who are the victims of an abusive relationship?

Question

my friend (not anymore a friend) abused me verbally and sexually. i feel so stupid that i learnt to leave so late. I wanted to know his intention.

why me?

Answer 1

I think the same thing. My father abused me, and I relive it every moment. If I had left earlier, maybe I wouldn't be such a mess. But naivety is human nature. Don't blame yourself, people want to believe the best in people until they hurt you so badly you can't ignore it anymore. I wish you luck, and I hope you're going to therapy. I've gone, and it's helped my recovery a lot.

Answer 2

No one has the right to inflict any type of abuse on another person. Most abusers were themselves abused but that doesn't give them the right to inflict the same hurt they experienced on someone else. Realize that by you feeling bad about yourself is in essence still giving the person who abused you some control over your thoughts. I would suggest that you talk to a professional who has dealt with problems such as these before. Some people are the way they are and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it or feel like a victim because they are scum. You are an unique individual and you and your feelings always come first. Be glad you became aware enough to get away from such a damaging situation.

Answer 3

People who abuse others don't usually go around carefully selecting whom to abuse. Rather, they do it to whoever they have relationships with who are open to them. You were a friend, you were there, you were abused.

Don't blame yourself. You probably wouldn't have known until you experienced it. Rather, be grateful you're finally out of it.

You will want to move on from feeling stupid. Explore your feelings, then decide what you want to do with them. It helps if you talk to someone, not necessarily to give you advice, but just to listen and empathize with you (understand how you feel), possibly a pastor, priest, rabbi or counselor if any of these are accessible to you, otherwise, a friend. Sometimes even phone counselors can be helpful.

It will help you move on if you are able to forgive yourself, and, ultimately, the abuser. Sometimes, for the latter, you need to talk to your abuser, but it is possible--difficult, but possible--to forgive the person without talking to him . It will need you listening to yourself, and also putting yourself in his shoes.

It also would help greatly of you believed in some higher power--a power beyond yourself--who or which could help you do what you cannot do yourself.

Feel free to email me if you want to ask anything about what I've said.

Answer 4

You're not stupid, please don't think that. It's easier said than done to get out of an abusive relationship. Abusers have some kind of issues within themselves, and should get help. You should get help too. Talk to someone you trust about what happened. Please don't blame yourself or feel stupid.

xx

Answer 5

well, i would say that the people who do the abusing in a relationship have maybe had a hard life in the past....maybe their family got split up and they alwasy fought, maybe they didnt get enough love from their family, maybbe they didnt ahve and friends in school.....maye he was taking out his anger or anything he felt like he needed from you? just a guss...

good luck

Answer 6

Abusers usually pick their victims carefully. They look for someone that is gullible, is too trusting and cannot recognize abuse.

Now that you know this, begin to protect yourself. Please get some counseling for yourself to heal from this.

Answer 7

Don't you feel stupid why would you? if I were you I would report it no mean no tell someone bless your heart I'm praying for you take care

Answer 8

why u, why him, this person needs help. i feel u need t seek some help with ure feelings on this violation u suffered. but this guy was a mate. im not agreeing in wat he done, and he deserves t b punished severely. but if u can understand why he done this, then it will go along way t helping u. please dont let this situation ruin ure life, let it make u stronger.

Answer 9

i dk