Anyone of faith: Do you ever feel like....?

Question

You're living a constant guilt trip?

I'm LDS. Sometimes I feel like I can't win. I feel guilty cause I'm sometimes too tired to go to church on Sunday. I feel bad cause I drank some coffee in order to stay awake for my finals. I'm expected to count the amount of time my lips remain on the lips of someone I care about....And if it's 6 seconds(heaven forbid) I'm creating lust and ought to repent....Seriously. The policy is "if it feels good, we encourage you not to do it, and if you feel bad, repent, whether you have anything to feel sorry for or not."

That's what i struggle with. I know this church is true, and I love it for all its flaws. But God would not approve of me walking around feeling like I constantly fail him. Not after Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross to forgive me....

Am i missing something here? Is this what it's all about? Is it all about living guilty and unworthy all the time, even though you're trying your best?

Sometimes I feel like it's not worth it....

I exaggerated the kissing thing a bit, but I was told that they "encouraged" us to "keep it simple" to avoid feelings we ought not be having. Whatever that means. Seriously. Take it up with my YW president.

the guilt trips are subtle, and then I get answers like the ones here that say "Well, it's not our fault you feel like this, it's yours."

It's my fault that the church makes me feel ashamed of some things, when they are the one telling me to repent with a contrite spirit for not being "valiant".

Hmmmmmm very telling to me. You won't even take responsibility for the fact that i feel this way. Isn't there something inherently wrong with that?

Gumby: Depends on what we're laughing at....

Answer 1

I am also LDS, and I used to feel exactly the way you do. I totally understand where you're coming from. It sounds like you are having the same problem I was having. I was missing the core, fundamental teaching of the gospel: that Jesus suffered and died for my sins BECAUSE I'm not perfect and never will be in this life. The gospel isn't for perfect people. It's for people like you and me, who continually make mistakes and commit sins. If we didn't keep messing up, we wouldn't need a savior.

One of my college teachers (a religion class) once asked the class, "If you died today, on your way home from school, how many of you would go to the celestial kingdom?" Of course, nobody raised their hand. The teacher scolded us, "You should all have your hands up." Why? All of us have entered into the baptismal covenant. We are "saved" because we are fulfilling the requirements of salvation, which are:

1) Have faith in Jesus Christ
2) Repent
3) Be baptized
4) Receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost

There is no requirement there to "Perfect yourself before you are worthy of entering into heaven". If there was, we wouldn't be the church of Jesus Christ, we'd be the church of earning our own way into heaven.

There is an excellent book out there that changed the way I think about these things. Take a read through this book and see if it doesn't help you too:

"Believing Christ" by Stephen Robinson

Hope some of this helps! :-)

Answer 2

Interesting question. Many, if not all of the guilt trips you describe have never been talked about with me. It sounds like some individual counsel or advice that was shared about some of those things. I have never heard the 10 second rule or whatever about kissing. I never was given any kissing quotas.

While observing the complete commandment is the desirable thing to do, ie if you follow the complete commandment you will get the attending complete blessings therefrom, I do not think that if you take an infrequent cup of coffee that you should be damned.

Work on it a step at a time. Its line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little there a little as the passage of scripture says. Take little steps in reaching a final goal. If it takes little steps that is fine. If you can do it all at once, that is better. But the key is that you are working on it. Feel good about any success you do. Be it little or large!

Best wishes and keep up the good work!

Answer 3

Check out Romans 8 and see what Paul has to say about the matter.
I know at times others in the faith with certain convictions of their own attempt to push these same convictions upon their brother or sister and though it can be beneficial, sometimes it's unecessary and can even be detrimental. I don't see why on earth you'd feel bad for having a cup of coffee unless you were addicted and that addiction led to a serious handicap in your relationship with God. I pulled an all night last night and have had 4 double shots in the past 24 hours and there is nothing wrong with that because I don't do it satisfy any idolatrous desire, but I do it just so I can finish some work once in a while. God sees the heart and He weighs it justly; if you're giving someone a kiss for a few seconds and it doesn't bring about thoughts you're not to be having then go on unless it is to the detriment of another's walk. It's not at all about living guilty; like the Scripture says "there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus." We're to live in victory and live life abundantly.. check out that chapter and check out the end of 1 Corinthians 10.

Answer 4

Interesting query. Many, if now not the entire guilt journeys you describe have by no means been talked approximately with me. It seems like a few person recommend or recommendation that used to be shared approximately a few of the ones matters. I have by no means heard the ten moment rule or some thing approximately kissing. I by no means used to be given any kissing quotas. While staring at the whole commandment is the fascinating factor to do, ie if you happen to comply with the whole commandment you'll get the attending whole advantages therefrom, I don't suppose that if you are taking an rare cup of espresso that you just must be damned. Work on it a step at a time. Its line upon line, principle upon principle, right here somewhat there somewhat because the passage of scripture says. Take little steps in achieving a last target. If it takes little steps that's pleasant. If you'll do it abruptly, that's bigger. But the secret is that you're operating on it. Feel well approximately any luck you do. Be it little or enormous! Best needs and preserve up the well paintings!

Answer 5

Relax hun. You are being way to hard on yourself and over-analyzing things. Guess what...we all make mistakes. Every single one of us. Guilt is okay, but what you are describing is shame. Totally different. No matter how hard we all try we are all gonna screw up. That is what the atonement is for. Work on one little thing at a time. It make take a while, but you will get there. And don't let your leaders project their own shame and fears onto you. They mean well, but they sound a little harsh. They most likely have some unresolved issues of their own. Don't overwhelm yourself. You have done nothing worse than I have. I just don't do those things now. Well except for the kissing thing, but I have a line I don't cross. At least I try not to. God loves you and He will give you as many chances as you will take. If you ever wanna chat in more depth, shoot me an email. I know quite a bit about the feelings you are having. And yes, I am LDS.

Answer 6

Yes, you are missing something. Gospel means "good news" and the good news is that Jesus Christ died to save us all DESPITE all the bad things we do. We're not meant to be perfect, and we're not. We all do dumb things, but we rejoice to know that because of the atonement of Christ we can repent. The rules we have, and the good things we do, are because the way we live our lives are an offering of love for our saviour.

Stop dwelling on the negative things you do wrong, and think of all the good things you do to honour your Heavenly Father. Do you wear your best clothes to church on Sunday, hug your friends, smile, work hard at school? Don't feel guilty or unworthy, you are a beloved precious daughter of God and He loves you. He wouldn't want other people saying these things about you, so stop saying them about yourself.

You have had some fantastic answers here. My vote is with Beta Fishy.

Answer 7

Gumby, warriormom, betafishy and the Senator have given you great answers. I will Tell you that I was a Young Womens leader for a time and I can tell you that we NEVER taught the girls that Kissing or dating was a bad thing or was wrong. We did however teach them that there was a time and a place for it. We encourage our girls not to be involved in Serious relationships until they are out of High School. Kissing should really wait until you are in a serious relationship, but a little kiss is not a big deal and that should be your choice.

I have never been told that anything that feels good is bad. The Book of Mormon teaches- "Adam fell that men might be and Men are that they might have Joy". So we are here to have Joy, not to be depressed or guilt ridden or anything like that. We are here to have Joy. If we are following the commandments then we will have joy- if not, repent and then you can have joy. It is really that simple. None of us are perfect- that is why we have the Atonement.

Answer 8

Mormons are actually known for being high stressed, esp those in Utah. It is because they constantly feel they have to be perfect. The perfect child, the perfect spouse, the perfect parent, the perfect student, the perfect member, the perfect everything. Well guess what, we arent perfect and some people need to step back from their routine and realize this. It is ok to not do 110 percent in your calling all the time. It is ok if you get a B. It is ok if you enjoy a mindless movie and think the actors are hot. (it really isnt ok to drink coffee though, lol, so you should probably not do it)

The stress to live up to the perfect molly mormon or peter priesthood can be overwhelming, but you have to realize that it is a stress you are putting on yourself. Noone expects you to be perfect. Noone is going to turn their nose down on your if you arent. I think you need to search the LDS.org website for encouraging talks and articles. There are soooo many that address exactly what you are feeling. The church is not about being perfect. It is about becoming perfected. It will take a lot longer than just this lifetime to accomplish this.

What you should be focusing on is if you are doing what you need to in order to live a temple worthy life. You dont have to be perfect to do that.



"Hmmmmmm very telling to me. You won't even take responsibility for the fact that i feel this way. Isn't there something inherently wrong with that"

Well now you just sound like an immature child whining that life isnt fair. YOU are responsible for your own mood. If you have something to feel guilty about then dont blame that on the church. If you are taking things way too seriously than that is your fault, too. Dont blame your self esteem problems on other people.
There is something inherently wrong with a person that cant take responsibility for their own feelings.

Maybe you should stop focusing on yourself and go do some service for others. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or work with foster children. Then you might realize just how good your life is and stop feeling so sorry for yourself.

Answer 9

I know exactly what you are talking about, and it's not from God! God does not want us walking around feeling guilty all the time. He knows we are human and can only try our best to be like Jesus, but the whole reason Jesus died for us is because we can never be perfect. For a long time after I got saved I wouldn't admit my shortcomings or weaknesses to anyone because of the horrified looks I'd get if I admitted I still smoked, or whatever else it was. I finally got so sick of it I almost left the church completely. Lets get real people!! And if anyone out there thinks he's perfect then you're in pride, and the bible says God hates pride. I know lots of Christians, Pastors included, who stand on the pulpit preaching one thing and then turn around and do the opposite. I pray for them, just like I'll pray for anyone who's struggling. That's what it's supposed to be about, not condemnation! Sorry if I sound angry, I've had my share of dissapointments with the church, but never with Jesus, so I hang in there. God Bless you. Just keep looking to Jesus, knowing that he loves you and only want the best for you.

Answer 10

I'll try to address all the issues you've brought up.

1. Drinking coffee does not make you evil. If you have problems with lack of energy, I would suggest looking at your schedule and habits too see if you're getting enough sleep or eating healthy.

2. Kissing for over 6 seconds? I haven't heard that rule. I wouldn't worry about that too much.

3. I've never been taught that policy. We're allowed to do lots of things that feel good. Of course, if it's sexual, that's a different matter. Kissing doesn't have to be sexual.

4. We all fail. It isn't something to feel depressed about. We aren't expected to be perfect. My bishop shared a thought with me last Sunday. At church, we see all these famillies that seem to have it together. What we don't see is the struggles they go through at home to get to church. Every family (and person) have their own "hidden" struggles. Don't get caught in comparing yourself with others.

Overall, I would suggest that you have a good, long talk with your bishop or your parents.