WILL HELP! If something were to happen to you and your child's mother/father, who will your child go to?

Question

I know this is a personal question, but I need help. Me and my husband need to draft a will within a month. My husband is in the military and is going on deployment very soon. It's exptremely important for us to draft a will. But, I am having a hard time deciding who to my son's Godparents will be. My sister isn't the best parent as it is. I would love for him to go to my parents, but My mom has had open-heart surgery as a result of several heart attacks and strokes, she has diabetes, Multiple Sclerosis, she's blind in one eye, and she can barely walk, let alone pick up a baby. My father has anger issues and really knows nothing about parenting, as he left all the tough stuff up to my mom. I don't care for my sister in law. She is quite selfish, and in the military as well and goes on constant deployments. She knows nothing about raising kids. My parents in law... ... I absolutely love them, but I get the feeling they are DONE raising kids. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!

I'm also worried, because I know it will break my mom's heart if I tell her she isn't first on the list... It REALLY will

Answer 1

Put Mom first, even with the issues. She can always ask for help. At the end of the day, who will raise your kids most like you want?

For us, my Mom is my only option. His parents are a big no. My sister and Dad believe in a way I'd not want my kids raised. I'd hate to put 3 kids on my Mom at her age, but I know she'd do best by them. She can always ask family for help, but the final call would always be hers to make. If it was my time to go, it would be easier knowing they'll be raised right.

Answer 2

Ask your parents in law. I am sure if something happened to their son and you they might change their minds about raising their grandchild.

Godparents are a religious title. The people who will take care of your children if you die doesn't have to be them. Godparents don't even have to be a couple anyway.

They don't have to be raised by your family if you can't find the right people to do it in your family. Do you have close friends whom you think would make a good parent or who already are?

When you make a list, talk to everyone on the list and find out what they feel like. You also should remember, it's your child, don't let anyone's feelings get in the way of making this decision.

Answer 3

I would leave your son to your in-laws. Just because they are done raising kids doesn't mean they won't do it if something happened to you and your husband. Also, in my will, I have many people lined up in the event that the person isn't around, not willing to take my daughter, etc. So, you can list people in the order you would want them. Explain to your mother that while you think she would make the best choice, you would hate to add additional strain on her and because of her current condition, you cannot imagine leaving her that sort of burden. If her health takes a turn for the better, you can always re-write the will!
Good luck and good job with your preventative planning!

Answer 4

Do you have close friends? Someone that has similar religious beliefs? That is a VERY important issue. There is no law that states that you HAVE to leave them to someone in your family, but you need to make sure that your will is iron-clad so they cannot fight it. Make sure that if you have any savings accounts for your child that you have it set so only the person that is caring for son can have access to it. My husband and I are in kind of the same boat. My husband's sister in law is a religious nut that has no control over her own kids, my parents are overbearing control freaks, one sister is an airhead that screams at her daughter for the smallest things (Thanks to our upbringing because that is all we used to hear) and my other sister and her husband would make good parents, but they don't want kids. My brother's wife LOVES my son, but not sure how her parenting would be because her mom was an alcoholic that abandoned her and her brothers. My husband's mom is 70 years-old and can't keep up with him and she is going through chemo right now.
Best thing to do is to talk to your in-laws and see if they would be willing to take him in if something (God Forbid) was to happen.

Answer 5

Family members are of course the first people you think of. Ask yourself:

Are they likely to be alive through my son's first 18 years? You can tell your mother, you don't want your son to go through tragedy twice. That's what it would be if you and your husband die, and then his adopted parent(s) die.

If the relatives are childless, how do they feel about my son? Do they remember his birthday every year? Is the person settled and ready for the responsibility? Or ready again?

It's important you do most of the contemplation on this issue because even if a relative wants to say "No," it's unlikely they'll be truthful with you. The death of both parents seems an impossibility, so they say "Yes," to keep the family peace.

I'm in your boat, and have ruled relatives out. We chose two sets of friends who have children who are my daughter's friends.

By now you have a feeling for which parents have similar parenting philosophies and religious views as yours. Simply ask yourself, "Would my son grow up happy and healthy with these people as his parents? Is he a good father? Is she a good mother?"

The tricky issue is that your closeness to these parents is often fickle. If your son stops playing with another boy next year, you may grow distant from that family. So it's important that you update your will every year and rethink your designated guardians. Your best bet may be a friend of many years.

Answer 6

Thats a tough decision to make, and I know my husband and I have changed ours over the years, based on people's circumstances. Originally we picked my parents, as they are very involved in my kids lives, are in good health, and could practically pick up where we left off (hope that doesn't sound awful). All my husband and my siblings were single at the time, not stable. My husband's brother is married and they haev kids, but I HATE how they parent their kids.

But in the last year, my husband's sister has gotten married and just had her own baby, and we are going to change our will to her and her husband. They are loving parents, similar parenting style to ours. And I worry my parents are getting too old to take on three kids 6 and under.

So - for your dilemma.... right now I would maybe choose his parents. they sound like the logical choice. Just know its not set in stone - you can always change it later on if need be. You never know, your sister in law could get married or just mature and be a completely different person 5 years from now. Or while it would be nice to have a family member take them, are there friends you trust more? thats another option.

Bottom line is - you'll never be 100% comfortable with whoever you choose - obviously you guys are the best choice!
Hopefully you'll never have to deal with it. Good luck!!

Answer 7

I asked my oldest sister and her new husband if they would be their God-parents. They are completely done with their education, have established careers and are capable of raising children. They also have similar beliefs and morals that we do. The only thing you can do is talk to the person/people that you would like to be on your will. Have a thorough discussion about it and make sure they understand exactly what it is that you are asking.

It doesn't HAVE to be family. It can be close, trusted friends or someone like that. Also remember that it can be changed at a later date. Your in-laws could be on the will as long as they are healthy and capable. If they are no longer in the position to care for your children, you can always revise your will.

Good luck and good for you for making your will!

Answer 8

Even grandparents who are "done" raising children will take in a grandchild who has lost both parents without a complaint. If you were just planning to dump your kids off on their front door for them to raise, that would be reason to be upset. But if the choice for who to raise your child is limited to an invalid mother, a dad with anger and parenting problems, a sister-in-law who is never there, an irresponsible sister or the in-laws, who would otherwise be ideal), I think they would understand and be fine with it. It's an unlikely scenario in the first place.

With my kids, my husband and I actually made up a plan for our kids to get raised in a manner that closely followed the way we would raise them. It's with our best friends. I have living, healthy parents, sisters, and some of his relatives would be alright, but we chose our friends because 1.) they would be objective about letting BOTH our families stay close to them, and 2.) they would raise them in a home similar to ours. To provide for them financially, we put MY sister down as a beneficiary, and she will see to it that my kids are taken care of financially. This was done largely because it would require that our families work together with our friends on this. It's a wierd setup, but everyone seems to be fine with it.

Answer 9

sure maximum somewhat. i think of you could say the line has been crossed if, you beat a baby for no particular reason.while you're offended and lash out at a baby who happens to be there. in case you tell the youngster, you heavily isn't any solid,and/or putting the youngster down verbally,no longer giving a baby a satisfied atmosphere, it somewhat is abuse, by using fact the youngster would not understand greater valuable, the parent ( supposedly ) does. If the youngster is in a sturdy atmosphere with solid regulations, and does some thing unacceptable, to tell them of, or deliver them to mattress,it somewhat is self-discipline, the version being the youngster is acquainted with it has finished incorrect!! interior the abused baby, the youngster by no ability does something maximum appropriate, it somewhat is, to the abuser besides. the same behaviour in direction of a parent or parent's may be companion and little ones abuse, as long as all are over the age of consent.desire this helps.

Answer 10

Of course your in-laws are done. Their kids are grown, but that doesn't mean they aren't the right choice. Ideally, it should be someone who loves your child as much as you do. Sure, your in-laws aren't running out to adopt more kids, but I'll bet they would be happy to raise yours, if the need arose. Remember, it's more than likely you won't have to face this situation. As for your mom, she may be disappointed, but she's got to understand that she isn't physically capable of caring for a baby. I wouldn't mention this decision to her at all, because as I said before, you and your husband will probably live to a ripe old age. No need to get her worked up about it! Good luck.