is this normal?

Question

My oldest brother smokes weed as often as you'd smoke a cigarette, he's 22. He has gotten all of the side effects. when my mum goes out he orders me around, and when i say no he calls me these discusting names, you wouldn't even say it to a family member. He shouts so loud, and his eyes glare at me asif i'm dirt. He'd storm around the house saying he hates me. It gets to me so much, i'm a 14 year old and i am already stressed about another incident that has recently happend. I've had my brother on my back since i was 12, it is always when everyone is out, and he's been close to hitting me as hard as he hits the walls before, but i got away. Is this ever going to stop?

Answer 1

No.. it's not going to stop until your parents get involved.

Here's my suggestion. First tell your parents what is going on. They are enabling his drug addiction by allowing him to live in their home. At age 22 he should be out on his own.

If your parents don't believe you or refuse to take action, you need to video tape the incidents. Place a video camera (borrow one if you have to) in a hidden place that has the best chance to capture the abuse. Then wait for things to happen and show the tape to your parents. This should convince them to do something. Remember, do not antogize your brother as your actions will show on the tape as well and then it will look as if YOUR pushing his buttons instead of the other way around.

If your parents refuse to do anything, then make a tape and give it to your counsuler at school... by law they are obligated to make a report and then CPS will step in and resolve the problem.

Good luck!

Answer 2

This is not, in any way, "normal". He might be going through a rough spot in his life (well, obviously) and he should probably be seeking help for it. The best thing you can do is to try and resolve this peacefully, taking the situation he's going through in mind, but helping yourself involves getting your brother to stop this. Undue stress of this nature at your age can lead to depression, poor grades, and self-destructive behavior. Since your brother is out of puberty, this irrational behavior is very strange and there may be some underlying psychological problem that needs to be dealt with by a professional. Don't take chances thinking "everything will get better someday", tell you mom right now what's going on. It's possible to resolve this with a family meeting, or you might have a hard road ahead of yourself involving the situation getting worse before it gets better. Tell your friends what you're going through, too. You may be surprised to find how accepting they are and they will probably be willing to extend a helping hand (i.e. a place to stay while your bother is having a fit) to get you through this. Don't do nothing, don't go it alone.

Answer 3

This is normal. Every family has it's problems. You just need to stay away from your brother, and try not to get in his way, before one of these days he hurts you. That is an awful unthinkable thing for a family member to do, but when you smoke weed, you aren't the same person you were born to be. Be careful, if he becomes abusive, then call a domestic violence helpline or something to help you. There are many places to help you. You can tell a teacher or counselor in your area help you and your family anonymously, if things get out of hand. Good luck!

Answer 4

You should not be dealing with this. Even if he's your brother, he's over 18, and you could have him arrested if you felt that it was necessary. Possession and threatening you is more than enough.

I'm 15, and I understand kind of what you deal with at school, pathetic relationships, drama, etc. You probably have more than enough stress as it is, so you need to put a stop to this.

Tell someone with authority whats going on, so he can get help, and you and your family can take a break from that right now.

Answer 5

I went through this with my sister when I was young. She didn't smoke weed though - and I thought everyone was mellow when smoking, oh well.
What I did was just try to stay away from her as much as possible.
It's hard to imagine your parents can't smell the weed. If you have other brothers why don't you all approach your parents together?

Answer 6

Weed is known to mellow people out. (too much) He's probably on something else making him so mean, like meth or crack. He doesn't sound like someone who would be reasonable with you, can you talk to your Mom? Does your brother have a friend you would feel comfortable talking to? He may be more open to taking suggestions from a friend of his. It sucks I know, my brother was awful to me until I was about 13 & he was hitting me in front of his friend who stopped him & made him feel like it wasn't so cool. That guy is like my hero. It's not going to stop until you make something happen, & it doesn't have to be you to him directly, you need to ask someone else for help.

Answer 7

That isn't normal but I honestly don't think the weed plays that much into it. I think he just may have a really bad temper and some issues going on and he doesn't know how to vent his emotions without getting mad. You should talk to him and if he doesn't change then I would tell your parents because you shouldn't be treated like that.

Answer 8

For your safety, tell an adult you trust about the situation. Probably your parents know something is going on but are in denial, or don`t know how to contront this difficult situation. You seem very mature, but that`s no reason to hold it in. Nothing will change for the better unless you share it with someone who can truly help you. God Bless you.

Answer 9

It won't stop until you tell your parents or another adult. Since you're only 14 the situation is serious and needs handled quickly. For your sake you need to tell someone about this before it comes the time where you don't get away and he hurts you.

Answer 10

How does your Mom not know he is doing this? Hon, you have the right to feel safe in your own home. He has the right, being over 21, to be on his own supporting himself and not sponging off of his family. Tell someone what's happening so this will stop! Otherwise it will only get worse.