Am I right to stick by my word?

Question

I bought my thirteen year old cousin a PS2 a month ago as an incentive to having good behavior in school. (I bought it with my return check from college and when his mother got her taxes back next February, she would pay me back for it.)

The rules were:
1)His grades had to stay above an 85,
2)He could not get suspended,
3)His homework had to be completed every single night. I made absolutely certain that he understood these rules completely - more than once! - and he assured me that he did. If any of these things failed to happen, there would be consequences for his actions. For instance, with #1, he would lose the PS2 until his grades came up, #2, he would lose the PS2 for double the amount of time he was suspended for, and #3, he had to complete his homework before being able to play the PS2.

Recently, he was suspended twice from school as well as received an F in English / Language Arts. Both times I let the rules slide. They attended a hearing this morning for his school adm. to vote on whether or not he should attend Warlick ("an alternative school for troublemakers") due to his bad behavior.

I followed the rules I'd set and took his PS2 away until Friday since he was suspended for one day on Wednesday. But his mother refused to follow the rules b/c my cousin had cried at his Warlick hearing this morning! She refused to let me keep the PS2 until Friday because she felt sorry for Matthew and since she was “paying me back for the game system, then it was already hers and she could take it away and let him have it as she sees fit.” But she hasn't given me any money yet, therefore, it is technically still up to me, isn't it?

Matthew doesn't receive punishment for his actions and I am trying to enforce that around here to the best of my ability. Is that wrong? I mean I know I am not his mother but his mother isn't one either! Every time Matthew does something that he knows he shouldn't do and something that he knows is wrong and will get him into trouble, she makes excuses for him and goes blind the faults he makes. I know that no one is perfect but when I was growing up I was punished for the things that I did wrong. Shouldn't he be as well? I live with them and I am here all day everyday – no job yet (help!), recently finished school – and Matthew has no chores, he watches television (satellite/Direct TV), plays on his Gamecube and PS2 for hours at a time, plays on the Internet for hours at a time, goes out and rides his bike without telling anyone where he is going, when he leaves, or when he'll be back. His room is a filthy disgusting mess, he refuses to clean up after or even feed his dogs, and pitches the fit and temper tantrum when we ask him at least take out the trash! It's ridiculous!

Am I being to hard on him for taking the PS2 away, even though his mother made me return it to him? Am I really acting way too much like his mother instead of his cousin? Was I right to stick by my word and take it in the first place, if only just to prove that I was serious about the punishment?

Answer 1

Your plan was a good one and you should have stuck by the rules. If the mom refuses to go by your rules (your rules because it's YOUR Playstation) then you should take the Playstation back and not let them have it at all.
The mom is the one with the power over her son. She's not using it to help him though. There may not be anything you can do about it.
I recommend that you NOT sell the Playstation to the mom; tell her that you bought it to help her son, but since she doesn't want to use it for that, you will just find some other use for it. You won't use it to reinforce his bad behavior by breaking the rules.
I can see that things are going from bad to worse, and he'll end up in Juvenile Hall before he's grown, unless his mom changes her attitude dramatically. You might want to find another place to live.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

You were right, but you need to take the ps2 from the spoiled child and his mother. If she has not given you the full amount, then she doesn't own it either. Her actions are seriously endangering the chances of this child ever succeeding in life. They need counseling, or maybe even social services.

Answer 4

You were right and you should take the PS2 away and only return it when his mom pays for it.

She spoils him and cannot enforce your rules cause he acts up.

Alternatively take it back sell it on e bay and say look mate you have to accept some responsibility for your actions

Answer 5

You are not being too hard on him. You should not have let it slide when his grades dropped. It sounds like he is a spoiled brat, and his mom is not helping him by giving him things. She is making it worse; at least someone is standing up to him, and telling him there are punishments for his actions.

Good luck with the job search!

Answer 6

I believe you were just trying to do the right thing. If his mother hasnt paid for it yet then I believe your still the rule maker. Take his ps2 and sell it, or give it to someone who deserves it. If his mother ask where it is, play dumb.

Answer 7

Sounds like your the only one trying to teach this boy responsibility. You're the only one concerned about what kind of person he'll be in five years. Too bad for him. He could use the lessons you're trying to teach.