Ive been dating this girl over a year and I want to break up with her but its hard because she tells me she loves me and how depressed she would be if we ever broke up and shes kind of crazy. She cant stand it if I talk to another girl and she cries for hours if anything ever goes wrong. I've told her I dont love her but if i break up with her she would be so sad and depressed and I care about her but I dont want to continue dating and I have no idea what to do or how to break up with her? I might just slowly seperate from her. Ignore her more, dont call her at night, act like im not interested and maybe she will stop liking me and the break up can be much easier and smoother. Also, Im good friends with some of her friends so I dont know what will happen with them because I didnt even know them before we were dating. Any ideas?
2007-12-13 03:50:08 · 36 answers · asked by john 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You just have to be honest with her and let her know how you are feeling, you also can't take responsibility for her feelings. You have no control over her being depressed or an emotional wreck. Maybe suggest her going to mental health if it is that bad. Good luck
2007-12-13 03:54:07 · answer #1 · answered by ?? yaddajean ?? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do it now! Rip of the bandage. Giving her a hard time to make her break up with you is not fair. You'll give her a very long period of stress and sadness plus the break up itself and it's healing period. So go take her to the park(people feel better in the open air) and sit her down on a bench. Then you tell her you don't love her anymore and that you're so very, very sorry to do this but it's pointless to stay with someone you do not love. Tell her there were great times in your relationship and you don't regret the time you spent with her but now it's time for you to move on. If you do this gently enough I don't think it'll be a drama. After all you said she cried for hours when things go wrong so she's having trouble with something as well and you two breaking up might give her more peace to figure things out for herself.
Her friends can react in all sorts of ways and it rather depends on the break up. If you have an enormous fight she'll complain about you to her friends and they'll get angry. But if it's a it's-better-this-way breakup I see no reason for her friends to stop seeing you.
2007-12-13 04:02:32 · answer #2 · answered by saskia r 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, thats a hard one, been there done that!
Easiest thing? Be straight....stop playing games to save her feelings etc....ity may hurt her initially but she will get over it quicker than making her suffer by dragging it out and ignoring her calls etc etc its kind of killing someone softly...make it short and sweet. Tell her that you cant see a future and you have been honest with her so far. That you dont love her and you have told her this before. Tell her you care about her but it can't go further than that.
She will get depressed anbd cry for a few days and then she will get over it. Don't drag it out for both your sakes, it could get messy.
About friends you made after you met her well you are all adults im presuming they will decide if its ok to be friends with you afterward or not. I dont see a problem if you are not cheating on her with any of them.
short and sweet will make everyones lives easier in the long run
2007-12-13 03:56:54 · answer #3 · answered by Jia K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey john, DO NOT just gradually separate yourself from her. This is one of the worst ways to break up with her.
Since she's sensitive about things (like you talking to other girls), she will definitely notice your lack of attention. She will not stop liking you. And this will not make breaking up easier. It will just draw the hurt out longer and cause her more pain in the end.
Instead, tell her exactly how you feel - in person, not over the phone - and make sure you tell her that you still care about her.
Don't get angry when you're talking to her, just be there for her. You can tell her that you still want to be friends (but not if don't mean it).
Breaking up with her will hurt, but it will be much better if you're upfront about it.
I hope this helps you.
<3 White Rabbit
2007-12-13 04:07:50 · answer #4 · answered by White Rabbit 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously it was a hard decision for her to make. She is apparently still loving you and it probably wont go away. I broke up with my boyfriend once and was very depressed but i couldn't take the pain of us fighting alot. Maybe she just isn't happy and you can't be mad at her for that. Love is a very complicateed thing especially at a young age. She will be fine and eventually regain her happiness. Healing takes time and time is really the only cure. I hope i helped some what.
2016-04-09 00:45:46 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's no easy way to break up with someone. The best way is to be honest and do it quickly. Rejection ALWAYS hurts, but it's better to know now than to drag it out. You are breaking up with her and she's going to be hurt.
Just be honest with her if she has any questions as to why you are breaking up with her. You can't stay with someone who uses emotional blackmail because you don't want to deal with the mess--I've got news for you--emotional blackmailers are a mess and you will be dealing with the mess as long as you stay. And yes, there is a possibility that you will lose some friends in the break up, sorry but that's just the way it goes. Your goal is to do this in a mature manner and not come off like a total jerk--so no blame, blame, blame and talking behind her back.
2007-12-13 03:58:07 · answer #6 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to come right out and tell her. Gosh, you already told her you did not Love her. That was very direct and no cutting corners. If you care for her and her feelings then don't do a cold turkey on her as you described in your question. That would be just wrong. I think she deserves more than that after a year. Listen, just sit her down and come Right out and tell her. You can do it in a way that does not put her down but it needs to be said. It is no easy way, and she will hurt but she also will get over it too. It's like y'all already broke up emotionally anyway.
2007-12-13 03:56:41 · answer #7 · answered by ~Secretrose~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing is honesty. you will drive her crazy if you just leave or stop talking to her. Be upfront with her and tell her that you would be doing her more harm if you stayed with her, because eventually, you WILL leave. When someone does not want to be with you, sooner or later they will leave, and it will hurt more if you just stick around. That would be giving her false hope. Give her the true reason why you are leaving and leave it at that. It might hurt you also because you care for her, as a friend ofcourse, but it has to be done. Good luck
2007-12-13 03:55:27 · answer #8 · answered by fduarte21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest and do it as soon as you're sure you want to break up. Don't let it drag on, because if your heart's not in it, it's not fair to let hers become more attached to you.
Do it nicely. Be honest, but not bit chy.
I had an ex that always told me he would kill himself if I ever broke up with him. When I finally did, I was inconsolable for worry of what he might do. 7 years later though, I still see him around town. He's fine, if a little dented, and she will be too. She'll just need time to herself away from you; and you have to give her that. She needs to get over you.
2007-12-13 03:54:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth that you don't love her.
Are you not worried that she be still hurt the moment that she will know from other people that you don't love her?
Better hurt her now by telling the truth than to make her suffer in a relationship that only she is happy. Part of loving is to be hurt. She will definitely feel the pain but its part of the way we people overcome our losses. She will recover from the pain. She is not blind, she knows that you don't love her but she is just trying to make herself believe that you love her. The moment you will tell her the truth, she will be probably mentally prepared for that but emotionally it will be devastating.
When the pain subsides, she will thank you for letting her go because you gave her that dignity and right to find the real love she deserves...
2007-12-13 04:46:55 · answer #10 · answered by space lover 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋