I am a 28 year old woman who is engaged to a 27 year old man (Scott). Scott has never really liked my mom & yesterday he did something really horrible. My mom called me yesterday to tell me Scott's mother had sent out money (Scott's parents are paying half for the wedding) for the hold for our DJ & my mom was thought his mom was upset w/ her did not write a little not (not a thank you, just a note). I told my mom it was nothing & to just not think about it. I told Scott just to let him know and he got very angry & called my father & told him exactly how he felt & I guess Scott was not very nice. Scott also told his parents and they also got all upset about this. I have no clue as to why this would upset them so much. Scott says because he and his parents are wondering what it will be next. I asked him if anything had happened inj the past to make him think this & he could not come up with anything. I just have no clue what I should do and how I should do please help me out.
2007-12-12 23:18:46 · 15 answers · asked by Amy J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The first error was yours, telling Scott what your mother said. The second and third errors were Scott's, telling his parents what was said and being rude to your father.
If everyone is going to run around telling tales and stirring up trouble, then you two are not ready for marriage.
I agree with the person who asked why didn't Scott's mom just give you or Scott the money. If you are mature enough to marry, then you are mature enough to handle your own wedding plans.
Truthfully, this sounds like a bunch of brouhaha over nothing. Get it resolved, and let it go. In the future, you deal with your parents and let Scott deal with his parents. And yes, that includes keeping your mouth shut if your parents tell you something that you know will upset Scott and/or his family. You allow your mother to vent TO YOU . . . you don't tell what she said to everyone else.
Edit.
I so agree with what R.B. said: IF this is the way Scott handles problems, do you want to spend a lifetime dealing with stupidity like this?
I really think you should give this question serious consideration. Think about Scott's maturity level. Is he mature enough for marriage?
2007-12-13 00:21:00 · answer #1 · answered by Suz123 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The first red flag should have been Scott not liking your parents. Eventually he'll not allow you to be around your family. It sounds like your parents and his parents are paying for the wedding, in which case Scott needs to grow up and follow the golden rule...those who pay with their gold get to make the rules. Or you both can pay for your own wedding, scale down quite a bit.
2007-12-13 00:55:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I'm reading this correctly, then your mothers need to take care of this issue. However, we do tend to talk to our family members and share things. And guess what!?! Your fiance blew it, big time!!!
It's not Scott's place to ever talk to your father that way. There aren't many exceptions. Has he ever heard about respecting his elders? Unfortunately this one will not go away easily unless he sincerely apologizes to your parents. He's driven a wedge in your family, and he will soon be in that family.
This can affect every holiday, and family gathering for a long time. He and your parents need to talk and get this behind them before it gets worse. It's about more than who's wedding it is, and who is paying. It's about families and not disrespecting other people.
A word of advice; IF this is the way Scott handles problems, do you want to spend a lifetime dealing with stupidity like this?
2007-12-13 00:24:11 · answer #3 · answered by Woods 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First rule of marriage is never never tell your husband things that your parents said about his parents.
Your Mom is over reacting and reading to much into little things and now you spread the over reacting to his parents.
Call up both set of parents- start with his and tell them it's your fault- it came out wrong- your mom was just worried that She (his mom) was upset but since your not.... blah blah.
Call your family- make Scott apologize. He was COMPLETELY OUT OF FREAKEN LINE. He acted like a 15 year old and should have never said anything to either of your parents and to his parents.
I don't know Honey, but you and Scott need to sit down and talk- you sure you want to marry a mommy's boy who can't keep his mouth shut? I would personally RUN from him and his family.
2007-12-13 00:46:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
This unfortunate circumstance has the effect of being a blessing in disguise. In a single, relatively benign situation you had the opportunity to evaluate how your future husband deals with a problem: running to his parents (your future in-laws) and blowing things out of all proportion. This qualifies as a red flag.
I assume you enjoy spending time with your parents. For some reason you're unaware of, your fiance doesn't quite like your mother, yet whatever he found bothersome about this "note" situation he decided to take out on your father. Your first inclination when the note situation arose was to tell your finace "just to let him know" (that makes sense to me in that this is behavior I would expect). Your fiance's first inclination was to by-pass you to consult his parents. (I find that odd.) I find it odd because I envision a day in the not-too-distant future where you find yourself isolated from your parents in favor of spending time with his parents. I would love to be wrong about this, (admittedly there's not much to go on), but it's a feeling I get based on the dubious way things are shaping up thus far. It's a very familiar start to how I've seen these things develop in the past.
Most guys don't get comfortably confrontational with their future fathers-in-law (even in situations where doing so may clearly be warranted); that your fiance has managed to make that leap is noteworthy, though not necessarily in a good way.
I don't have a specific bit of advice for you other than the very general "keep your eyes open". Just make sure any nagging doubts you have are answered to your satisfaction before you go walking down any aisles. Good luck to you.
2007-12-13 01:17:12 · answer #5 · answered by Captain S 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't understand why scott thinks it's ok to be so disrespectful to your parents. I mean, he doesn't have to like them but to call up your dad and curse him out?
I think Scott needs some anger management before you marry him.
Of course, this is if I'm understanding you correctly- this question is really hard to read.
2007-12-13 02:28:24 · answer #6 · answered by LB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple. It's your wedding, not theirs.
Do not let other people make your day miserable or the days leading up to your day.
Thank You notes are nice, but if you are one of those people that require them or you get all huffy, then you need to grow up. It's enough that they share the costs. Traditionally, the bride's family ponies up the cash, but that's not how it work anymore.
In closing, make sure to keep the parents on a leash. Their job is to sit down, shell out and shut up. Tell your fiancee that he shouldn't be getting upset about your parents comments, and neither should you be about his. In-laws are an occupational hazard of marriage, but so are each of your attitudes toward them.
Keep things civil. When things are out of control, you have the power as the bride-to-be. Get upset and make sure everyone knows it. People want to play little power games with your wedding and it should upset you. Don't be mousy and hide. Get out there and start getting angry. After all, it's your day they are ruining.
2007-12-12 23:28:26 · answer #7 · answered by JoshuaCrime 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If I were you, tell everyone what thier responsibility is so everyone knows who is paying for what and everything. Tell your fiancee that he needs to take a chill pill because he is only making things more stressful for you. Your parents are helping to pay for his wedding and he doesnt need to be acting ungreatful and worrying you. Tell your mom to chill out too and that his mom isnt mad at her. If she is worried about it, she can call his mom and they can talk about it together without your fiancee getting in the middle. It sounds like there may be something going on between your parents and his that you dont know about. Why is everyone getting so upset? Your finacee needs to apologize to your parents for yelling at them. His parents are adults and they can take care of thier own problems.
2007-12-13 00:21:07 · answer #8 · answered by katie-bug 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why did his mom send the money to your mom? Why is his mom even dealing with your mom? If both families are contributing to the wedding they need to give the money to the two of you to use as you see fit. You are grown ups, you can handle the money. What was the intention of the note that didn't happen?
More info as to why the note was important.
2007-12-12 23:28:51 · answer #9 · answered by oy vey 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
In the future just keep some things between u and your parents, no need to share everything with your future husband, if u believe that these stupid little details can harm u as a couple. Deal with the specific incident calm and dont make a strong effort to bring your parents and scott close..Time is the best doctor
2007-12-12 23:30:07 · answer #10 · answered by tony_g 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋