They say they didn't know, but my father also threatened me recently that if I continue to tell people about it I will have him to answer too. It was my grandfather on my moms side and my uncle on my dads side. This whole situation has affected everyday of my life since I can remember....even drugs, which I am now sober.
2007-12-13 09:10:05 · 8 answers · asked by lady_billabong 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
As a victim of the same circumstances my best suggestion is work on yourself and learning to live in spite of the past. It's not an easy thing to do but it can be done. I'm not saying you have to cover for the rotten s.o.b. but turning it into a family war won't help you feel better. I forced my parents to admit what happened and they didn't protect me but first it took several years of me cutting them out of my life totally for them to understand how traumatic it was and just how much I had been hurt.
Good for you on getting sober. I went through an alcoholic stage trying to numb my emotions. They don't go away until they are dealt with. I suggest some counseling to see what will work best to help you come to terms with what happened.
I was often told we can choose to be a victim or a survivor. It's good advice but I hit a point where I couldn't even call myself s survivor. It just made it feel like that was another way the past was holding on to me. I made a conscience decision to not let it keep me down. I wish there was some magic cure or fix but there isn't. The first step is getting help to deal with the anger and then the need for validation or revenge doesn't seem so important.
I am truly sorry for what you suffered. Surround yourself with family and friends who are supportive. If my father threatened me not only would I have told him off and dumped him but I would have said what I had to say about the perverts even louder. He shouldn't treat it like some family shame that needs to be kept secret. It is the perverts shame, not yours and not the rest of your families.
Your parents are never going to admit if they knew it was going on. Mine never did. The best you can hope for is for them to someday at least try to understand and sympathize with what you've been through. Best of luck!
2007-12-13 09:42:14 · answer #1 · answered by MISS H 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They may very well have not known. As children it is amazing what we learn to hide, or even completely block out until many years later. Your father is in denial. It is easier to deny than to accept the truth and know he did not protect his little girl. Denial is easier than dealing with the guilt he would feel.
My father still refuses to believe I'm telling the truth though my mother has no doubt and I wasn't abused by a family member. He just can't bear the thought that he never knew, and that he wasn't their to protect me.
I never blamed my parents for what happened and have gotten past the anger where my father is concerned and we have a great relationship. I talk to my Mom in private about things. I just don't talk about it with my father and that's okay. Took some time though, I was pretty upset with him.
I went the alcohol route by the way, so I know exactly what you are talking about. People just don't realize the long term effects of child abuse and it only has to happen once and it doesn't necessarily mean sex took place.
Good luck in your recovery and may you find it in you to forgive you father for the pain he is causing you.
2007-12-13 09:28:37 · answer #2 · answered by Choqs 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These days a person can sue over anything, but what are you going to gain by filing suit against your parents? If you do get any money out of them you will still be miserable. I think you should forget about suing them, and start thinking about getting some real help. If you haven't ever talked to a therapist, that would be a good starting point. Regardless of what you decide, I wish you luck.
2007-12-13 09:23:51 · answer #3 · answered by a TRUE American 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My daughter is 7, and she too started being invited to sleepovers at the age of 4. These were birthdays parties. I let my daughter go to the birthday parties, and stay up until the other girls were getting ready for bed. Even at 7, she has only had one sleepover at another girl's house. Some parents are more relaxed than others, but I tend to be more strict. I don't find anything wrong with being stricter; you just don't know anymore...the world is getting crazier and crazier by the minute! :)
2016-04-09 01:21:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they honestly didn't know, they you can't blame them not protecting you. If they did know, yes, they could be punished by law, but it's unlikely you win a civil lawsuit against them.
Why not sue the real criminals here, the grandfather and uncle? Or why not focus on getting therapy and healing, instead of trying to lay blame on the entire world? Yes, what happened was awful and wrong and not your fault - but you can't let it determine the rest of your life, or blame your other poor decisions on your victim status.
2007-12-13 09:38:27 · answer #5 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of that family system--including your parents!! You COULD sue the people who abused you, I'd think....BUT the problem for abused children is who else can verify it!!! Very difficult! I'd just get the H____ out of that whole system; make your own life and decide if you can get an attorny to support and work with you on charging the creeps!!
2007-12-13 11:55:33 · answer #6 · answered by Martell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your time would be better spent in counseling to help you deal with them not protecting you and work on healing. I'd also recommend you put a lot of distance between you and your family.
2007-12-13 10:42:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can try but without even a report it happened it will be difficult you are gonna have to go back and try sueing the ones who molested you then sue your parents for not protecting you. talk to a lawyer and figure it out
2007-12-13 09:17:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋