Honoring father and mother ? How do I forgive the unforgivable?

Question

Instead of protecting me and loving me he took advantage and took my innocence. Then when the inevitable happened he tried to get me to have an abortion.

Mom was almost as bad. She knew the whole time what he was doing and never even tried to stop him.

I know what the fifth commandment says and that I forgive.
But I struggle with it. I really do.

How do I forgive them? How can I honor them after what happened?

Answer 1

you ask god every day to give you the grace. it's not easy and it's not ever going to be easy.

but every day you pray and you ask god to take away the pain and to help you forgive.

and over time god will heal those wounds with his love.

but, it won't happen over night, or in a couple of weeks, or months.

A great hurt takes a great time to heal. But you have to have faith.

No one knows the personal pain that you have been through, but I can share with you, when your mother betrays you and allows someone to hurt you I know that pain. But even that pain and that amount of hurt, will heal.

Answer 2

Forgive doesn't mean forget. Forgiving is just letting it go and saying you've moved on from it. Now, that's not to say that to forgive is easy or happens overnight. That's a process,and how you get there is between you and God.

The reason to forgive: so that you are free from the bondage of what someone else did TO you. You can't move on if you live back there at what happened and how wrong they did you. Work through it and move forward.

As to honoring your father and mother - that has more to do with their positions as parents, and much less to do with how it feels and whether or not you maintain a close relationship. Honoring is something along the lines of: when they get old, do you care for them or leave them at a nursing home and forget they exist? You honor them by doing what's right, no matter how deserving they may (or may not) be.

All that said, I'm so so sorry they hurt you so tremendously and I hope that you can get past it and get on with your life.

Answer 3

What happened to you was horrible. I am not taking that away from you. But forgiving doesn't mean letting it slide, or that somehow that person is off the hook. It doesn't even mean we have to accept that person back into our life.
We all struggle to forgive people, and there is nothing wrong with going to God and telling him, you want to forgive because he tells you to, but you are having a hard time and ask for his help. I promise you he will help you. You may have to try and forgive a lot of times before you even can, and there is nothing wrong with that. God does not hold it against us.

Answer 4

First lets look at the word `honor' what exactly does it mean? I know it means to respect...and you have a problem with that...and I agree with you...
respect is not a right that should be automaticly given at times...most parents teach this lesson by example...your parents violated and truly sinned against this commandment...so you therefore are not obligated to give them more than a respect not to run them over with your car! okay? a very close person to me has a sister who violated my friends 3 sons (for years). when she found out she went into shock for about eight or so years...the idea that her sister had done this to the children as well as to my friend...both the children and the mom are victims here. my friend for years wanted to kill her sister and had to fight the impulse that was incredibly strong. My friend when she came out of the truama form it all was glad she had not killed her sister...but in no way does she ever want to see or hear about or from this person. My friend went one step further and forgave her sister and gave it all to GOD...my friend is free of the whole thing for several years now and actually prays now for that sister...yet she never refers to her as her sister...just "the other child my mother had". THe only thing GOD asks us in cases like these is to FORGIVE...it sounds impossible I know...when my friends pastor told her to forgive..she heard the little voice inside herself say:'But I dont' want to forgive that person.." she knew that was not the right thing...so she did as she was asked...and thats when HER healing began...she still can omit that person from her life and be in compliance with GOD...AMEN? Amen! I am sorry your parenst did all that to you...you are not alone...it happens one in four families...but you have GOD and you now have me...I will keep you in my prayers....

Answer 5

In Islam, we believe that if you want to be forgiven by God, you must also learn to forgive others. I know this is hard especailly in your situation. I myself have found it hard to do the same thing, but as time goes on and i grow up, i realise that life is too short. I would hate it for one of my loved ones to die and i had that feeling of hate or anger towards them. Forgiving someone doesnt mean that you have to be close to them, it just means that you put the past behinde you both, even though it's hard. I hope this helps you, but no matter what anyone says, it's you that has to make the change.
Good luck

Answer 6

When the 10 commandments was written their was no social security or medicare. Children were expected to take care of their parents in their old age. NOt to be done by belittleing them or making they feel like a burden.
today we pay into social security and this lets them grow old with dignity. They have their own money and are able to care for themselves. You are honoring them by working and paying into social security. It doesn't mean you have to like what they do and accept their bad behavior.
We are sometimes hurt by the actions of our parents and the bible says you reap what you sow. So the way your parents are reaping what they sowed is that now you don't love them.
They didn't love you and as the bible says what goes around comes around. Now it is their time to be unloved.
If they were homeless and starving then yes, get them where they can get help to survive. But God does not expect us to put up with the bad behavior of others.
He said in Psalms 37:9,10,11,12,29 that he hates the wicked. and he is going to destroy the wicked.
What they did was wicked now they are going to pay for it and that is not your fault.

Answer 7

I'm so sorry you went through that. I really am. You can forgive someone, if only to let the anger and hate go, but not forget and NOT allow them in your life. They are toxic and no one would expect you to continue to even be around them. If you're not around them at all, then you have no reason to worry about honoring them. They didn't honor YOU or fulfill their obligation to be good parents.

Answer 8

Here is how Jesus said it works.. difficult ..but considering a lifetime is often many years long..there is plenty of time for you to do your own share of betrayals.. ( not that I am saying you are bad like them, no )

Jesus said .. that when judgement day comes.. we must forgive to be forgiven. So waste no time learning that everyone on this planet is weak and has to look to God for the guidance they need.. some are slower to look ( your own parents ) and some are faster on the path ( you ) ... Recognize that God wants all of us to see our own weaknesses are present in others and that we all have to fight ourselves to keep from betraying others. That is why He said we may lead no one into sin.

I am so sorry your parents did this horrible thing to you ..but I hope that somehow you do find it inside of your heart to forgive them. God does not say you must be friendly with your parents now you are grown. ( if you are ). Nor does He ever say you must take your own children around them ever. Kapish? You are the child of God. You ARE the child of God. Be His child instead of the child of another child. Honor God.

Answer 9

Wow, you poor thing! What you went through is something that NO child should ever have to go through. As far as forgiving them, I understand why that would be hard. You have to understand that you may be able to forgive them one day, but it's also possible that you were too deeply wounded by what they did to forgive them. That's quite okay. As far as honoring them...heck with that. Honor has to be earned, and is a reciprocal action. They didn't honor you...if anything, they dishonored you. For that, they are undeserving of your forgiveness and unworthy of your honor. And your father should be in jail.

Answer 10

First let me say you have every right to be deeply hurt. It is a horrible experience for you. You are in my prayers. Sometimes forgiveness takes time and comes in steps. He was wrong to hurt you, wrong to take your innocence, she should have protected you. It was wrong to push you to have an abortion too. I understand. I have been there. You must understand that your mother was emotionally weak. Her failing not yours. She was probably abused herself. Indeed she was probably raised to beleive that she had to unquestioningly obey her husband. Not to mention raised to beleive that "If it is not nice it did not happen nor do we talk about it." A common occurence in families with sexual abuse. It is not an isolated situation. You will discover that this has been a family problem probably for generations. It was in mine too. You accept their failings and realize they were not mature. The man who hurt you I have a harder time with. Forgivenes is not easy and it is more for you than for him. Tell him if at all possible that what he did was wrong but that you forgive him. Pray for that forgiveness. But remember forgivenes doesn't mean letting him hurt you in ANY way again. Sometimes it may be neccesary to sever ties. Neccesary for your sake not his. What he did was wrong, evil, and twisted. It changed who you are forever. But how it changes you is up to you. You are a survivor. You are strong and amazing. He did not damage your worth. Remember that. God loves you and so do I.
Peace Be With You.
Debra