We have been together for 6 months and most of them blissfully happy but when he starts thinking about my past relationships (which weren't so blissful) he gets upset with me and dissappointed in me and says I should have valued myself and had more respect for myself than that. Which I agree now that I look back I could have been more responsible and I regret some poor decisions I have made. I fell so deeply in love with him and yet I feel like such a dissapointment to him sometimes. He is 6yrs older than me and feels like he has missed out on so many opportunities and he feels like I havent let one pass me by. I am a stronger better healthy person now and on top of all that I am now sober. I just want him to love me for who I am now and who I've become. Not who I was. Should I let him even the playing field and let him go have fun to reach my number? Please any advice for him or me would be helpful. Thank you.
2007-12-12 13:26:53 · 60 answers · asked by OneLove 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he can't accept your past, then you shouldn't see a future with him.
2007-12-12 13:29:53 · answer #1 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 7⤊ 1⤋
Okay, I was very wild just about 2 years ago...and there wasn't a lot that I didn't do or wasn't up for. My fiance was the same way as your boyfriend. Yes I had 0 respect for myself, and did whatever I wanted to do. But here's the thing, I was at a very low point in my LIFE, I was hitting rock bottom, I had a broken heart and I could of cared less if I lived or died. And I am very surprised that I made it through that time in my LIFE. I mean, I did have a child in a marriage, but he wasn't the one I was trying to get over. I had some serious problems getting over another man. It took a very, very long time. So I did what I did, for the sake of trying to get over someone and a broken heart.
Sometimes I think that its jealousy...not dissapointment. He is jealous that you have experinenced more then he has. And DO NOT let him play the feild...that is very, very bad. You are deeply in love with this man, could you possibly bear to know that he is screwing around with another woman? It doesn't work that way...he choose to be with you...be with him and vice versa. If you let him play the feild and he comes back to you after, honestly do you really want to hear about everything he has done? I sure as hell wouldn't. And if he truly loves you, he won't have an ounce of fun....he will have a hard time doing so because you will forever be on his mind. Seriously, he had all the time in the world to sow his oats, he missed it. He needs to live with that and be okay with it. So what, you had a hell of a good time?!?! I think he thinks and believes with all his heart that woman don't and shouldn't have a wild side to them. You do. I would sit him down every time he makes you feel like you are a dissapointment and tell him to cut the bulls**t. You have a past, you have done some things, and he has to live with that too.
My past is no longer an issue. What I have done and who I have done it with, has not been a problem for a very long time. How short is LIFE? Tell him to get a grip and get on with your relationship to you. He can not live in the past...especially yours. All this time and energy spent on thinking and dwelling in both of your pasts, could be well invested in your relationship now. Think about all the good things that could be happening now. Seriously tell him to get his head out of the past, and live for today. Pasts are a waste of time, my GOD, they already happened, there is nothing that can be done about it now. Tell him to leave it alone. Tell him what you use to be is not what you are now...and that is far more important then anything else.
2007-12-12 13:44:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heck no you don't let him even the playing field!!! The past is just that, the past. He has to accept that, not you. You made mistakes, you admitted it. It's not your fault if he can't take it. Just try to reasure him that he is the person you want to be with and none of the others matter anymore. If he loves you, that should be enough. He's six years older than you, he should be responsible enough to accept that. If he doesn't, then he has the issues, not you, and it probably won't last very long I'm sorry to say.
Good luck to you, I hope everything works out!
Reasa
2007-12-12 13:35:24 · answer #3 · answered by reasabelle7 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is asking for the oppportunity to "catch up" or play the field then he's not a keeper. It should not matter whether you did more than him as long as he is happy with just you! You should be all that matters!
As far as his disappointment in you... Explain to him that you completely understand how he feels but you have grown and discontinued that behavior. Let him know that you need his support in what you have become rather than ridicule you for what you were!
You may want to make sure that you past has not made him insecure in your relationship. He may be afraid that you will resort back to that behavior and he will lose you!
2007-12-12 13:35:34 · answer #4 · answered by No Christmas Grinch 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl it is not that you have a higher number than him....its because you have a high number. So, him reaching 11, 20, or whatever, is not going to change the fact that you have slept with 11 guys. You can say its wrong or whatever, but he has issues with your high number. Some guys cannot deal with that and he seems to be one of them. The best thing you can do is assure him that you have calmed down. However, the rest is up to him. He has to get past it, and if he does not then it will never work.
2007-12-12 13:33:21 · answer #5 · answered by Sweetness 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being in a relationship is serious bussiness. If you only think about hooking up so to speak, this could be dangerous!!!
Talk to counselers or your parents. The next score so to speak could hurt you badly. Build a foundation of love that is trustworthy now. Stop thinking about sexual encounters and start working on being the best person you can be. Get together with other couples, this will help ease tensions and you get to see the other person in a different light. You don't have to pretend so much like when you are alone. Love is natural but love to the wrong person is emotional breakdown for sure. Been there!
2007-12-12 13:39:56 · answer #6 · answered by Mike S 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
A lesson for females- don't tell your guy how many people you have slept with. If they have any long term interest in you , it will most likely disturb them. I believe always in being honest but some things like this need to be skirted around. Anyway, no I don't think he needs to even the playing field. I just believe that you could tell him you were not a strong person at that time , for whatever reasons, and have grown and realized many things since. Hopefully, it is important to you now to develop a strong monogamous relationship and that iis what you want to work on with him.
2007-12-12 13:35:12 · answer #7 · answered by To Be 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OMG i cannot read anymore of these mean comments. your past is your past,gone,a different time for you, actually Congratulations for your sobriety!!! See now that's part of your past also.you have finished that chapter in your book of life! . I'm sorry but this guy sounds like a jerk.your past is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!!!Or anyone Else's in the future.WE ALL do things we regret in the past.that is what makes you stronger. you learn, grow mentally etc.i have so much to say. but i hope you know you are a good person. you don't need all of the negative input from him.here's a question for you,IF you won the lottery tomorrow would you stay or go??? well i hope i helped just a little.
2007-12-12 14:00:31 · answer #8 · answered by A.F.1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be going down the road of "evening up the playing field" What you have done you have done, he has to learn to live with it. These are his regrets not yours, as long as you are not up to anything with anyone else now why should it bother him? Just jealousy probably, everyone makes what they would consider to be mistakes; don't make them again, but don't beat yourself up over them either, if he cannot come to terms with who you are now; and who you were then, you need to look at all the other aspects of your life together and see if he really is the one for you.
You asked how to fix the relationship, well it ain't broken, if he sees it that way HE has to fix it not you, because this will come up over and over again unless he makes a conscious effort to make it go away - he has to move on, or you have to!
Good luck,......No actually it's not luck, good decision making.
2007-12-12 13:39:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is the same issue I had with my now bf. He was w/ women in the past one or two who we grew up with and when you hear about past relationships as much as people think its an ego thing it sometimes isnt, he must really care and it really bothers him. Think about it sometimes he must be so happy and then gets really cold, I was the same w/my bf and it was a rocky beginning to be honest, I treated him badly because I felt like how can he love me after he s done these things with other people, but you eventually grow out of it and it fades because you come to realize that it was the past and you can t change, he might even criticize you but in reality he s hurt because he cares and doesnt see you as a promiscious person in his eyes, if he loves you that pain will fade, it did with me and now I dont even think about his past anymore, it also a security thing he might feel like you ll cheat on him, you just need to stick thru it eventually time heals these issues if u dont see it get better in this upcoming year then its not worth the fight.. it was the past. .
2007-12-12 13:39:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anna P 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Comparing numbers is a bad idea - honesty in a relationship is one thing but this is a very messy area.
He is disappointed because he feels you are special and you made some poor decisions which make him question how he feels.
Give it time, assure him you love him, make him feel special.
We all make lousy decisions from time to time and the past is the past. Have you had an STI test? It might be part of his unspoken concerns....
2007-12-12 13:51:40 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋