Is this normal action for other guys? Can I trust this man once again..?

Question

I am still with this man who is in Iraq. He sends tons of message that how much he loves me, he wants to spend life with me, stuff like that. I am also 4months pregnant. He said he is very happy and he is planning to have his leave in Jan and come see me.
BUT,I just found out that some websites that he goes to and never told me. In myspace He did put there as "divorced", he has divorced from couple of his marriages. Although he never mentioning about relationship with me there. He once told me he has to go to Iraq to save money for me and baby. He wrote he had to go Iraq because he has to support his 12year old son, nothing else about me and baby.
Also, I saw his profile at Adultfriendfinder.com. I had to sign up to see his profile.he was wanting to meet some woman who match with his type or sex life. He did not put any naked/sexual pictures himself there, just one face picture with his army uniform. he wants no long distance relationship. I live in NY and he lives in GA.

Answer 1

Don't know enough about your relationship prior to him going to Iraq, so this is tough. He is in a very bad situation and may just want interaction from people in the states. Be honest with him, tell him you saw his web page, let him talk! Keep things as they are until he comes home, then be the judge of his actions. Do you know his ex? She can probably tell you some things! Old patterns usually repeat themselves! Keep you guard up, be sure you are in the relationship because you want to be, not just because you think he wants you! Keep the communication open, don't snoop, if he plans to cheat, he will. You can only be responsible for YOUR actions, not his, so if you don't like what is going on, decide if you need to get out.

Answer 2

If he's your baby's dad, you should give him another chance. The adult friend finder web site would concern me too, but have you two talked about being exclusive & monogomous?

I think a lot of people stationed overseas rely on the internet as a social outlet....so that could explain (partially) why he's posted on those sites.

But no, He doesn't sound very committed if he's not mentioning you on his myspace, or at least checking the box indicating he's in a relationship.

One other point, four months is pretty new in terms of pregnancy.....maybe's he's waiting until he's more sure about the outcome of that pregnancy....before he introduces the concept to all of his friends.
Very Good Luck to you~ I hope it all works out.

Answer 3

While you may not enjoy the idea, talk to his ex wives if you can. Have an adult cup of tea or coffee together, get their take on him.

He reminds me of my brother. He was in the military for a few months, then cried until they let him out basically. No kidding. He has sites online where he says nothing about being married, nothing about his ex wife or his other kids, or his new kids. He says he's a baseball umpire, which he is not.

This man sounds like a danger to your future. You know it. Admit it. Run and stay on birth control or abstain until you find the man who doesnt SAY all the right things, but really does them.

Unless your man is stupid, he knows what to say and when.

Answer 4

Ah, military men. Been there, done that. The deployments and lifestyle in general can cause them to be much bigger dogs than other men. He could just be, um, sexually frustrated and may be living out fantasies online with no intention of following through. OR, he could be a cheat. It is hard to say especially in this situation. I would have a semi-serious talk with him and try and clarify how serious you two are about each other and what his intentions are when he returns home (does he intend to marry you or be committed to you? Does he simply intend to support his child?, etc.) I would not let on to knowing about the websites just yet, I would see how this plays out first.

Answer 5

Just ask. If your bringing a child into this world with this guy you have a right to know the truth. Maybe he's just bored over there and he tends to go on these websites to pass the time. Be honest with him that you are not really comfortable with this type relationship and you would like him to make you a part of his daily life.

Answer 6

The whole things sounds sketchy.....it could be nothing and it could be something =/

If you are truly concerned, casually mention something about what you found out. If he really loves you like he tells you, then you two should be able to have a healthy and productive coversation about it.

I don't know him, and I am not the one on love with him so in the end you need to make a decision. Is this someone you want to love? Trust?

Answer 7

To say this bluntly and gently pleae 4get about him..he is not serious about you,otherwise he wouldn't be on those sites. I'm sorry hun. I jutgot out of a relationship that took me 2 1/2 years to realize he never really cared..he was getting busy with his wifeand another very young woman, and possibly more.

Answer 8

You say "can I trust this man once again". Did he "cheat" on you before? If you are hunting on line, it tells me that YOU don't trust him. You are in a pickle because you are pregnant, with his child, I'm assuming.

You will need to decide what this is all worth. A child is coming into this world and it's no longer about you. It's about the child. I would suggest that you find yourself a therapist and work out your trust issues.

If you don't trust him now, you won't trust him six months from now. You need to talk to him and tell him that you need time to think because you are having trust issues, not him, you. And get yourself to a therapist, no need for dramatics.

Answer 9

It doesn't seem like he is very interested in the same kind of relationship as you are. Have you confronted him with what you found? I don't think you should leave him because you have to think of your child but I really believe that you two need to sit down and discuss whatever is going on.

Answer 10

He's testing the waters to see if there is something better out there for him. Do you want to be the "right" girl or the "right now" girl? Personally I would cut him loose and explain perfectly and with details, then work on the court-ordered child support.