If the married couple is actually able to conceive, is it horrible to chose adoption instead of having your own children?
2007-12-13 05:51:21 · 17 answers · asked by Blond&Tall 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
No, of course not. It's a wonderful thing to do whether you can conceive or not. You're giving a child with no family a loving home and parents. How could that EVER be "horrible"?
People have pointed out a lot of the flaws in the system... and yes, there are many, and yes sometimes young women are coerced... however there are also many children who GENUINELY need homes, who's mothers, for whatever reason were in fact incapable of taking care of them. Consider adopting an older child as well. Children over the age of two are far less likely to be adopted than newborns.
2007-12-13 13:02:20 · answer #1 · answered by Rachel B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to help one of the thousands of children in foster care - hoping for a better life - because their parents just couldn't take care of them - then - sure it's an ok thing to do.
(as long as you realize that the child -once adopted - has two families - and both should be recognized for the child to have a good sense of self - not just pretend that the child materialized out of thin air!!)
That type of adoption is about helping a child in need that has already lost his/her parents.
If you want to adopt a new born child - where a pregnant woman is talked into giving up her child because she is young or not wealthy or has college to finish (etc) - then I think it is wrong.
Most women in this situation need just encouragement to parent - not to fall into the adoption trap - where the mother will always be grieving the loss of the child - and the child will always be grieving the loss of the mother - for reasons that were perhaps just SHORT TERM.
This type of adoption usually corners women who COULD parent - but are unsure of what lays ahead.
Adoption is a long term solution to a short term problem - in the case of infant adoption in the US.
Read up on birth-mother blogs - and adult adoptee blogs.
Adoption is not all happy-happy for the one's that have to be separated from each other - just so a family of strangers can play family together. Nature intended for children to stay with their biological mother & family. Only this century have people decided that it would be a good idea to separate families.
http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php?topic=2804.0
http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php?topic=2805.0
2007-12-13 09:40:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Only if you are adopting out of foster care.
Remember, in order for an adoption to happen, there must first be a SEPARATION.
This separation of an infant from his/her mother causes much pain and trauma to both the baby and the mother. So many babies are needlessly adopted in the US because women are made to feel they shouldn't parent simply because they are single, unable to provide "things", etc. Coercion is rampant in the adoption industry.
Open adoptions are not legally enforceable; many times, adoptive parents promise an open adoption only to close it once the ink is dry, leaving the n-mother with no recourse. She chose open adoption because she wanted to be a part of her child's life...maybe she felt she couldn't "provide" for her child, but you know she still LOVES that child, and that promise was broken because of the greed of the AP's.
Adoptees' rights are still trampled on in this day and age; we still do not have access to our own birth certificates, we are treated like second-class citizens. We are the ONLY class of citizens in the US who cannot access our original, unlatered birth certificates.
With a little more assistance and a little less judgment, there could be a whole lot less separation of babies and their mothers going on, but nobody wants to acknowledge this. They're too happy passing infants around as "gifts" like they were toasters.
2007-12-13 08:04:38 · answer #3 · answered by Lillie 5 · 9⤊ 0⤋
On a similar question in the adoption section, here's how I answered:
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I think adoption, as used in the United States today, is generally negative. To keep the system going... Society perpetuates the myth that families require children in order to be complete. That helps to create the demand by potential adoptive parents. Young birth mothers are then convinced, also by society, that they are incapable of caring for their children and encouraged to relinquish them. Then, after all that, adoptees are told they don't need to know their origins and history, and the records of all of this are kept sealed. Pretty much a lose-lose-lose.
If adoption were used to help children, rather than perpetuate the adoption system itself, it would be a better situation all around. Those children that really needed placement would be helped. Those children that could be raised by their birth families wouldn't suffer the trauma of relinquishment. Those people that really wanted to help children could do so, and perhaps would be encouraged to help get children out of the foster system. And those children that needed to be adopted would be allowed to know where they came from.
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If you want children, and you can have your own, I would encourage you not to adopt (except through the Foster Care system, perhaps). The adoption industry is constantly trying to find supply to meet the demand (that it helps to create). That supply comes in the form of young women who are coerced into giving up their children.
If the adoption system were fixed, then only children who really needed care would be put up for adoption. Rather than perpetuating a broken system, I would encourage you to either have your own or learn how to be comfortable in your cozy, two-person family.
2007-12-13 08:37:30 · answer #4 · answered by blank stare 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely not. Adoption is a wonderful option, and I think it's great.
Also, if you are leery about the whole adoption thing, but still feel you want to give love and care for a child, consider being a foster home. I am working on getting my license. My neighbor does this too, and you can put stipulations on what age, and number of children you are willing to take in. My neighbors absolutely adore doing it! It's a wonderful, rewarding feeling.
2007-12-13 06:41:18 · answer #5 · answered by . 3 · 2⤊ 4⤋
No there are so many children of all ages that want to be adopted but will never be adopted and will be stuck in these places till they turn 18 then struggle to get on their own feet and survive on their own. I can have kids and I want a few of my own but I plan to adopt to later down the road I want to adopt older kids that probly wont get adopted that are 15 and up...
2007-12-13 06:00:58 · answer #6 · answered by moon_star_black 3 · 5⤊ 3⤋
Not at all...children that are put up for adoption are in need of good homes. It's not a question of whether or not you are able to have your own children, it's your lifestyle and if you are able to provide for the child. If you want to adopt, go for it!
2007-12-13 06:25:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 7⤋
It depends on why you choose adoption. If it is to give a child a good home, then no it isn't horrible. As a matter of fact it is wonderful. If your reason is because you don't want to gain weight, get stretch marks, or otherwise be inconvienced by pregnancy, then yes it is.
2007-12-13 06:15:18 · answer #8 · answered by Angela P 2 · 6⤊ 5⤋
No, I actually admire you for what you decided to. You're giving some child with no support system a chance. They're so many kids that wish someone like you would just give them a home that they can call their own. What you're doing is making a difference.
2007-12-13 06:26:04 · answer #9 · answered by LIL REDD 4 · 1⤊ 7⤋
No, I think its wonderful. There are many kids in the system who need a home. How awesome it would be when a couple would come in and let them know they matter.
2007-12-13 06:32:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 5⤋