I need the opinions of some Sicilian people or other Italians about marrying a woman who already has children.

Question

I'm in my late twenties and I had a kid from my previous boyfriend when I was twenty years-old . I am "fidanzata" (unofficially engaged) with my boyfriend for 4 years now. He is from Caltagirone. He told me that I am the woman he have always dreamed of, that he gets along with me very well physically, intellectually and emotionally. Recently we started talking about taking the relationship to the next level. He told me that he loves me but that it would be a shame and dishonor for a Sicilian man to marry a woman who already has children. Furthermore, he said, that if he will marry me, then he has to be ready for his family to disown him and his friends to ridicule him. I know he loves me both in words and in actions. But he seems to be torn between being "dishonored" and being with the woman he "loves". It sounds like in the middle ages and I don't understand this way of thinking. What do you think of this "excuse"?

Cari Munch e Penguino, intendo "fidanzata" come "ragazza". `E lo stesso per voi , lo sapevo. Grazie.

Answer 1

I have 100% italian roots.However, that italian tradition is old and stupid. That idea take place in Cicilia not in America.That guy must be total closed mind and he is waste.Sorry.Don't waste your time and see the possibility to meet another person.

Answer 2

I'm Italian from Italy and I fully agree with MUNCH; as an Italian, I'm always amazed how much *Americans* are influenced by religion, in everyday life and official events, compared to Italians living in Italy.

I'm perplexed about what your b/f says, from the beginning: often somebody here on Answer asks how to say "fiancee" and "girlfriend" in Italian or are puzzled about the use of "fidanzata"; in today Italy "fidanzata" and "ragazza" are synonym ("ragazza" means "girl", but the meaning of "girlfriend" is understood and clear in the context: "la mia ragazza" = "my girlfriend"), although *in theory* "fidanzata" means "fiancee". The reason is in Italy something like an "official engagement" does not even exist any more!

You may still find old-fashioned people/family in southern Italy, mainly in Sicily, who still follow a tradition of a kind of "official engagement", but they're very few and represent the exception, not the rule.
And even if it's likable it's true inside Italy Sicilians are the more conservative about family, getting married with a woman (or a man) who had kids from a previous husband or b/f is not such an issue, not in today Sicily let alone in the rest of Italy... Even "a dishonor"!
So, either he's using his claim as a pretext, or those are his own truly thoughts, but *his own* or *of his family*, not "of Italy" or "of Sicily".

Answer 3

In Italy divorce, step families, mixed families (italians and foreigners) are very ordinary nowadays. But it doesn't mean that all people have a modern mind. In my opinion, it's not an area problem (north or south), but a culture problem (old mentality, modern mentality). It seems to me that the same thing happens in US. I can read very old mentality questions on US-Answer. But I have several open minded pen-friends there.
It seems that your boyfriend suffers a lack of modernity. I don't criticize his mentality, becouse he is free to believe in what he likes more. And I don't want to think that he is finding an excuse, becouse you said that he really loves you. I suppose he is just as he is.
So, here is your problem. Supposing that he will accept to marry you finally, what could you expect to do with him? Could you dream to change is mind (as many girlfriends generally do before marriage)? Or should you ask yourself if you really would like to spend your life with such a mentality (your boyfriend, his family, his friends' one)? Unfortunately, love is not all when it comes to marriage! Good luck friend!

Answer 4

Salam Yes Muslim men are allowed to marry women that already have children and they should love their step children just as their own Muhammad pbuh got married with widows who had children whose fathers died in the war for loving,helping and protecting them.

Answer 5

Most Italians are strict Roman Catholics so they live by the teaching of the Bible. Him saying those things in a way says that he is ashamed of marrying you in these 'conditions' which are now out of your control, you can't take back having your child whom I'm sure you love dearly. If anything he could have expressed that his family feels a certain way and detached himself from this saying he didn't feel that way and loves you regardless of your past or current situation.

He should want to marry you regardless of what anyone including his family thinks. Sure, you should love your family and care about what they think but if you truly love someone and your family truly loves you, they shouldn't judge his choice of right or wrong.

Hopefully they won't be as harsh as he expects but you should still think about whether a man this concerned about what people he loves think of him is someone you want to be with forever.

Good luck!

Answer 6

italy is a modern civil society, more developed that puritan, integralist USA, so what you are writing is totally wrong.
religion in italy has got less importance than in USA, only 30% of population practise religion in italy
that man is a dumb, that don't love you, they are only excuses, bcause probably he is a imbrave man

i'm italian, living in italy

Anya: you are totally ignorant about the italian society, Bible in italy isn't studied anywhere, only in the abbeys.
Italy was unified after the defeating of the Church State of Pope, so anticleralism and atheism is very spread in italy