this year. I feel hes being lazy and only doing what he has to. He is going through that mouthy, stubborn stage thats welll known for kids at this age. When I was talking to him about his grades I told him that he was going to have to repeat the grade. He said NOOOO mom Im not, dad said that I could go to summer school. I dont feel that summer school is ok. I think that they give them work thats 2 grades below their education level to pass them by. I want him to be ready for the 8th grade before he gets in there. I told him that he either bringshis grades up or repeat the 7th grade. I also feel that my ex husband is too busy trying to be a friend instead of a parent. Its not a matter of me getting him more because we have joint custody so we both get him the same amount of time. Im tired of being the bad guy in every battle with my son, and my ex getting all glory. even his wife addmits that hes too permissive. what is your advice, Also

what are your thoughts on summer school? Im against it.

Answer 1

I think he needs to take the responsibility of being a student and do the work or go through the grade again. Giving him the easy way out will only create bad habits in the future. Maybe Dad needs a talking to as well since this has only everything to do with how your son will do in the future. He will only grow to respect the honesty from both of you. I think children pressure us the most where they need/want the most attention regardless if it is intentional.
I am in a step parent situation and my son pushed and fought my husband on every level when it came to school but in the end he asks him the questions on homework and wants to make him proud because we both stood our ground.

Answer 2

I support you in trying to make your son be responsible for his actions. Summer school is not a free pass, he would still be required to meet the requirements. He might function better under challenge of the faster curriculum. If he has to repeat the grade in a full semester, he might get bored early because he has seen it before and then suddenly find that he is lost. Maybe holding him back would get his attention and make him work harder.

Also you have not said if he is failing. If he does not fail the grade, I do not think that the school would hold him back, even if that is what you want.

Maybe some of the problem is his response to the overall conflict between you and your ex-husband. This is something that some who has no contact with any can not judge. Counseling may hope, but it is not a cure-all.

Answer 3

I agree you ex is not supportive and we cannot do anything about him (being an adult and all) but try to as they say, "work smarter, not harder". Teens nowadays are different breed of creatures from when we are teens so we need to adapt, learn, understand and OUTSMART them.

Give him a choice. If he wants to attend summer school he will only wear a set of ugly uniform you will assign to him and straight school - home and no allowance.

The reason why is because he is 13. If you held him back for a year he will hate you for the rest of his life. Th shame and embarrassment is not going to be good and he might fail *again* to get away from the teasing.

Make him think it's his choice.

Answer 4

I agree with you 100%. I went to summer school a couple times when I was in high school and it's a waste of time as far as education goes and a waste of money. Schools want to make money and shove kids through the system as fast as possible.
I think you need to call Mr. X and tell him that you don't approve and that he needs to stop making parenting decisions for the two of you without talking to you first.
If you don't want your son to go to summer school he shouldn't go. Kids should learn to do things the right way instead of figuring out ways to half-*** everything.
You are a good mom! So few people care about their kids education these days. Your ex is out of line.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to say this but if he is a ex then your hands are tied, he will always play the good cop roll just to spite you!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can try having a talk with him but sadly as in most defunct relationships this usually does not work, as far as threatening to keep him back a year you are playing right into your exhusbands game and treading on very thin ice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its time for you to reverse the roll through reverse psychology and nip this in the bud before your son really starts his rebellious faze and starts to resent you due to his father!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Luck hope all works out well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

well i took summer school to get ahead...i was on high honor roll and i took math during the summer leading into my senior year so that i could take calculus during my senior year....that kinda thing makes summer school ok....but summer school is not so a child can not do anything alll year and then catch up during the summer. You should put your foot down...are you the custodial parent?...then its your say about summer school not his fathers...i know its harsh but your child has to understand that.

Answer 7

your right....its a big waste of time....he needs to concentrate now instead of going back and fort....my advise take away everything from him.......he needs to learn that KNOWLEDGE is the most important things in life.


good luck