I recently learned from my boyfriend (dating for one month) that he cheated on his previous girlfriend. He was studying abroad for some time over the summer and had casual sex with someone he met there. He never told his ex and said, "she had it coming to her."
Both of us have just been going out in the traditional dating sense and haven't gone beyond kissing. It took me by surprise since we were friends first, and he'd always said in the beginning that he took relationships slowly.
In light of this new information, I do not want to pursue anything further with him. I feel bad since it will blind-side him. We get along great, sharing many interests, sense of humor, and academic goals, but in my heart I don't trust him.
If he did that to her with no remorse, he will do it me.
Any advise on how to end it?
2007-12-12 16:36:42 · 10 answers · asked by HallamFoe 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If your asking if it's okay to dump him? I'd say yes. You are your own person, and if his past bothers you, than you have every right to call it quits whether he likes it or not.
My only advice is to be honest with him. If you just dump him and veil it as something else your not doing any better than he was when he cheated on his ex and dumped her.
Let him know that you need a guy who is not only honest with you, but has led an honest life with only minor bumps along the way. I'd classify his past as the cheater's trail and I'd say you dumping him is what he had coming to him.
End it with a long heartfelt conversation and state that your looking for someone who doesn't cheat....past, present and future.
Edit: Also wanted to add that if you do dump him, don't hold it against the next guy you date who dumps you for dumping a guy confessing to you about his relationship with his ex. =)
2007-12-12 16:43:46 · answer #1 · answered by untamed_soul 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there!
I've been that guy, sort of. I had trouble ending one relationship when I realized that I didn't want to be with my girl any more. I got distant, and found that I was very attracted to another girl in the same town. To make a longish story shorter, I wound up briefly kissing two wonderful women during the same time period, and sometimes on the same day! I felt terrible, but the situation dragged on, because I didn't want to make either girl cry.
My friends thought I was so cool to have two great chicks on a string, and I kind of sold it as such, because I didn't want to be seen as a sensitive wuss.
As you might guess, there eventually was a reckoning in which my first girlfriend was devastated (she did NOT want to break up) and the "new" girl was devastated (she had thought I was all hers). I felt terrible and took a hiatus from women altogether, but eventually took back up with the "new" girl.
That was years ago and I haven't so much as glanced at another woman since. Stone-cold sober, so to speak. The "new" girl is now my fiancee, and I love her more each day.
The illustration here is: the tough, unforgiving, manly-man thing might well be an act. Men make mistakes, and we don't always admit that we know they are mistakes. If you like this guy, do date him. Just be slow and watch him for changes in behavior and evasiveness in response to questions. He could be a serial sleep-arounder, but I've found that most relationship mistakes are one-timers, no matter what the movies or dating books might say.
2007-12-12 16:53:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's wrong to judge people based on what they did in the past, but in this case I think you're justified for feeling the way you do. I'd simply say to him exactly what you just wrote. "You cheated on your ex, showed no remorse, and I can't be with someone I can't trust". If he has a good reason for doing what he did (I can't think of any good reasons to cheat on someone but there could be some I guess) then maybe you could give him a chance. But of course, keep your guard up and always listen to your gut feeling. Good luck!
2007-12-12 16:47:36 · answer #3 · answered by cindos_69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make sure u really want to end it. You are being very smart and very strong with ur decision tho. I think you should talk 2 him face to face, and jsut say u r not ready to be in a relationship right now, that u have too much going on. I dont think u shoudl tell him that specific reason bc then hed be liek wow this girl is a jerk, judging me from my past. but u shoudl say u rnt ready. Good luck!
2007-12-12 16:42:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I must commend you for making your mind up so reasonibly! Most girls convince themselves 'he won't do it to me' but your a smart one! ;)
I suggest you come clean. Just tell him you can't accept the idea that he could cheat on someone regardless of wether he felt they deserved it (which is BS btw). Tell him in your opinion (assuming you agree with my opionion lol) a respectable man has the courage to END a relationship rather than cheat. Trust is key in a relationship and sadly missing in yours.
Be strong girlie!! ;o)
2007-12-12 16:46:33 · answer #5 · answered by evey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wellll just like ask him if he would ever do any thng to hurt you and if you really like him dont break up with him and although you think ou would never do sumthing like that you prolly will.... so dont just break up with him be nice about it and just sit down and talk to him you guys seem like a good couple dont throw it all away over the past i fell in love with a guy that had a past like this and we worked out great i just started liking someone else just be up front and ask him face to face that way you willl know if he is lying or not!!! hope that was a lil help there chick well good luck!
2007-12-12 16:44:38 · answer #6 · answered by morg! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cant say i ever dumped someone because of those kind of reasons really...but it really did bother me when i found out how many girls my ex slept with before me and it was ALOT..it bugged me so bad...and in all honesty its really not the full reason i dumped him but it did have something to do with it. For you..if in your heart no matter what u dont trust him..i dont blame you at all for dumping him....so do what you want to do.
2007-12-12 16:44:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that if i were you..i would have to break up with him too. one of the strongest aspects in a relationship is TRUST. and if you cant trust a person, there are going to be many problems that will later arise. i think that you should just tell him...that youre really uncomfortable with what he did in the past...and it will be hard for him to regain your trust, so for now you want a little break. and if he can prove and regain your trust for him..then give him another chance. people can change for the better. if you really cant trust him....theres not point in being with him.
2007-12-12 16:45:07 · answer #8 · answered by anelehh<3!!! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His past is none of your business as long as he didn't do anything illegal. You have no idea what she did to him and if she did or did not deserve it. Dump him. He deserves a better girlfriend.
2007-12-12 16:43:14 · answer #9 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dumped one of my exes because he had nasty scars on his back
2007-12-12 16:40:38 · answer #10 · answered by britney 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋