How do I let go of his lies from the past? Will I ever trust him again?

Question

First, I want to say that I love my boyfriend more than anything. We have been dating for almost 2 years. For the most part, everything is great. About 8 months ago, something happened where I found out his was still talking to an ex through the phone and texts. The problem was I had asked him to stop talking to her a year prior (for too many reasons to list here)and that he told me over and over that he hadn't talked to her in weeks/months. When I confronted him that I knew, he admitted partically to it. He admits they talked but wouldnt admit it was more often that he said. I dont know why I still cant get past this issue. He did apoligize and said it would never happen again. I am 99% sure they are NOT still having contact, but that 1% is still there. I know he can be sneaky, so they could be talking while is at work or on AIM. I just need to trust him, otherwise I will never get over this issue. Part of me wonders if he still has feelings for her even though she is married...

and has a child. He told me when we first started dating how hot she was and blah blah, but I am just so over this issue ruining my life. Its been 8 months and I am still worried as I was 8 months ago. ALso, I try to talk to him but he told me if i ever brought it up again, he would dump me.

Answer 1

Even if you love him, you're going to have to let him go. Think deeply about what would happen in the near future?

I personally think you meet better men than what you had before. It might be because you have better expectations and you search for better.

You should leave him.
1. He told you his ex was hot in the beginning of the relationship. (What? Was he trying to impress you that he had a hot girlfriend before?)
2. He lied to you and made you feel insecure. (Wouldn't most guys say, "I wouldn't lie to you because I love you". He lied already and then he admitted it "partially".)
3. He threatened to dump you? (You go dump him first. If he loved you back, he would reassure you and not threaten to dump you if you ever talked about the issue once again.)

Everyone would give you the same advice "dump him", but it's only because it's the right choice.

It's obviously not what you want to hear, but it's the truth.

Answer 2

Geezus. Do we ALL have the same problems here?

This is getting ridiculous.

You need to kick him to the curb, for real. When they lie about an ex, thats is SUCH a bad sign... it means they are either: using them, using you, not over them, confused, stupid... or all of the above.

NO ONE hangs on to a married freakin ex unless they have serious attachment issues.. and if he cant even be up front and honest with you about it, that sets the tone for how trustworthy he is being with you overall.

ENOUGH of the bullsh*t... you deserve better, I deserve better, and everyone can do better than people who still cling on to a (especially unavailable) thing of the past. If he were respectable and still had feelings anyway, he wouldnt CONTACT her anyway... because then he is forcing her to compromise her own married life. GRrrrr. Its called a break-up because its broken. These guys we get involved with sometimes really need to learn, but its NOT going to be through us.

Let it go.

Answer 3

will depend on "you" when you ever desire to believe a male once more. Do you feel might be a male demands to be on your long term, i.e. to have kids with? Most instances in lifestyles we maintain to draw the equal type of folks, so move speak this out with a counselor, uncover out what went flawed, work out why you attracted this man, and realize higher subsequent time.

Answer 4

You have no reason to trust him, he has proven to be a liar. In your heart of hearts you know he is a liar, and even if she is married, he is not fully involved with you. If you don't have trust, you really have nothing. He has way too much baggage; you deserve someone who wants truly to be with you. Dump him!