Is this a form of verbal abuse?

Question

My first memory in life is when I was 3 years old, i was at my aunts house, she was having a big party and it was dark, i remember feeling scared and crying for my mother,, my mom picked me up and everyone including my aunt was lauging on the top of their lungs, my aunt said "WOW You shouldnt have picked her up, shes 3 too old and your babying her"
I remember feeling awful..
Then when my aunt used to drive to our neighborhood, shed start laughing out loud and making fun of our neighborhood, (we lived in a lower income area of the city shes from an affluent area)she say ""like "HAHAH OMG look at these shops, Johns Fried Chicken,HAHA do you eat there"? or "OMG I SEE A WHITE PERSON"" "OMG look how filthy the streets are,, OMG Joses Pizza, HAHAHAHAHA"

It took a major toll on my self esteem.. Then everytime id go to her house shed say "DONT YOU WANT TO LIVE HERE"?
Also when i was 7 yrs old i was chubby, she made me get on a scale in front of the whole family, they all laughed and called me

fat, ever since then ive had an eating disorder my entire life..

Was that verbal abuse?

Another time, my aunt came to a school play I did, i sang, and after it was over she was crying with tears in her eyes saying how silly i was,, i stopped taking singing lessons after that and gave up on it

I was asking if its verbal abuse thats all. I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder so thats why I get flashbacks.
I have a therapist.

Answer 1

No! This cannot be termed as verbal abuse!!!

Answer 2

Well, you're doing the right thing by getting therapy for this.

Your aunt sounds like a tactless cow. Did she not have children of her own? If not, you'd wonder why not ... maybe she couldn't have them, or couldn't find a man to help her have them.

However, people act like this because they don't know any better. It may be that your aunt learned this behaviour from someone else, and never learned otherwise .... it's possible she has no idea of how much she has hurt you. The same for the rest of the family.

In a way, through your sensitivity, you're the black sheep of the family. It happens! So she was unkind, thoughtless, insensitive. You are still here, and are in a position to take control of your emotions. You are no longer a child aged 7, you are now an adult, so perhaps you could stop thinking like child victim who is helpless, and start thinking like an adult who didn't like their aunt for good reason.

Are you trying to sue your aunt and your family for emotional and verbal abuse? Be careful. It could cost you so much more than money. Thank about it long and hard before you proceed. You can always cut your aunt out of your life, or get shirty with her. She might not be expecting that!

Answer 3

This is BULLYING. Why are you associating with her? Cut yourself from her, and the rest of the family. You were just a child, and someone should have told her to stop being so nasty.

Take up singing lessons. If you are not seeing these people, there will be no-one to call you silly. You could join a local theatre group, and make some good friends out of it. No-one has a right to steal your self-esteem, you are a worthy person, don't allow these experiences to hold you back. Try volunteering for a local charity, when people appreciate the work you do for them, it will make you feel good about yourself.

The best way to get back at a bully is success. And if you are keeping yourself busy, you will find excuses not to see them. If they start, put the phone down or walk out immediately. Let them know you will not be treated with such contempt.

I wish you every luck, and hope it all works out for you. You really deserve happiness. xx

Answer 4

yes, many of us have suffered from this form of abuse. It really has stunted our lives, I am now 85 and it won't go away. But I rise above it. It is no good looking back and saying 'If only'. i have learned to pity those who abused me.
Your aunt was tryng to fill an empty place in her life by filling it with envious comments, for that is what they were,
. You had something she didn't have, it could have been anything most likely, say a loving family, a beautiful face, a lovely smile, or laugh even. You had something she envied and she tried to belittle that. And even though she is no longer here, she is still doing it. Don't let her, rise above such petty things. Get sense of perspective. And live YOUR life.
I can read in your letter that you are a good and kind person.Come out from under that shadow your aunt cast over you and live in the pure Sunlight of Gods Grace

Answer 5

That first answerer is right, it is emotional abuse, is your aunt evil? Were you better looking & more intelligent than her kids?
My auntie used to say things like that as well, fortunately Mum knew how spiteful she was and always told me not to listen to her as she just talked rubbish, which I could see for myself as I got older. And my auntie wasnt as mean as yours.
It is sad how this woman has ruined your self esteem but I think it would have had that affect on anyone, you can only take so much criticism before it affects you negatively. You arent weak and its not just a matter of getting over it, she has changed your whole thinking pattern and distorted your view of yourself forever. This is what bullies do.
Anyway im not sure what answer/advice (if any) you were looking for from your question but from personal experience, (my auntie) your auntie is probably deeply unhappy too and even if you dont take pleasure in that, I find its a good beginning to find out the reason for something, then at least you can begin to understand, and map your path from there.

Answer 6

Its just plain cruel. I don't know if your aunt had any dissabilities youre not aware of....I'm sorry this is a memory that bothers you to this day, but I sense you know the difference between compassion & cruelty. Sounds like so many folks....a false sense of entitlement, defining oneself by pointing an ugly boney finger at what you're not; like that would ever fill that dark gaping wound....Youre not asking a question because you are posing a passionate answer, and there is the heart of it. Their are people with weight problems....but thats not true glutony. Youve been a victim of "glutonous with self approbation"...that hunger never stops, so be well......The asking confirms you are caring, sesitive person & the world is running short. We all have an "Aunt" ANTAGONIST. Its our job to forgive their limited view, if need be...walk away; but walk towards something meaningful.

Answer 7

How old are you now Taylor? Isn't it about time that you let go of the past? Stop dwelling on it. Honestly, I went through that type of thing too. It was sort of a right of passage for kids and how the older generations handled things. I still get called out on being fat today! Also, sometimes there is too much coddling and babying of little ones. That's why they think everything is to be handed over to them. They never learn. It's time to move on and reach for better things and think positively. Yes it's tough, but only you can pick yourself up and get out of the rut.

Answer 8

OK, do you want to improve? Then get therapy, and stop blaming the condition of your life now on what has happened in the past. The only constructive thing you can do is to get help and let a professional guide you back into some sort of normalcy.

At this point you are wallowing in self-pity, and blaming your aunt for being a total assh0le. She being like that has NO power over what you can become. Being the martyr is a real boring and low paying job. Get the help you need; stop whining and wasting your life.

ADDITIONAL: since you have a therapist, why are you asking such questions on Q&A. Seems like all these opinions would be counterproductive. Or are you just looking for warm fuzzy answers, but ignoring the help offered by your professional? I think most of the people here are being duped by you and this question; this is trolling.

Answer 9

Yes, she's a total jerk and sounds like she has a pretty miserable life when it comes right down to it. Have some class and be better than her. Don't put other people down and just be the best you can be. Ignore her if she acts this way. Sorry to hear she had such an impact on your life. Try to turn that around.

Answer 10

Your aunt sounds like an insensitive cow. It's quite possible that she planted the seeds of self-doubt and insecurity in your mind. Things that happen in our childhood can stay with us right through to adulthood.

Keep going to counselling.

Answer 11

was she big coz if she was i think she was just trying to take the focus off her. once i was bullied and this girl was much bigger than me and she made fun of me for my weight. i think that it was a form of verbal abuse because she was saying stuff to hurt your feelings and emotional because it was something personal she was displaying to others.