My husband's Jewish & I'm Christian & near 9 months pregnant. What are we going to do when the child's born?

Question

Hi, my husband and I, both love our religions and each other, but we weren't expecting to have a child because we fear that raising a child under 1 household w/ two different religions might cause the child to, not only be greatly confused, but hate and/or disregard all religions. So we have been stressing over this for a while.
Do you know want we can do? Has this happened to you? And want did you do? Thank you.

Answer 1

Ummm........love it???

Answer 2

Okay, you're stressing over something (like I tend to do) but it is not accomplishing anything. You've had NINE months to think about this and you still don't have anything resolved. So what makes you think that you are going to suddenly have some epiphany?

Here you are in a position to offer a child more exposure than most other children ever have the opportunity to get. Religion can be the greatest gift or the biggest burdon on any person. How many people actually get to freely make their own choices when it comes to this?

You are worried about your child rejecting something and at the same time you worry because you cannot impose what you want (due to your spouse's views). Do you think this is the first time any set of parents have disagreed on how to raise a child? No.

Parents always blame themselves for everything, "I should have done this... Where did I go wrong?" Stop that! Your child WILL eventually make his/her own decision. Your job is just to love him and create a fertile environment for an inquisitive mind.

So you both need to simply change your minds a little and learn about your respective beliefs! You've both demonstrated respect for each other and realize that love triumphs over everything. So let that be the message to your child.

Are your options really limited to the following?:

Definition of Messiah:

1. the promised and expected deliverer of the Jewish people (not Jesus).
2. Jesus Christ, regarded by Christians as fulfilling this promise and expectation. John 4:25, 26.

Or might the two of you understand that you are NEVER going to be able to "save" anyone nor be able to offer up all of the answers. That's okay because you are human.

So, to you, if you believe that Jesus has touched your heart then you have faith that Jesus will touch your child's heart in some way, some day. It may not be in a way that you were brought up, but leave that responsibility to Jesus and simply pray that God's will be done.

I have a friend who's father is a minister. When she does something wrong she chuckles and says,

"Jesus understands!"

There is really a LOT to that. So try and stop stressing over it and just love your child and love each other. Time will reveal further answers and you will learn WITH your child. In the meantime, your child will develop his own personal relationship with God while you both give affection to your child. That's free will.

Answer 3

Ummm...this might have been discussed a few months ago, eh?

Households representing two religions can work quite admirably. You celebrate Hanukah, then you celebrate Christmas. You observe the Passover and then the fulfillment of Passover (Easter).

It is true that many kids think that if both mom & dad are good people, which I'm sure you are, and each has a vastly different religion, then the kid may conclude that all religion is optional. And if it's optional, it can't possibly be true, because true things are never optional.

My husband and I have always striven to be together on religion for that reason. When my husband wanted to go in a new direction, I was against it, but after a lot of prayer and study and taking a class to learn more about where he was heading, I found out that I actually agreed with his decision. So the two of you might try that -- if you receive instruction in the Jewish faith and he receives instruction in your Christian faith, you will at least understand each other's beliefs better and who knows, maybe you'll come to agreement on one.

Answer 4

Teach your child how the Jewish religion is a model of the Jewish Messiah. For example, the Jewish Seder takes the unleavened bread and breaks it into 3 parts. One is placed in a napkin and hidden in the house. Sound familiar? The Matzo is both striped and pierced to keep it flat. Who was also striped and pierced? The Seder uses wine mixed with water. Who's blood was represented by wine, then when pierced, out came blood and water? Also read this...
http://www.schneblin.com/studies/pdfs/joseph_and_the_seder_cups.pdf

Remember, the first Christians were all Jewish. It was man under the bondage of traditions and rituals that made it an issue. Judaism and Christianity are a perfect compliment to each other, and a wonderful balance. I would seek out a local Messianic Jewish congregation if available. There are also several Messianic Jews on Yahoo that will be willing to help you in this. Do not think of it as a difficulty. Think of it as an opportunity that will give your child a balanced view of the Tonakh and New Testament. A good example would be the brilliant author Joel C. Rosenberg. Same upbringing as you are describing.

Answer 5

As I'm sure you and your husband know, a child is considered Jewish from birth only if the mother is Jewish. Some Reform congregations will take a more expansive view of the matter if you choose to raise the child as Jew, but Orthodox and Conservative congregations will be adamant.

If your son or daughter grows up in a loving household in which two people he or she respects have different views on religious questions, the child will learn that good, intelligent, lovable people don't have to agree about everything. That's a pretty good life lesson in today's world. Someday your child is going to decide for himself or herself what to believe about God. For now, just make that sure he or she knows what to believe about the love in your family.

Answer 6

The latest studies show that growing up with religious teaching and traditions in the home is good for children: the only problem is when parents fight about it and put the child in the middle. But that's never good, is it?

So, if you and your husband are respectful about each other's faith and explain it in simple terms, allowing your child to participate and learn about both faiths, your child will most likely do very well.
Blessings to you.

Answer 7

This is a good example of why we should not marry outside of our beliefs.

But, since you have already done it, I think you will have to submit to your husband. You will have to work it out with him. Perhaps it will be ok to teach your child the whole thing and how it is all related. You dont say where you go to church or what you and your husbands present thoughts are about this situation.

You can go here: raptureready.com sign up on the forums there, there are other Christians there and Jews who might be able to help you figure out the best thing to do. I am blessedinHim on the forum. May God be with you in your decisions and while you raise your child to love the Lord.

Answer 8

Jewish identity is surpassed matralineally. in case you married a Jewish guy, his birthrite might DIE WITH HIM. your toddlers would not be Jewish. you may ROB him of passing on his legacy. it somewhat is why it somewhat is a sin for a Jewish guy to marry a gentile lady. next, we could seem on the different techniques it would be unfair to him. might you hold a kosher kitchen, meaning protecting meat and dairy seperate with seperate gadgets of dishes and all that? might you be certain your companion and little ones suggested the shabbat or might you drag him down? might you rigidity him to assimilate and grow to be a gentile, might you carry idolatrous issues into the domicile like a Christmas tree? Do you already know which you will no longer circulate to the mikveh when you consider which you're no longer a Jew, meaning he won't be able to save the guidelines of kin purity??? in actuality, how lots might you're making him compromise being Jewish on your selfish desires only when you consider which you prefer to marry him?

Answer 9

Raise the child understanding and appreciating both of your faiths and cultures surrounding those faiths, equally. At a young age kids can't understand the connotations of the histories and legalities separating the two (nor should they be burdened with it); so I'd recommending just pleasantly telling your child that they're "both"... then at an older age leave it up to them to choose which they want to be, if either. Ultimately it will be their choice anyway; raising them to understand and appreciate both and to knowing that they can choose for themselves is better than forcing one or both down their throats as they grow up.

Answer 10

Well I am the offspring of someone who could be an Athiest Mafia member, and a Catholic raised (and it showed) woman. I turned the inherent conflict around to a positive. My athiest dad stuck up for me when I was in Christian school and people there acted like ignorant jerks.
My mom instilled some values in me and opened me up to the whole concept of "God." I sifted through the negative Catholic stuff (guilt tripping, sexual issues, etc) by talking to my dad.
I was able to take the best of both, reject what didn't work for me personally, and weave them together in my own independent path.
And I wish the same for your child. These souls come to parents like you because both sides have something to offer them on their journey.

Answer 11

Jewish tradition says the child belongs to the mothers religion.