Do I sound like the most ungrateful teenager on the planet?

Question

My parents have extremely high expectations. Their 1st son is an angel sent from heaven. Amazing grades with AP classes, great athlete, obedient. But here comes me, I have mathmatics disorder, I'm lazier, I'm not as amazing of an athlete but I'm extremely talented in music and art. I can't meet their expectations because I'm just a normal teenager who wants to have fun. So in their eyes I'm rebellious and disobedient. And the reminders are constant. I feel like a terrible person I've been taken to therepists and taken pills. They show they care for me that way, but I'm still depressed. I have always been overshadowed by my older brother and my parents have left me feeling worthless and the feeling of "I'm never going to be good enough." People forget about me. I do great things but they only focus on him. But what makes me feel even worse about this is that I have so much, parents who care to take me to therepists, a home, dinner. But I'm still sad. Now, do I sound ungrateful to you?

Finding happiness is an entire different story. Almost everything that I do to make me happy has been taken from me. One of them is BY my parents. I have tried talking to them about it but they consider it ludicrous and just laugh about what I've said.

I'm afraid of telling them my dreams and what I want to be when I grow up because I know they expect me to have some job, get married and pump out some babies. That is FAR from my dream. But I've been disappointed so much in life I just can't take it anymore I can't have that feeling again.

Answer 1

no

Answer 2

Hun, You are NOT an ungrateful teenager. Most families have at least one child is the best at everything and another who has other talents. I was any only child and I still wasn't good enough for my parents. They constantly compared me to other kids, even my best friend.

My husband had a similar experience. he is one of four. He is the best kid out of the four, but he was always put down by his grandmother and mother. He overcame that, but it takes time. He graduated from Marquette with honors.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you have believe in yourself, not what other people say about you. I hope this helps.

I was still fighting this and I am almost 40! I realized that I have to set my own bar for what is good enough and what I want.

Answer 3

It's natural to want to impress your parents, and it's normal for them to have expectations of you. Unfortunately, we can't all meet our parent's expectations. So, you should find your own path. You're not your brother, so develop what skills you do have. You'll find that most families with more than one child has this problem, you're not alone in this.

Find something that you enjoy, take up piano, painting, dance or yoga. Find your own outlet. It's great that you're brother is in all these crazy AP courses and a great athlete, however, you shouldn't try to compete with this. In the long run, those AP classes aren't going to account for anything if he chooses the wrong path. I know plenty of 'child prodigies' that just collapsed after high school.

It took me 19 years to finally stop caring about what my parents thought. I tried listening to them, but it wasn't working. My parents have fought me on every major decision I have ever made (leaving post secondary, moving out with the boyfriend, traveling abroad...). But in the end, everything worked out. I'm engaged to the boyfriend that I moved out with. I survived traveling abroad. I'm in my third year at a competitive university. Honestly, if I didn't grow the courage to start creating my own life, I'd probably be living in their basement afraid to grow up.

So really, just survive the next couple years. Why not paint your parents a picture or invite them to listen to you play an instrument? Not all of us are super gifted academically, so stop thinking of yourself as being overshadowed by your brother. Maybe your brother can't hold a paintbrush to save his life! Things will work out eventually. You're definitely not ungrateful, you're normal.

Answer 4

You don't HAVE to stand in your brothers shadows. Don't think you have to be perfect just because everybody thinks your brother is. Next time, instead of introducing yourself as, "Joseph's sister." or whatever, try saying, "I'm _____." Also, you have your talents and he has his. But the better thing about him over you that I've noticed within what you've said, is that he's not afraid to express his talents and go farther than his goals. You, afraid of what your parents will think, hide your artsy talents and keep them to yourself. Don't feel as though they're not going to appreciate your talents. Even if they don't, those talents are still what you like to do, so don't give them up.
Another thing-don't let your parent's high expectations bring down. Live up to your own expectations-not your parents. Set goals for yourself with math, and hope to achieve them. Your parents are one thing, but you are another. At the end of the day, you should like who you are. You shouldn't let your parents tell you who you should be and what you should do. Hey-who said you had to major in mathematics?
And if you're worried about people forgetting you, don't let them forget you. Try to be more memorable. Instead of hiding away in your turtle shell, reach out to the world and tell them who you are. Don't go physco-that's NOT the way you want to be remembered by! If people forget your name or something about you, just camly and sophisticatilly remind them what your name is or that important detail about yourself. Do as good as you can in school and other activities, and even if your parents say you haven't succeeded, know you have. If you get a better mark on your report card, though it still doesn't seem very good, think of it as though you have succeeded! Just feel better about yourself.
You don't need to go to therapists and take pills to show people who you are. You just need to be bright and respect who you are. You DO deserve what you have! You don't sound ungrateful at all! You're just looking for help, that's all. And you will find help in yourself if you believe in yourself. Maybe that shy girl in the corner of the classroom wants to be friends, but she never speaks up, so you don't know it? Or that boy who gets picked on all the time-maybe he'll make a dream friend and you never even expected it! If you believe in yourself, you WILL succeed!

Answer 5

Take your post along and have a group therapy with your parents. Can it be they don't really know how you feel? You don't sound ungrateful.

You may also be exaggerating their negative feelings. Sharing your dreams and aspirations with them may show them that you can put your talents to good use in the future!

Good parents want the best for all their children, but they sometimes forget that each one is uniquely special!

Answer 6

oh yes you think she would have at least invited you over for dinner or even a light lunch and at least met you half way thats terrible of her. I bet she did'nt even send you a thank you note. If I were you, if she could'nt give her children a christmas I would tell her that the food bank is always there to help with food as well as toys, you are a good person and she does'nt deserve to have you as a friend, you did a good deed and I bet you don't really feel good about it do you? I bet she put her name on those gifts, and did'nt even think of your kindness thats a shame. If you want to give a kid a christmas I hope you'll go to toys for tots next time please

Answer 7

YOU said:
" I'm lazier"
Lazy is NOT a disease hon.It is a CHOICE.
Your feelings of depression will NOT change UNTIL the way you think and your ACTIONS change first.Get some tutoring in math, and get in band.Instead of focusing your energies on sports go into band, choir, and see what they have for art.The pills wont solve your problems.One problem is you are jealous over your brother getting attention from your parents, and it makes you feel like they love him and not you.You NEED to explain this to your parents and THEN listen to what they say about it.He will always be better at some things than you are, whereas youll be better at other things.

Answer 8

No sweetie, you sound like a NORMAL teenaged girl to me, and SHAME on your parents for allowing their prescious daughter to feel like a 2nd class citizen in her own home.

"You're not good enough" is a powerful message to overcome when it is sent to you by your parents. If you re-read your question in the 3rd person, you may realize that you are starting to say those things to yourself as well. If you require therapy, & medication THAT'S NOT YOU'RE FAULT!
Talk to your therapist about how you can learn to be kinder to yourself. It's bad enough that your family is hard on you, but for you to join in & help them bring you down is just wrong!

Stay focussed on your strong points, and dwell less on the shortcommings. YOU AREN'T YOUR BROTHER, so it's unfair for anybody to expect you to be as good as he is at EVERYTHING he is good at.
I believe that your parents see their son through a distorted filter that causes them to see a golden shaft of light from the heavens illuminating on his head. If I am right then you are faced with an impossible standard to meet.
I am sure that outsiders looking in, would find lot's of faults with your older brother.

So be kind to yourself. You deserve it!

Answer 9

I wouldn't say ungrateful. I wouldn't say depressed. I do think you find it pointless to pursue your passion, maybe for the reason behind the emotional damage collected in your head due to your wonderful parents. Don't go and hate the world because of there negativity...I would say, you need to go for what intrigues you and forget about what they think you should be. I mean, music and art is the SH-IT. so, do it!

Answer 10

Wow I feel the same way. I suck at math my dad does not understand that. No u do not sound ungrateful u sound like a person who is tired of being forced to be someone ur not.

Answer 11

no i dont think you are ungrateful, i think as you say , you are a typical kid that just wants to have fun, and your parents are typical parents that love there kids and want the best for them, express to your parents how you feel im sure they will understand, but make sure you put your part by always trying your best and keeping your prioritys in first place , like your education and your family, but enjoy being a happy and healthy teenager too.parents just want to teach us to make good decisions.