Would you tell a secret to your family?

Question

If you had a secret that involved you and another family member, and it was a pretty old one, about 20 yrs or so, would you tell it? This secret would probably devastate some members of the family. I was advised to tell this secret to help me overcome some of the pain. I said right away that I would not say anything, but I have heard the only real way to get over something tragic is to talk about it. What is your opinion?

This does have to do with rape/molestation. It was just a long time ago, but I did not start remembering all of the details and everything until a few years ago. It has caused me a great deal of pain in myself and my marriage. It also hurts to hear how great of a guy he has turned out to be. Sometimes I just want to shout it out.

Answer 1

Well, I had a family member molest me when I was a child and I never said anything for years and it was eatting me alive. So, I finally let all the family know and after I told, I finaly was able to start healing. You may not like what they have to say , but atleast you will be able to start healing. So, I would say tell them and talk about it. Good luck!

Answer 2

If you are a survivor then to keep the secret of the perpetrator is to protect that person and take on the incident as your responsibility when it wasn't. Keeping it a secret is what gave that member the power over you that continues to cause you pain. Be prepared for that person to deny it and for others to place blame upon you. Remember you were not and are not at fault for any fall out -- the perp is. Once you accept it has happened, voice it, don't back down and don't allow anyone to blame you. If they do then the problem is their NOT yours and move on. Sometimes telling a secret can be like removing the knife that has been stabbing you repeatedly. Once removed you will hurt for a while but the wound will heal and a scar will be in it's place but unable to cause you more pain. You may also be protecting others from victimization.

The above is advice only if you are the victim/survivor. If it involves you having done a wrong to a family member then address it with that member and try to make amends. If you can't find it within you to do that then drop it and the incident out of your heart and mind. Move on. If you can't change it then don't let those thoughts live rent free in your mind for eternity. It will rob you of your joy.

Answer 3

I wouldn't worry about how your family may react as much as how telling them will affect you. If this will help you with closure and well being then tell them. Not telling them only protects the other family member. Time to transfer the pain. You've had it long enough! Most families that are close are also resilient and I'm sure they love you. You may want to first discuss this secret with the parent you feel closest to, then involve the rest of your family. This may help with the initial shell shock of it all. The first question they'll probably ask is why you waited so long.
But, regardless of their reaction, if this is what you need to do to get on with your life then do what you have to do.
After all this is your life!
I know my family shares an "unconditional love" for each other. I hope your's does also.
BEST WISHES!

Answer 4

My mother went through the exact samething. It was her father. She didn't remember much until she was in her late 30's. When she told there were others that this happened to from the same man. You might be suprised, there maybe more. But I do think you should tell. Tell the ones that could've stopped it. My mom told her mom and sibs; 3 other sibs had this happened to them. But the sad thing is my g'mother stayed with him. She stuck by his side. You may even comfront him first. I have even heard of some telling the person that molested them and they were going to tell the family. It will tear your family apart. It may help a little but it didn't help my mom much. Good luck.

Answer 5

Ahhh, it somewhat is an exciting undertaking. i do no longer think of you probably did a incorrect ingredient is confiding on your nephew, and he's solid, if it impacts him, he could desire to understand. issues which will impact the well being and well being of yet another kin member are issues that should learn. whilst do you tell somebody? once you experience a ought to proportion, to get it out of your device, to get some alleviation from the burden you carry, once you choose suggestion on a thank you to regulate or handle it, or help somebody else handle it. the reason you experience guilt is possibly by using fact many human beings have been raised to "by no ability air the grimy laundry". it somewhat is probably the excuses therapists have jobs at the instant - you basically each and every so often ought to air that laundry. You spoke back this your self - "Why somebody does the flaws they do each and every so often desires clarification." some kin secrets and methods are meant to be stored - case in point, i do no longer prefer to appreciate the information of my parent's intercourse existence (shudder). in spite of the undeniable fact that, if "uncle Bob" likes to have all the females interior the kin sit down in his lap and "trip the horse"- even if if he tells them it somewhat is a secret, it somewhat is going to no longer be. And uncle bob merits the *** kicking he's gonna get. in actuality, you may desire to remember upon have faith and reticence. You instructed your nephew for numerous motives - you'll have faith him to be discreet t his age, you necessary to get it off your chest, you necessary him to confirm and understand what grew to become into happening so he can possibly sidestep it happening to him. All very solid motives. you probably did the main appropriate ingredient.

Answer 6

If This Secret Is About Sxual Molestation/rape by a fam meber def tell...ur fam wont b mad at u, theyll b mad at him, and he deserves it......if this is not the secret, its hard 2 say....u gotta weigh out the benefits of telling against the consequences of telling

Answer 7

i don't agree with telling a family member, maybe telling a close friend , i've kept a secret from the family for as long as i can remember, i've only told 2 people and those were people that i was dating..........i've kept my secret for about 25 yrs

Answer 8

i can understand ur situation. while answering, i myself was confused wat to say... whether u shd tel ur family or not??!! but then, if u tell it, there ends the matter. later u shdnt feel bad for having told tat out. if u wont be affected with the cause n effect of telling it, then go ahead!! or if u r afraid of the consequences, forget it. u say it happened 20 yrs ago, wat big effect does it gonna have now? its u who ve make the decision... if it had been me, i wudnt ve controlled my emotions for 20 yrs, not that i cant keep up secret, but i wudnt want it to eat my mind. but i ll never feel for the past(after telling). watever becomes, i wont blame myself.. now be bold.. decide based on ur circumstances... all the best. v ll pray for u

Answer 9

if you can trust that member of the family the yes because trust is very important in this situation

Answer 10

Not knowing the details of your situation, it's difficult to offer advice. You have to decide whether the good that comes from your sharing will outweigh the pain of sharing it. Only you can decide what's best.